by ~Gregg Rowe~
A man with dark hair, blue eyes -- never trust
His temper flares up, attitude is raised
"Accept my life --which is a total maze!"
It is the male -- whom you'll forever lust
And when you are broken -- finally bust --
While you walked your life in a loves haze
You woke up today from your mortal daze
Into tomorrow -- flies he -- with the dust
jump into our spring
feel its coolness of its warmth
before autumn arrives
It is not through a piece of tail with you
I've now a foundation, a base support,
A friend whose heart has become your land's quilt
I extend my chambers, my blood deep blue --
To watch goodbyes, background statue of sort --
I will remain -- to see -- your dream is built
Author notes
Gregorian Sonnaiku (How To Write This New Form—Learning Column)
by lordoftherings
allpoetry.com/Column/1043872
Written August 31st, 2005
In a list
A contest entry
- Let your heart do the talking by Poetic-Goddess.
300 points, ended December 29, 2005, 37 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - My Paradise by Angelo di Luce.
400 points, ended December 9, 2008, 22 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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Build your own paradise?
Excellent idea, and an excellent write
Thank you for entering -
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This will have to be disqualified
I just saw the notice on your contest page and wonder how I missed it to begin with in which you requestd Free Verse poems only.
My apologies for taking up your time with this read and I thank you for the opportunity to showcase it as well as your commentsl.
Gregg
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Hello Gregg R.
You are a tremendously talented man with a dream not unlike my own. I have recently completed a degree in English, but I wished it could have included studies in creative writing.
I guess I am saying this because I see in you what I see in myself, and as I read your comments and remember all your work that I have seen...I just wanted to say I feel this.
I am so glad that you have someone to hold dear.
I hope for your dream, as I do mine.
Katarine -
Richard: I want to thank you so much for the link that you posted with this message. I have just ventured a little onto his site to see a quick view of it and will go back later on this weekend when I get back home to read more.
As always, I amm indepted to you for continuing to come back and read my work and leave a comment or tow (chatty or not) and in due time, I will be back n full swing to return reading favors...but medical difficulties prevent me from spending a lot of time on the computer because I tire easily and have too many headaches to concentrate on what I am internalizing. We are hoping that in another twenty-eight weeks this treatment will be over and I will be able to lead the life that I had before. Then, after two years I will be able to go back to university and finish that degree in English Literature and Creative Writing.
Hope everything is well with you and I enjoy very much coming on line and seeing that you are still here with the rest of my cyber family that has given me unconditional support over the past year.
Gregg 
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heavenly
Gregg, this is wonderfully written and another highly expressive insight into the inner workings of your soul; and an elegant soul, by all i’ve read. Love the form you’ve created, i must try it someday. (I caught the “paradis” pronounciation, btw, i was so proud of myself---i figgered it was cause of the French influences surrounding the area)
Just an aside here, if i might. I spend a bit of time on the net doing searches. i search for this’s and that’s, some of it is work related, mostly i am just curious, like the monkey, George. I’m about as simple as George. honestly, i saw Forest Gump and wondered what was so abnormal about him. I am as slow, at times, and as uncomplicated.
I don’t remember the specific search, something about internet café’s in the search string, and found a site and read “28 September 2005 Diary: The slinkiest Internet café award 2005” and did not even pay attention to the ie: address. gaythailand.blogspot.com/
I was so caught up in the stories he was writing, the reality and honesty of it all. Damn if i was surprised he is gay. It never entered my mind until the earlier entries i was reading changed. I was so enthralled with his view of life. It wasn’t until then that i noticed the address was compelled to read on. There is wonderful transparency in evidence as he describes day to day living for him in Thailand. I have no other acquaintances in my circle of friends who would appreciate the candor contained within each delicate offering. (so much like your work ) I enjoyed reading his entries; i hope you enjoy them as well. I always find so much to say when finally get here. Hmmm. i never thot of myself as chatty, but you bring that out in me when i read your writing.
Blessings and best wishes, ~richard
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Wonderful piece!
david -
Wonderful! I'm very new to poetry, So I really don't understand rules and the sort, but I really enjoyed it!
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Chasedbythecows: Just a quick response to your last part of your message while I have the time (will be back later to leave my paw prints over your page ).
I need to leave it as Paradis because that is that last name of the person who is building the house with me. The land is called Bienvenue au Paradis (his last name) also meaning in English Paradise because he is building this paradise not only for himself, but also for me. Everything in this dream is built around the combination of his world of conservatism and my world of liberalism, in the country. It is also built around a Francophone who has lived here in Quebec all his life and an Anglophone who has roots here and has come back home. (I am in the process of finishing a chapter to my novel displaying this relationship -- it still amazes me how people cannot think that two gay men could have a platonic relationship together--but yet we still believe in sinister sisters . The problem I have with leaving the French word in the title is that I cannot italicize it since I am not a Gold member!
Edited on Sep 07, 7:52 p.m. because ''. -
Wow, I have trouble remembering all the rules for the regular forms and then all these creative people come along and create/blend more forms with yet more rules. Well, mucho mucho kudos to you for being able to pull one of these off. I thought the first stanza seemed a bit forced in its rhymingness, but some relative at some point has probably told you not to take advice from quacking ducks (as opposed to the non-quacking variety). Hmm there's really not much else to say minus the obvious fact that this is a stunning poem, all flowly and goodly and meaningfully which is the most important part and why don't I just shut up and fly away now?
By the way, for your title did you mean "Building Paradise," not Paradis? Hmm, apperantly that's a town in LA, why I know that I don't know. -
Dear Gregg,
I applaud the content and message in this write but your meter (for a sonnet/sonnaiku) is very wayward. After a perfect iambic pentameter start you run into tetrameter lines and consecutive stresses against which, in your rules for sonnaiku, you correctly admonish. Full marks for the abbaabba --- cdecde rhyming and for the haiku and volta. Applause.
Best wishes and regards. Hugh. -
Once again, Im stunned into silence by your ability Greg. Awesome job, you rock. ^^x Best love and wishes for you,
Blessed Be,
Rose. -
this is really good
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wow this is great
the dicription and stuff
this poem was kool
r u aa gold member?
this is awesome
good job!
much luv,
aby
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