She wore me
like a whiskey soaked collar
Kissed and sodden days
sunken eyes, she blinded me
within a Brailled hand
she made me see
I felt her
needed her seams
I'd lost one once
so when she stood there
on Tib Street, by the traffic-stoppers
red to green, she gave all the signals
A blind-sided smile
touched by a hint of city madness
I inhaled her
knelt for her seams
She whipped up a frenzy
as the barra' boys touted their wares
All eagle-eyes watching her
strident and eclipsed
"Angeline" was all she said
I stood mouth-dropped
dead-
took all the boys stares
as I felt her
coursing my veins
Serendipity of style
floats on-
these city streets
anothers' dream
another place
Somebodies hearts ripped-
seams
Angels knew her
named by them
"I am the needle to your thread"
she hissed, snake-lips
eyes to die-
for, how she took my stride
felt the rise
in me
the neediness in my bones
became lost in her
eyes
I am tainted by her
tantalised
She fractured the past
made the distance weak
folded the day
upon my old sorrow
Stood there, lost in black
a street-girl of old-
wise of another world
A ghost of tomorrow
she sang her names
all over the Northern Quarter
She was back
alive, almost
Angeline
Oh, how the distance weeps
Oh, Angeline
Author notes
More Manchester Musings...
'bout time you met my Muse.... a new name.. meet the lovely Angeline.. inspired of course by Mystysaint's muse Guinevere and an old song by John Martyn ~~ Angeline ...
(((Thanks Suzi, but I couldn't keep stealing your lovely lass, so here's mine, she's a street girl, but the city beats inside her ))))
Written September 4th, 2005
In a list
What did you think
Comments
1 - 43 of 43
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She sounds like an interesting bird to me
The imagery here is incredible Gill. Your work is inspirational. Honestly.
XX
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excellent~
I agree with Windhover a very teasing erotica poem you have penned here sis..I do so well love your new Muse
Hugs n love
Susan~~~
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I think I meant.. she's got still a beating heart and life hasn't been kicked completely out of her
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Now Mr S.. I never said she was a tart.. lololol there are all manner of women who end up on the street
I do try to stay well clear of cliche.. lolololol
but many thanks for the critique
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I really like the way you relate to her… although the tart with a heart… is not only a dreadful rhyme but a horrible cliché – perhaps she could be the cardiac courtesan… The empowerment of women is a great advance in society but still for every Lucy Lou there are still hundreds of thousands of battered and abused ‘partners’. We need a few more feisty – to feed on the vicious…
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hahhah
LOLOLOL
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I like feisty.
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Yeah...
I keep looking at that part and its not sitting right
but too tired today to let brain ponder
but yuppp
thanks hun
and sure you can have her number.. watch out though... she's feisty..
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I really like this Gill, a teasing eroticissm with well chosen imagery and lots of potential meanings flowing about the place. I spent a couple hours last night/this morning reading villanelles and pantoums digging around for a form for one of my own poems, but it heightened my ability to appreciate the subtle shifts and repetitions.
Theonly line I had any issues with was "She known of anothers' muse." Reading the comment, I can see why it is important and what it is you are trying to say, but the odd construction makes the line stand out and the non-internal reference left it unresolved and twitching... "Known to another's muse" "She who's" I don't know. A minor thing.
I like your muse. Since you're taken. can I have her phone number? -
gilly, i just never know what to say after reading these.....you know i love it though. the "needle to your thread" stanza was my fave. you impress me and inspire me to write my friend....if only i had a subject oh yes, and i love the pics as well.
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hehheh
now that's pretty cool.. although, I wouldn't call Stevie a street gal..
but thankie ma'am..
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Ah girl, you're good ... beautiful musings for a beautiful muse ... she resembles Stevie Nicks ... I think I'm in love with her too
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I really enjoyed this poem... I found it very sensual and almost ravishing. You have a wonderful way of crafting your words to make the poem flow and carry the reader with it... How exciting!
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Beautiful.
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nice
Rhiannon. -
In'sight'ful!
This was an ennjoyable read with more than one theme going on yet tied together. This is a tremendous thing to pull off, you did it well. Sight for the blind in the other senses...apeech, feel, hear, and touch. All but taste unless I missed something.....how there is compensation of the loss of sight in order to SEE. I really liked this dual theme. Mind you this is how I perceive it & may not be as intended. -
sent you an IM with answer
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posted 6 hours ago?? how long did it take you to write this, in all honesty?
