All the little things you've done
Every act you've committed
Caused me to come undone
My other self omitted
I felt rage
I felt heat
I felt pain
I felt hurt
I felt angry
I felt blind
I felt lonely
I felt deserted
I felt more
I felt more
But I knew you wouldn't care
I felt more
So much more
But I knew you'd just glare
So I said nothing
Remained silent
So I remained silent
Said nothing
I just lay there
All those times you caused me pain
I just wept there
Every time you played those games
I felt used
I felt cold
I felt stabbed in the heart
I felt useless
I felt dread
I'd been shot by your dart
I felt fear
I felt dead
All alone in the dark
But that didn't stop you
No, not at all
You just looked at me
And I felt so small
That's all it took, mom
A piercing stare
I swear that's all it took
To kill me right there
So I let my anger build
And build and build and build
Like boiling water
Until I frothed over
Then last night I dreamt of you
You in your pink pajamas
And me in my blue
You called to me
In your annoying screech
And I screamed at you
"You stupid bitch!"
You descended the oak staircase
And I rapidly followed
Screaming so loudly
In the hallway so hollow
"I fucking hate you!"
I yelled twice
At the top of my lungs
In my loudest voice
You ran to the porch
And stood there, hunched
Head in your hands
So I advanced and lunged
Straight at your chubby troat
I did shoot
And I threw you to the ground
Still clutching you
I felt rage
I felt heat
I felt pain
I felt hurt
I felt angry
I felt blind
I felt lonely
Deserted
I felt more
I felt more
But I knew you wouldn't care
I felt more
So much more
But I knew you'd just glare
My knees pressed into
Your forearms constricting
Stopping all blood-flow
And movement so slowly
I knew what you thought
That I would rape you
But I knew you thought wrong
I could never want you
I did, however
Keep seeing your bush
Appear over and over
In my fucked up mind
"Fuck you"
I ejacualted, looking into your eyes
Seeing your fear
In that face I despised
I couldn't seem to squeeze tight enough
So I squeezed harder
And breathed your breath
As I leaned forward
Then I leaned back
Erect like a tree
I looked at you
And you looked at me
I told you, cold as ice
In a bone-chilling note
If you didn't end this
I would play the final note
I got up off you
And wiped off my pants
Then went to fetch the shotgun
To blow out my brains
I stuck the barrell
On the roof of my mouth
And shot out my skull
Then dropped headless, to the ground
I just gaped in horror
And stood there with my jaw hanging
I couldn't believe this spectacle
My death, My mother's "pain"
I killed you in my sleep tonight
As I killed myself
I thought of you that night
Now I must question myself...
Oh, yeh, mom
Daddy was there, too
As I knelt before him
He showed me what he produced
A pair of scissors which he
Cut in me deep
In my shoulderblade tendon
As he told me one thing
"God hates you"
"God hates you,"
And I believed him
"God hates you"
"God hates you"
my father said
"God hates you"
"God hates you"
And I believed him
"God hates you"
"God hates you"
So I killed you instead
Author notes
Based on a very REALISTIC dream I had... I can still feel those scissors in me...
9/4/05: I was watching "Pink Floyd's: The Wall" the other day and I realized that this was very similar to that
song about Pink's mother in the movie.
Thanksgiving Day, 2005 (11/24/05): "I'm not broken but you can see the cracks." (For the contest: "Bleeding Wrists and fingertips" by FlawedSoul.)
11/30/05: Won bronze in the above contest.
12/30/05: This is a combination of abuse and murder.
1/22/06: I chose option #9--A nightmare, something or someone (in this case both) that haunts my dreams for "Shattered reflection, just like my name." [Contest] by shatteredreflection.
2/23/06: Won BRONZE in "Shattered reflection, just like my name." [Contest] by shatteredreflection, a contest of 58 entries.
Written September 3rd, 2005
June 22nd, 2007: "Cannibal Corpse" (for Nymphetamine Girl's contest)
A contest entry
- Dream Theme Group Contest by Poetry and I Inc.
450 points, ended May 11, 2007, 6 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Something Frightful This Way Comes by Tom The Invader.
450 points, ended June 21, 2007, 25 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Gore laced Insanity by Synthetic-Nightmare.
750 points, ended July 9, 2007, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Another Darkwrite Challenge by Ktulu Blackwolfe.
