Worries disappear
borne away on the wings of
giddy shooting stars
Author notes
Written September 3rd, 2005
Haiku
Image credit: NASA/JPL-Caltech
In a list
A contest entry
- Calling ........ Haiku, Haiku, Haiku by nothinghere.
450 points, ended January 20, 2007, 58 entries
Honorable winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 19 of 19
-
Don't take this the wrong way, I didn't like it the first time I read it. Then I read it a couple more times and like it lots more.
-
short but meaningful
welll done
erica carnea
xx
-
that is a lovely read. it creates such a lovely image in your head. wow,
-
i like this very good write *
* its very good enjoyed reading it its not very long but it deff. draws a pic in your head very creatative.
-
beautifully written poem. it is a great hiaku and I Love it !!!!!!! great imagery too. I think hiakus are always challenging b/c i am not one who likes as much limits to how much I say. well great write!
-
I like this. This is good. I like the words used here. Deep and very beautiful.
All the best
Wayne Leon
-
Another great one. "borne away on the wings of giddy shooting stars." That is inspired. That's the sort of writing that elevates your work above the commonplace. You have a way with words.
CaliOkie
-
In like this
-
This is beautiful....I am trying to learn this form...
-
This is wonderful, I love the simplicity of this, yet it still has an element of suprise, definately love this one
Thankyou for entering this contest, I wish you the very best of luck
Karen -
Thank you for your comments.
In poetry not everything is supposed to be taken literally as with my use of the word "wings". The word "tail" would not fit at all in its place. Wings brings to mind the idea of weightlessness and flight which is why I chose it, this poem is talking about worry and taking that weight off of your shoulders. Giddy does the same thing, giddiness is associated with high pitched laughter and light feelings.
When you are talking about poetry you are talking about an art that is all about creativity and originality. Unless the form demands it, I don't think that each line needs to be able to stand alone. Maybe if we actually used Japanese or chinese language here and wrote haikus by the original rules that would work. In the original japanese and chinese poems each kanji character would stand alone and make sense. In english it is not so simple. I think haiku works whether it follows our english adapted rule of syllable count or not, this piece fell together all by itself and I didn't have to do a lot of editing to make the syllable count work. For me if a haiku feels/sounds right when I read it aloud I try to leave it alone, syllable count be damned, but sometimes they find the syllable count all on their own, as this one did.
Once again thank you for taking the time out to read and comment. Your impressions and criticism are appreciated.
~Laura
Edited on Jun 24, 11:10 p.m. because 'durr'. -
You really don't need to be that connected to the syllable count. Make coherant thoughts before you worry about the lines. Each line should be able to stand as an individual phrase, and shouldn't run into the next line; in other words, your second line, ending with "of," is a little weak. And I've never seen a shooting star with wings. You could change this to tail, which they have, and be just as effective. This was meant to be constructive criticism.
It really is a good poem, but feels a little more like craft than art. Break the "rules" in writing, or at least bend them a little, and you'll find beauty in the chaos. Keep writing! -
Call me a pessimist, but I never look to the stars for comfort. I guess you can blame tv and movies for that. Excellent piece though. The flow was beautiful. I do think that giddy was probably not the best adjective to use.
Score: 8.6 -
Excellent Haiku. I like the shortness of a haiku because it gets it done in a such shortness and style. Brilliant.
keep up the wonderful work. 
-
Excellent haiku with deep meaning.
Best wishes,
manoj -
well written
hello poet ...this is very well done...I like the imagery you give to the reader...good use of words...giddy...very good...well done..larry -
Fantastic! I especially love the last line, it's beautiful! Great job, and thanks for sharing
Splendid
-
So much spoken with so few words. Thanks for entering and best wishes~ Frog~
-
This was awesome with such few little words
often how much do we feel when we look or
wish upon a star
blessings
Tears
Adding your comment:
1 - 19 of 19
