What I see is nothing but the truth
Hidden behind worried lines and old speckles.
Those days I spoke of in prior times
Are that which cling to me like moth balls,
And devour me as such; limp clothing.
The face I see is what existed then;
I cannot look past it, nor direct.
Those lips had spoken words wraught
With anger unchained, now regretted;
Though unheard by anyone but me.
Those eyes so full, yet empty;
Full of grace and empathy, but without hope.
For what surrounds them is large,
Fed by sorry memories and forgotten cheer.
What I see is tired, worn; unknown to all.
Author notes
Written on 1st September 2005 at 03:44 GMT
This is one of my first pieces using proper punctuation. Usually I wouldn't have any at all. I used it here because I felt the whole poem was going 'against the grain'. I had rarely written truth about myself, and this is about what I saw in the mirror at the time of writing. What was there was only visible to me, because I hide my true self from the world.
In a list
- trophy 1 - gold • next in list
- about my life • next in list
- written for contests • next in list
- 11-20 • next in list
- rhyme: none • next in list
- self-realisations • next in list
A contest entry
- Your Best Work by Nicole Hanna.
500 points, ended May 21, 2006, 13 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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I'd have loved it if you delved a little deeper into your use of punctuation here in this piece. You've grazed the surface, but it seems you stopped before fully explaining its purpose in the poem, and I think it could've gone further. At any rate, what you DID explain, worked well with the poem. Thank you for entering.
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this poem is very well written. congrats. nice use of imagery. it kinda freaked me out. lol. i can almost see it all. this is quite powerful, due to your great word choice.
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Excellent!!!!
This a very well written piece! and I enjoyed it very much!!!
Those lips had spoken words wraught
With anger unchained, now regretted;
Though unheard by anyone but me.
Those eyes so full, yet empty;
Full of grace and empathy, but without hope.
For what surrounds them is large,
Fed by sorry memories and forgotten cheer.
What I see is tired, worn; unknown to all.
This is my favorite part!! It's very well written! And I LOVE it! Your style is different than many and I like that. A lot of people think they have to rhyme to get poems to sound good, but you don't and I love yours just the way it is! This is an excellent example of a poem that does not need rhyming to be good! I really enjoyed your poem! thank you so much for entering it in my contest! Take care!! And thank you! You don't know how much I appreciate it! take care! <3 <3-Erin -
Hey, thank you for your wonderful comment! I'm glad you liked it so much, that always makes my effort worthwhile...
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Wow! Looks like you got this in just under the wire! lol And I'm so glad you did! This is an awesome write! One that seems to cut deeply to the core of yourself! It conveyed a sense of sadness, as though you are resigned to what you see in yourself, and have more or less made peace with it. (Something I'm still working on, for myself.) You've a real talent for words, and expressing your thoughts! Thank you so very much for this wonderful entry!
Paula -
"Hidden behind worried lines and old speckles.
Those days I spoke of in prior times
Are that which cling to me like moth balls,
And devour me as such; limp clothing."
Your imagery is well placed. I saw & felt all. There's a beautiful sadness to this piece, but I enjoyed it all the same. -
hmmm...i can see everything you put here..and the emotion is good..but i can't seem to feel the reason why you wrote it. it could be that i just woke up and my eyes are tired..i think you are feeling invisible, and that people see somebody that you aren't..that's what i'm thinking..i'm probably totally off. but it was a good write, none the less.
babybug121
Adding your comment:
1 - 7 of 7
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