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Ohh yeah
re-birthing and being alive...
perhaps you should read my poem Walking to Jerusalem.. to give you some ideas..
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She's a fascinating lady- love the pic. Love the 'She fractured the past' stanza. I can't help thinking that she has walked with you through many things before , Gill.
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hehheh
thankie miss..
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She known of anothers' muse
who walked these city streets
Of anothers' dream
another place
Somebodies hearts ripped-
open seams
this and i am the needle to your thread was just goddamn!!
Angeline
Oh, how the distance weeps
Oh, Angeline
and this here, i LOVE LOVE LOVE endings like this lol, this was posted when?? anyways, it damn fabulous. -
No problem I can only go indepth if there's something reasonably deep.
Edited on Sep 04, 9:44 because ''. -
thanks for your in-depth critique.. appreciate all your points..
~GILL~xxx -
There are so many things right about this poem, an innovative look on an old subject.
The similies: "She wore me like a whisky soaked collar".
The contrasts: braille hand/see
Imagery: "All eagles eyes"
Cliches: "heart ripped open seams"
The only slightly weak line I felt was "I am the needle to your thread" which I thought was a tad obvious and laboured in the context.
But what I think makes this poem work is that it is a very lean work stripped of excess. Instead of saying they looked with eyes like eages you say "eagle-eye", instead of saying my jaw dropped onto the floor you simply say "mouth-dropped" -
oohh shuush woman..
okay.. now I'm embarrassed .. lololol
many, many thanks girl.. I do appreciate your lovely warm words and kindness too
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Gill in the last three years I have been here. You have become one of the best writers I know at All Poetry. You have such a talent for unique descriptives. The poem is absolutely haunting, and beautiful.
Red -
You know Joyce.. it can transfer to NOLA.. never thought of that hun.. .. and I have been there too.. funny how my mind must have been playing this morning as I jotted notes down for this one..
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A ghost of tomorrow
she sang her names
all over the Northern Quarter
She was back
alive, almost
This so reminds me of the Aaron Neville song for Louisiana, Gill this is an exquisite write...one of the best I've seen so far on this subject.wild applause
Red -
thankie Dee.. as always.. a lovely comment
~GILL~xxx -
Sure thing jabber.. me thinks that would be cool
interesting idea.. lolololol
when, where and how.. lololololol
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After the first stanza, could I stop reading it? Hell no, it sucked me in and swirled me around, like so much water swirling in the drain. Lightheaded and trippy, it left me to reflect.
Yep, street girls got it goin' on. Maybe we could write some fantasy stuff about my muse gettin' together with your muse? Might be some sizzlin' erotica...
just sayin...
Awesome write, I'll be back to read it again, for sure! -
I do enjoy reading your writes this is no exception. I have never thought of giving my muse a name, something else for me to think about
This is wonderful, and to Angeline...nice to meet you.
~Dee -
Excellant
Very well written piece of work here the reader is drawn in by the first two amazing lines excellant read thank you for posting this
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hehheh
I had to give Guin back.. so she got a reference..
but those girls are friends..
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I felt Guin in this as I read. It reads like a siren song, and the Manchester references give it life. The first two lines are killer and draw the reader in and it continues to flow hypnotically.
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Left me speecless!
Mezmorising is the word that comes to mind for this piece.
And awesome for the poet who wrote it.I truly was lulled by the beauty and eloquence of your pen!Thank you for sharing
this most rare treasure!xoxoxoxBabs -
well i sure hope you have plans to publish these musings for i'm sure there will be a market for these fabulous works.i have enjoyed then thoroughly and i am glad to meey angeline.i hope to get to know her better through your musings.
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yes she does have heart a very well written piece. I really enjoyed this
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many thanks.. glad you enjoyed it
~GILL~xx -
thankie Mizz Cat
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Wow. This is fantastic. The first and third verses are the best. I don't know, the cadence is the best there I suppose. I love the repitition of seams in the first two italicized thingies. It makes it dream-like and ghostly. Excellent work.
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Street girls always have heart- as does this read. Excellent.
M
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