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Raspberry picnic (sedoka)


early twilight
the gentle river's sound
passes the picnic blanket

she noisily sucks
each pink tipped finger
above the raspberry basket








Andrew Hide
07~09~2005

Author notes

Written September 7th, 2005

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Comments

1 - 6 of 6

  • myrataal silver member
    September 28, 2005
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    Very tactile and pleasurable. I guess she is a Muse.




  • Abby100 Mann
    September 26, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    This is abeautiful poem that beautifully describes to the readers through the wording and imageries the Raspberry basket.
    BEAUTIFUL AND INSPIRING!


  • Touchof1der silver member
    September 26, 2005
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    Oh i do like this! This is beautiful Andrew. You make this look so easy. The imagery here is superb.
    ♥ Touchof1der


  • capricornpoet
    September 8, 2005
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    that little raspberry

    This was a fairy tale , sweet little poem that evokes intense
    imagery with a whimsy to bring a smile ..


  • steph-breath
    September 8, 2005
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    Nice job! Simple, but also good. The meaning of this piece was very well established ... keep writing
    take care
    ~ Steph ~

  • hot-tamale
    September 7, 2005
    Edit | Reply

    good job

    This brought a smile to my face, because it reminded me of picking berries when I was a young. I feel that the second set is the stronger of the two.

1 - 6 of 6