Once upon a million stars
I wish, I wished I might
Live this vision in my mind
This dream I dreamed each night
I was as a butterfly
With wings, with wings of fire
You were as a buttercup
My heart, my heart's desire
Gently now I dared to land
I touch, I touched your face
'Pon your petals tenderly
Our souls, our souls embrace
Softly as a sleeping breath
We danced the dance of sighs
In the meadow still beneath
The blue, the bluest skies
Noble stars I prayed to grant
Let this, let this come true
When I wish I may I might
Be loved, be loved by you
Wake me not and let me lie
In sleep, if sleep shall be
All the precious time allowed
To dwell, to dwell with thee
Author notes
Rakerman1
A contest entry
- Rhyme For Men Only by piccola.
700 points, ended July 25, 2007, 17 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Will you be my Romeo ( Men ONLY) by Scarlet Ambrosia.
500 points, ended August 30, 2007, 3 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Have you ever really loved a woman? by Myjoy.
1750 points, ended October 1, 2008, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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awh, this is good, i like the way you places you words and repeated them, bravo!
thanks for entering and good luck -
Very romantic. Sweet write, thank you so much for entering the contest. Congratulations on your prior wins, this is much deserving. Good luck.
♥
whisper
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a delight!
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sigh. At last a man who is not afraid to show his tender side to the world. The words are soft and the rhyme is perfect making it flow like soft melting honey...great and thank you for the entry,
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Bravo! stands and applauds
This is my favorite of the poems I have read by you. The phrases set off by commas added a lot to your poetry. Once again, I love the imagery! My favorite lines are these:
Noble stars, I prayed to grant
Let this, let this come true
When I wish I may I might
Be loved, be loved by you
Wake me not and let me lie
In sleep, if sleep shall be
All the precious time allowed
To dwell, to dwell with thee
sigh Beautiful words, my friend. Your writing is lovely.
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a beautiful piece of poetry it left me with a feeling of peace and calm. Well done!
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I love the thought you have penned here. So soft and subtle and utterly romantic. What a true poet's heart you have! Thank you for such a pleasurable read!
(`'•.¸(`'•.¸ ¤ ¸.•'´)¸.•'´)
~~~Touchof1der~~~
(, .•'(¸.•'´ ¤ `'•.¸)`'•.¸)
Edited on Sep 06, 3:30 because ''. -
Poetry at its finest.
This is amazing! A true delight. It's like something straight from a textbook of the best poets of all time. This poem should go down in history with the best of the best. I'm honored to be one of the first to witness this. Bob -
Wonderful
Omg. You are a talented writer. It is very good. Hope to see more! -
I loved the way this flowed
and kinda had a musical muse to it.
truly a joy to read
blessings
Tears
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this was such a sweet little poem! i loved it.. especially how you repeated somethings... its great! good job and keep uyp the good work. trully.
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I like the repetitive phrases you incorporate in this poem, it makes you seem breathless, like your really sighing over what your saying, which makes this poem seem whimsical. I really ,liked it and hope you do more stuff like this. Blessings to you.
Tiphanie
p.s. won't you return the favor and read some of my more recent works? i could really use the critique, be it good or bad, i have recently fallen into a slump and have no new poem ideas, maybe its because i'm engaged now, i don't know, but i need critiques badly. Thanx a bunch. -
Sweet
Awww!! This is sweet and happy. Even though sweet and happy isn't really my thing, I still enjoyed it. Awesome job!
Hugs N Kisses
<3Chacha<3 -
amazing imagery! i love your descriptions and the flow of this write! thank you for sharing! a joy to behold!
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Very Talented
I really like how you say a frase then pause it then start it with the same thing, it really adds feeling to it
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