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Beneath the Satin Sheet...

Beneath the satin sheet, she lay curled,
weeping to the sound of her lonely
                                                   heart beating.
“NO” she cried,
                  but, not aloud,
disappearing into the fabric.
If only she’d lifted her head
                        one moment sooner,
He would have been curling up around her.
   There, listening, as two hearts beat in time,
like delicate dove wings in flight.
In flight above the skies, and oceans,
                                          above her broken shell.
But, no,
Clasping the milky blanket,
                                             alone…
She only heard one lonely heart beat.
And so did he.

Author notes

NOt too sure about the title yet...
Written August 31st, 2005

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Comments

1 - 9 of 9

  • November 30, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Amazing, well done on this.
    Edited on Nov 30, 11:42 because ''.

  • taraboo
    November 2, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    This brought tears to my eyes. I love it, although it was sad. Great work, and choice of words.


  • TSpan
    October 3, 2005
    Edit | Reply

    lovely

    i can see what it is... very nice
    a little sad in a lonely way but good


  • Samplette gold member
    September 6, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    This is beautifully written. Intensely painful and sad. You leave the reason for the lonely hearts up to the readers...excellent presentation.
    I enjoyed the read very much.
    Sam


  • shubs
    August 31, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    A tribute to two lovers who were,I guess from what I could assuage from your beautiful words and their arrangement..well written--Shubs

  • mad-n-luvin-it
    August 31, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    This is really good! I think the title works really well. Some fantastic imagery throughout. Well done. A great write.

  • gut full of bloOd
    August 31, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    hehe...great poem.... very different!! i really loved this bit:

    If only she’d lifted her head
    one moment sooner,
    He would have been curling up around her.
    There, listening, as two hearts beat in time,
    like delicate dove wings in flight.
    In flight above the skies, and oceans,
    above her broken shell.
    But, no,
    Clasping the milky blanket,
    alone…
    She only heard one lonely heart beat.
    And so did he.

    soo good!! hehe..keep it up ur very good!


  • silverscent gold member
    August 31, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Thank you

  • Orisis
    August 31, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    this is a interesting stucture to the poem although i am not quite sure that i understand what is happening here, not that, that matters much really cause i still think that the flow of the poem works really well and it did bring up emotions in me although again i am not sure what to be feeling great write

1 - 9 of 9