A shy young miss from Ashtabula
Went to Hawaii, learned to Hula
No longer shy at all
She shimmies down the hall
The wiggliest lass in high schoola.
Author notes
Written September 4th, 2005
In a list
A contest entry
- Limericks For All by Autumn Whisper.
300 points, ended December 12, 2005, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - By the hammer of Thor!!! I need to laugh!!! by Mykeee.
450 points, ended September 19, 2007, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Limerick me! (#2) Single Stanza by BearWoman.
700 points, ended April 3, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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Lol!
Funny! This gave me several chuckles. I also liked the "high schoola" creation. I also like the feel of the word "wiggliest."
Thank you for your entry and for the laughs.
I might suggest a slight re-write of Line 2 to improve its flow (IMO)?: "In Hawaii she learned to Hula" or "To Hawaii went to learn Hula"
(by my pronunciation, of course):
x/xx/xx/x Form
/xx/x*/x/x Went to Hawaii, learned to Hula (yours)
xx/x/xx/x To Hawaii went to learn Hula
xx/xx/x/x In Hawaii she learned to Hula
/=stressed syllable
x = unstressed syllable
* = omitted syllable (in here, a natural pause)
Neither of my suggestions is in perfect meter. I do find them easier, however, to speed up or slow down the speaking of them to fit into the proper rhythm.
As written, your line has four instead of three stressed syllables. Combined with the placement of the WA in Hawaii and the extra "silent" syllable (the natural pause) extending the length of the line, I just can't make the rhythm fit into the meter of the form.
I suspect there is someone out there in the world who might find this in perfect meter, it's just not me.
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lol - High schoola. Thats creative. Thanks
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Very cute. and I do like the manipulation of the word school into schoola. this kind of thing rarely works but here its a really cool kinda quirk that makes you smile. and thats what limericks are about isnt it :-). Louise.
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hehe,
This is great Billbard, just like your other limerick, I like the bit at the end, schoola lol
nice one
good luck in the contest
best wishes as always
Star Of The Night
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hehe, another cute and funny one. Rather silly actually, but we can all use some silliness to spice up our lives. Best of luck with the contest!
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well this was adorable, thanks for entering, good luck in the contest, and remember to read the rules
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