Long years before our genes and chromosomes
Existed in the bodies we display,
Ancestral lines were building future homes;
Volition said that they must mark the way.
Intentions were the best that they could be-
"Now rid posterity of cares and strife;"
Gone are these ones that fought to keep us free-
Ones resolute to leave a safer life.
Unnumbered are the gifts they left behind,
Reminders of a breath we did not earn.
May we continue in our days to find
A way to say our "Thank You"s in return.
Respect their final words, their freedom's fate-
"Keep trusting Him which makes our nation great."
Author notes
I hope this will inspire you to "leave your mark" in the same way our ancestors did.
Written September 3rd, 2005
In a list
A contest entry
- Memorial Day Tribute To Our Fallen Heroes by misticmoonlite.
500 points, ended June 2, 2006, 9 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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Nice Poem
Its a very well written poem and has very good style especially with the genes and chromosomes. -
I'd have to agree with Yossarian. It fit well, but the imagery and examples were lacking. Keep it up though.
~Julia -
Bad things: I found this, as a whole, too prosaic. Which is not to say I don't like prosaic poetry, but I felt this too much lacked an interesting vocabulary to work on that level. It was spelt out in simple terms and simple metaphors. Simplicity is a nice thing to have in a poem, but sometimes we have to delve a bit. You might think about giving us more imagery and some more interesting wordings. Try making your nouns more specific (what kind of gifts, for example). If a ten word sentence can be contained in one image, go for the image.
Good things: clear intention., Not wishy washy in the least, and you managed to maintain a consistent voice and theme. I liked the subject, too. Also, I think the acrostic was not at all obtrusive, which they often can be. So points for that. It fit well.
Cheers,
Yossarian -
this is wonderful. i really enjoyed reading it! nice read and thabk you for sharing!
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I love this as our encestors did leave various traits and talents behind for us to follow, you penned this very nicely thank you for joining us in this contest..good luck..
Linda -
I think God gives me my best brain power in the evening- thanks for the applause!
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Dude, that's very good!
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