Upon her wings my love was born
I embraced her heart,my own was torn.
Without her I am forgotten and lost
without her diamonds and gold nothing cost.
Not even tears upon a virgin's face
can match the purity of her grace.
Nīt even rocks and solid ground
can match the confidence in her I have found.
Not even the wind,blowing through the leaves
can match her whisper in my ears;
not even fire can describe her presence in my heart
for she can complete me or tear me apart.
She is my prison,but that prison sets me free
forgotten by others,she is remembered by me.
If she'd be the fire,then I'd be a fuse
she has no name,I call her my dark muse.
Author notes
Written February 18th, 2005
A contest entry
- The Love For A Girl by Ignis Corpus.
385 points, ended June 10, 2007, 22 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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Absolutely stunning and beautiful.The following lines are my favourite
"not even fire can describe her presence in my heart
for she can complete me or tear me apart.
She is my prison,but that prison sets me free
forgotten by others,she is remembered by me."
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this is a good poem i like the rhyming pattern, good luck
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awesome, i really liked it. predy good job on rhyming, great flow and descriptiveness and such. there were two parts that seemed to break the otherwise beautiful flow: without her diamonds and gold nothing cost.
i think perhaps a bit of forced rhyming, i'm guilty of it meself
and the last: she has no name,I call her my dark muse. maybe take out the my. anyway loved it.
p.s. ty for comenting on me poem.
~later~evermore~ -
WOW....amazing!! great rhyme, great flow and outstanding word usage. Beautiful write....very meaningful....you've really got talent this is amazing work keep it up i love it
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Woohoo alright...your dark muse.. thats a sweet line...great poem you got here...the expressions of need that work coincidingly together on both sides were portrayed diligantly...great work and keep it up...
Ryan
Edited on Sep 08, 3:24 p.m. because 'a typo'. -
Thanks for commenting my work Lolaloz,I shall check your poems just as I do with every person that makes the effort to read mnie
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I like the way you ended the poem..
"If she'd be the fire,then I'd be a fuse
she has no name,I call her my dark muse." I don't know why, it just sounds very cool
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WoW!Thank you all for your comments,I shall take my notes when i write future works and be careful about the sounding of the poem...But have mercy-English is not my native language after all...
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good
Rhythmic and bouncy! This adds to the joyous feel of this poem and the sentiment.
I would look again at some of the punctuation - and I'm not being pedantic really!
For example, the line:-
"without her diamonds and gold nothing cost."
would perhaps read better as: -
"without her, diamonds and gold nothing cost."
what do you think?
Refreshing poem, which I enjoyed. Thank you.
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OH MY GOSH this is too awesome. this is well writen I love that you write about a dark muse.
I &hearts' it. PS i find that you spend less and get more comments in the shamless box, hint you tend to reach people better at mid-night....this from my own shamlessness, lol well-come to AP! 
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This is definately a great read. I think the shameless promotion is gonna work for you. You are a great writter! Hope to see more from you! great write!!
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O_O!
oh wow, this is amazing! Hmm, only 1 thing. I read this through and I kept changing the last line to "She's my dark muse" the syllables are a bit off (i'm srry bout the spelling!) so yeah this was absolutely awesome weee, yay "a" words.
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