Down there to the gates
Pressure...so much pressure
How I long for this moment
Just a simple kiss
Lure me to the other world
Just us with no interruptions
Lingering thoughts now dissipate
For this time, heat is out ally
&
This will be known only to us...
Pressure upon thy breast
Hands and fingers teasing ever so
Now it's my turn-
Rolling over now on top
Light scratches on your chest
Small nip bites done in greed on those nipples
A small grasp to make you grow more
Ice cube ready in mouth just to watch you squirm
Riding more into the night
Bliss
Sweat
Sultry
...& now finally, we sleep
Author notes
Written September 5th, 2005
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actually i meant for it to be like that
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hhhhmmmm..... sounds like something i wouldnt mind before bed time. lol... im a lammer.. okay the poems imagery was like the others said,, amazing!
erotic poems have to though or it just wont be good. your choice of words was what really impressed me. the vocab. you used was erotic and turns the reader on (wait a min. you know what i mean) lmao!! okay so yea great poem you very gifted and the lucky human who gets to sleep with you every night has my envy 
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You seem to have muddled your personal pronouns. "Thou" and its derivatives are the more intimate and "loving" form... so one would expect "you" in the earlier stages of love-making, to move on to "thou" as the passion mounts. But you start off with "thy" and then progress to "your". What has happened? Did the poem originally have the "thou" forms throughout - which you were later advised to change... only one was overlooked?
NB If I survive major surgery next week, I plan to run a competition for "second person singular" poems. Watch out for it! -
HOT HOT HOT
Grrrr! very sexy. Nice, very nice! -
"and now finally we sleep" such a perfect ending for a tasteful peom!! i really enjoyed discovering this peice!!
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sizzling
youchhh!!!!!!!!! -
How did I get in this sauna?
"Bliss
Sweat
Sultry
...& now finally, we sleep"
I enjoyeed these last four lines the most. I like one world lines that permit one word to bear all the gravity and momentum needed to carry the poem and the associated imagery etc. on...
Sometimes it really happens, as it does here.
"Down there to the gates" is a good metaphor to begin the poem, and really underlines the sexual nature of the poem once you get it.
And I like how the poem ends- " & now we sleep" just as I suppose any night of exhaustive love making should end.
These poems are never at a loss for imagery, so full marks there. Good rhythm, and sophisticated enough to truly be poetic, as I still feel that with erotica you walk a fine line- there is poetry, then there is porn.
Good work...
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Interesting name for the poem and great way to describe the activity desired. I like the layout of the poem too. good job.
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Very sexy write, my friend! Tastefully done!
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I wasn't expecting this to be erotic at all, considering the first half, but somehow, it didn't bother me. This was tastefully done, and if anything else, I appreciate that.
Good work. Good night, and take care.
Nick -
WOW... This is an awesome erotica poem... You did a great job on this!!! I really like this one!!! It is simple yet so greatly written...
Hugs,
Beth -
Hey, It's wonderful Ayzan, great imagy, I loved it, will look into more of your work later. Well done.
jennifer
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hey np im always up for it
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gotta leave something left to the imagination ...ok ok how about one day u and i get together and to a hot write?; ty
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this is really good, hot n steamy but im not to crazy about the end 'now we sleep' i was expecting something a lil hotter. still good write
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lol kim and i have a contest u might like sug....even the picture is on fire; ty and who knows if there might be a super long erotic poem done by the three of us...one day
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Well, let me be the first adult to respond:
Whoopie! Wahhhhhhhhhoooooeeeee! Yaaaaaaaah, baby!!!!!
Oh, sorry, that wasn't very adult-like, now was it, Aziyan?!!!
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