To where this course should lead may compass clasp
And draw no further from a heart's worn grasp,
Or lose these winds to smash where hopes remove,
Like dreams of land that seas shall never love.
It does me naught to think; I drift therefore,
As dawn begets new day, and love you more,
Bereft of trappings, dropped and cut behind,
Though still these weighty hooks draw deep my mind
And burdens task and task... Oh, cry demand!
Of questions posed to answer gentler hands
That currents stole away. Each soul bares all
Its hopes and leaves to mourn its tragic fall--
That love has bound my dreams to imperfection
And leaves me lost, adrift, in your direction...
Author notes
[Sonnet]
Written September 2nd, 2005
In a list
What did you think
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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The Shakespearean style is the blood of this theme and it flows through a strong poetic heart. Very well done. I always enjoy the sea/boating motif.
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this was a beautiful write you did a wounderful job on this poem i really love how you poetry just flows off of the page again you did a great job keep up the good workk
good luck
vampiry julianna -
A rare thing to see! A fine Shakespearean sonnet! Excellent!
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Well, here is the love sonnet (the olden-day theme of sonnets)and you've done a pretty good job with it as well maintaining iambic meter throughout and a solid rhyme. I like the fact that though you have 3 lines with 11 syllables, they aren't broken fingers crippling the rhythm of this write. You did a good job with this. Lovely writing. Best wishes and
s... ~genielassie~
Edited on Sep 12, 7:47 because 'sp'. -
this is good,it starts out with such powerful words,and then at the end idk it just fit so perfectly together and didnt seem forced in the least great write
~Laura
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It reads like a sonnet and I enjoyed its read. I detect some angst in this, but more love or the desire for love.
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Great peom!!! Although I didn't feel any angst in this poem, it felt more loving to me then anything. Also you met all qualifcations for a sonnet so great job with that too, now just give it some music and you got a Hit there. Good job and keep writing!!!
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faints
oh wow what a write this is
straight masterpiece and therefore i shall give a poetic reply
Here onto through this night
My heart, as well as yours, will take flight
Ne'er fear all those things that is a give and take
Hoping for all of my love is there for all heaven's sake
Show this love the direction...this i implore
Do not think that you'll hear the echo of nevermore -
Very soft and sentimental. I does seem, perhaps just to me or that my mind is 'swimming', but it does seem to drift. The words have this off handed feel to them, that even as you write this, you are heavy lost in the 'you'. So in that regard, I'll say you meant your goal with this poem. Or at least is my contention.
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it didn't really flow for me very well but I read it more as prose and really enjoyed it
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I think I improved the flow. I didn't notice how often I used the word 'that'. thanks.. it is a very stocatto word. I think it flows better now.
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I'll see if I can do something about that.
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I noticed you repeated "that," a few times and couldn't help but wonder how much stronger the flow of the poem would be without the many occurrances of the word. Otherwise I enjoyed reading. It had a good, solid message that is easily grasped and understood.
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tis a good write had to read twice cus i am slow that way sometimes but was a good write
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