450 points, ended April 8, 2008, 22 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 19 of 19
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This is a very disturbing dream you had here...very deep and so raw. I love it
Thanks for the entry.
**Ktulu Blackwolfe** -
O.O
WOW!! First off, kudos cause i love LONG POEMS! It makes it more fun to read. ANd second, just....THIS WAS A DREAM? this is impressive. It is so full of power and emotion.....so well done and captured thoughts and insanity quite well i must add. Great job and good luck!
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hmmm... what can I say? I'm impressed. I liked it, it was very good. Thank you for entering and good luck!
Megan -
WOW!!! Astonishing write on such a profound dream...
Parents will do it to you every time...this one made my skin crawl, as it was somewhat personal...tell me poet, are you reading my dreams? Hmmmmm...Very well done...
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Deep, rivoting, and so painful and filled with personal anguish. Great job on detailing it. Good luck in the contest, and thx for entering. -theQueen"
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intense
Hey, this piece is very dark and intense; really the only thing about it that bothered me was the repetition. Obviously, though, the people here are divided on that aspect. Not to sound like I'm picking on you, but you have typos in stanzas 16, 23, 28, and 31. Also, "shoulderblade" is two words. Really those are the only things bad about this piece; I can really feel your emotions in this write, you really made it come alive. It was a very disturbing poem but that is exactly what I am looking for. Nice job. Good luck in the contest
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This is great. I felt your pain and anger in every line. The way you repeated your feelings after certain actions really helped emphasize the power of them. Really awesome. You have an amazing talent. Rock on.
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WOW!!!
WOW! That's all I have to say! WOW! so many emotions, so much hate. In the beginning this reminded me of my type of situation, although not hate for my mother. But wow! You literally made me cry. And I don't cry easily. Thank you very much for entering this poem in my contest! It's amazing... did you stab me with those scissors by any chance? cause that's what it feels like. this is very descriptive and very good! I felt like I was the one living it. Which would be interesting since I'm a girl... but anyway, wow... I'm pretty speechless... there's something i wanna say but I'm not sure how to put it into words. but thank you for entering. i appreciate it! and wow. good luck... wow. take care! <3-Erin -
Some very interesting use of technique here... well-deployed rhymes and repetition to enhance the growing tension and impact of the poem. And I commend the subtle Oedipal allusion in the pink and blue pyjamas...
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I don't know what I thought it of this. It was odd and disturbing. The writing was a little blande and I didn't like the repetitiveness, it seemed pointless to me. I think it would have been more effective with no repeating. I don't know, ha I really can't think of anything to say.
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oh my gosh...that is sooooo amazing...it makes me shiver..amazing!
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you blew me away. the beginning was kind of shaky; i thought it would be a 'poor me' poem, but this blew me away. i saw you standing over your mom... and just wow... keep up the excellent work. i would consider revising the first couple stanzas, but overall, excellent work.
~K~ -
whoaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! oh my fucking god. words cannot express how fucking good this is. oh. my. god. I am giving you points. lots of points. yes. you deserve them. this is amazing. magnificent.
cara -
wow, deep. this was good, kinda all over the place but has the same basic meaning. i liked the way you described your feelings throughout the poem. good write. take care
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astounding
i think.
that this poem,
is amazing.
amazing.
amazing.
you described the feeling perfectly, and,
i think the repeat of "god hates you"
burns my mind.
you're the man. -
Wtf...urag
-
amazing
Wow. This is extremely powerful. I too enjoyed the structure. And too could feel your pain. You are so good at this type of write.
Please check out my contest...I think you would do well in it!
Keep the amazing writes coming!!!
~
~:jade:~ ~
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Wow... powerful stuff here! I like the structure of this but not as much as I loved how I could feel the pain you were going through. Sort of.. Lol! Fantastic write though!
Love Aimee - xx -
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oh.. my.. gosh.. WOW! O.O I am shocked at the intensity of this poem! First of all, I'd like to say it'd make an amazing metal song nods and second of all, this is extreamly disturbing, and that makes it so good. I love the format, the rhyming, I love evreything about it, and the twist at the end. I'm glad I got to read a new poem from you, I'm always looking for 'em! lol, well.. the dream sounds like a nightmare, and I'm sorry you had to go through it! Well, I'll ttyl hopefully!
I miss you!
Take Care,
Jasmine
a
for you
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