You have left me alone
In my darkest hour.
I don't know why I even care.
You've let me suffer
And drown in my misery.
You are killing me.
Why do I even try?
Why give my best?
I don't really care.
I feel abandoned by the world,
abandoned by myself.
I don't really care, though.
I'm sick of this place,
sick of this world,
of you.
I'm sick of my friends,
sick of living,
of myself.
I'm tired of trying,
tired of living.
I think I'll just give up.
I don't know why.
or how
I don't really care.
By: Sharcu(Tim)
Author notes
I was feeling down last night and so I wrote this. Not my best piece of work, but it's something.
Written September 5th, 2005
In a list
What did you think
Comments
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Actually this was written almost a year ago and I'm doing much better now. Thanks for your offer and I hope to get to talk to you sometime soon
--Tim -
i see that you have been goin through some really hard times... and even though i dont know you and you dont know me im here for you to talk to babe...
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Tim,
I know this feeling. and I know others do too. You did a great job getting your feelings out. Dont give up hope and know that if you need someone to talk to ever you can count on me to be there. great job. Peace to ya
~Beth -
I like this one alot. Im glad it didnt rhyme. It was pure and straight forward. I think it didnt need to be all "fancy" to have an impact. Good work.
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lonliness and abandonement , well portrayed and with a trail
of feelings one wishes to follow to the very end ..
a refrain of sadness -
I did say I could be quite critical so...
For me poetry is just more than words seperated into stanzas, there must be something that shows effort/skill be it metaphor, imagery, similie, word play, sound effects like assonance, consonance, euphony, cacophony and so on. There must also be something new said, or something old expressed in an original way.
I don't believe in the notion of true originality, we can only recreate from what we've lived, seen, read, heard. I suspect that you don't read a lot of published poetry,
because you seem to be drawing from shallow resources, the first mistake it would seem that people make when they start writing is that they think can go from their minds straight into the page, what we have here is talk cut up in lines, and with some repetition.
Let me illustrate what I mean by talk by writing a stanza in a sad mood.
I was feeling all alone
In my empty room
Empty becuase you're not there
You left me
You left an empty room
It is speech lifted straight from the mind to the page, instead I could have written
Room vibrated with the nothing
You left behind, my pain
Echoing of the widely separted
Tear stained white walls
The difference, is instead of just saying something, one tries to think of ways to suggest it, to make it more powerful, meaningful, less obvious. This principle applied to the 2nd stanza:
Instead of You've let me suffer
And drown in my misery.
You are killing me.
Possibly
My life drains away
Into a sea of misery
I gladly keep my head under
Keep writing, but reading quality work is as important as continually writing, we must keep adding to our resources. So here's some good poems I discovered on this site.
allpoetry.com/poem/1337597
allpoetry.com/poem/1491257/all=1
allpoetry.com/Poem/1477530
This is an absolutely brilliant website about poetry
teenwriting.about.com/library/weekly/aa041403a.htm
Edited on Sep 14, 5:17 p.m. because ''. -
OMG i feel like this all the time, like i cant do anything right so why try. this is awsome. i love your writting style. good job.
-Sasha -
i definately like this poem, and i can relate to it very well. im sure we all have these moments, some more than others, but thats just how it goes! anywho, i think the poem was really good. the flow/rythm was good, and you really got your point across.
I'm sick of my friends,
sick of living,
of myself.
that was my favorite stanza because i often find myself feeling and thinking this way. all in all, an excellent poem! -
I really enjoyed it. I'm glad your over that little hump and hope you don't face anymore in the future.
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nicely dark
well i like it...it's something i can relate to. but i am glad you were able to get thru whatever it was. some people never stop hitting the bumps in life. lol -
Alright... I tried to for reptition in a lot of my poem, so that's why I have all the "I'm"s. Thanks for the advice though and thanks for reading my poems.
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interesting piece but there are too many repititions in it try finding other words or even just drop the I'm after the first line in each stanza will read smoother and add impact in this piece keep writing
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Thanks for your comments, guys. Ya, I'm feeling better now, not great, but ya. Life sucks and I just gotta get over the bumps in the road.
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Mmm. I like the flow of this piece, it didn't need to ryhme or be worded any differently to get your point across to the reader. Excellent. ^_^
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This shows emotion well...and it is well written. I hope you're feeling better soon.
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