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Sit Quietly Apart

 


It’s not that it’s tainted, not real, or false,
that makes this love hurt, and I wouldn’t say sucks,
but how did this love ever come to be growing
through all this heartache and suffering?

 

If I let it go, it comes back, haunting me,
like I shouldn’t have released it,
and I forever agree.
But oceans of impossible sorrow lie between,
I sail by starlight; it is dark, hard to see.

 

This love is more basic that words-
I can’t put it plainly;
think of bare feet on broken glass
and laughing in pain.

 

If this love ever meets again, it may still be pure,
and the sun may certainly shine warmly through,
then the misunderstanding all over again
from the cruel demons that dance around in here.

 

This love tainted? No. pure, yes.
Forbidden now? Yes, it is the end.
If I ever wrote what we actually had
you would wonder how it ever came to an end.
It's quite simple, really, life offers many paths,
and now we both have taken them.

 

“How was it, how about a taste?” they explicitly ask.
But no, it is dear to me yet,
I’ll have to pass.
“Just one little story...” they urge me on,
but I cannot so easily part with
pure love gone wrong.

 

So where is this love now,
has it been broken?
Is it flung wildly about
with slim hope and small token?

 

I guess love is so precious
however it plays,
If you can’t share it, then sit quietly apart,
and just be amazed.

 

 

Author notes

Oops, contest rules! sorry, I wrote mine from personal experience and the emotions clouded my brain! I'm better now... I think...
I commented on 'Holding Close' by vinillalace (the companion piece to this, I believe!) (AP granddaughter)
and 'Tainted Romance' by VampiressAngel (AP daughter)
and 'My Gift To You' by Bsmoke (AP grandson-in-law!)
and 'Forced and Forgotten' by sky black (AP greatgranddaughter!)

Written August 30th, 2005

In a list

A contest entry

What did you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 17 of 17

  • wbiro gold member
    September 8, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    An applause for you, bsmoke, for your proof-reading eye! Yes, sometimes two must come to know what the 'best' relationship between them is, and it isn't easy, let me tell you!!! Now this would all truly be for naught if we weren't also writers here...


  • September 8, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    excellent write wbiro. i love the way it ends, for love is indeed an amazing thing. the first line of the second stanza though i believe is supposed to read "if i let it go, it comes back, haunting me" but other than that everything is great. good luck in the contest


  • wbiro gold member
    August 31, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Thanks, Dr P! If you knew the story behind this one, well, I don't know if you wear socks, but they be blown off!


  • wbiro gold member
    August 31, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    abernaith- thanks, I've read that poem before! My rosebud-gathering days have past, I'm afraid! But here one can taste it again if only for a moment...


  • wbiro gold member
    August 31, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    thanks, dregs, this piece needed the impassioned critique of an outsider, and you caught some very difficult things to catch! An applause for you!

  • Dr P
    August 31, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    looks like im late out of the blocks on reviewing this. i liked it, seemed confused though, maby intentional im not sure. i liked it in the way you wanted to say thta the love you felt wasnt one or the other pure but forbidden, nice.
    Well done hope your ok
    Good luck
    Rae V


  • dregs
    August 31, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    not too bad, i think you need to reread the poem for typos, i found a few. 2nd stanza, 4th stanza, just reread it, you missed words and letters here and there.


  • Anthony-
    August 31, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Interesting piece. Discovery and inability to explain such a phenomena strikes me as the core of this piece. Well done to be able to explicitly state what this is and it's intentions. Tony.


  • abernaith
    August 30, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    "think of bare feet on broken glass,
    and laughing in pain."

    The gives your subject just that touch of pain, to make the sadness sharper. The poem felt very personal, the speaker yearns, and yearns so painfully. Strangely though, it quite put me in mind of this poem, which if I didn't know any better would, perhaps, be what I call, your poem's "anti-thesis":

    Gather ye Rosebuds While ye May

    Gather ye rosebuds while ye may,
    Old time is still a-flying,
    And this same flower that smiles today,
    To-morrow will be dying.

    The glorious lamp of heaven, the sun,
    The higher he's a-getting,
    The sooner will his race be run,
    And nearer he's to setting.

    That age is best which is the first,
    When youth and blood are warmer;
    But being spent, the worse and worst
    Times still succeed the former.

    Then be not coy, but use your time,
    and while ye may, go marry;
    For having lost just once your prime,
    You may for ever tarry.


    Robert Herrick


    *sigh* Love is the greatest thing to behold...in television.


  • Domberg
    August 30, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Very touching poem. I can relate to this. Loving someone with a love you know is pure but they won't love you back because they may not know it or they just won't. And you'll forever love them no matter what happens to you or them because it always comes back. Great write, loved it!!!!

  • nolonger
    August 30, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    This was a beautiful peom, full of longing and hurt, I loved every word of this, and understand it all too well, and hey,, did you know you just enterd my sons contest Hes amazing, youd love him, anyhow, this was magnificent, full of emotion, confusion, but was dead on,, I really liked this one, it stuck with me long after I read it
    hugs kisses love and such
    always
    ~ vini ~

  • TiFF
    August 30, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    good job i really like it.. seems very deep good write.. look foward to reading your other pieces

  • Saint-Laurent
    August 30, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Forgot to say, I could see you were being deliberatly literal in the line "This love is more basic than words,
    I can’t put it plainly". It does have the desired impact of lifting those lines out of the poem.


  • wbiro gold member
    August 30, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    thanks for the early critique, ysl, very constructive. The two metaphorical images you mention stand out because the rest of the poem is literal, heightening their impact.


  • wbiro gold member
    August 30, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Reply to Touch, it's really OK, I'm not completely blind! My next piece will be titled, "Just Me Lamenting In Here, Go Away!" lol
    Edited on Aug 30, 10:58 p.m. because ''.

  • Saint-Laurent
    August 30, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    I didn't like the slant rhyme exists/by it. Also in a poem whenever I actually see the word pain, I tend to think of all the possible ways it can be represented instead of said.
    I did like the line "sail by starlight" as I like the consonance and it suggest two disticnt images for me. One is the maritime pursuit of just that, the other is a more magical riding of starlight. Also like the line "bare feet on broken glass" again nice consonance and image.


  • Touchof1der silver member
    August 30, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    This is such a sad piece sweetie. I know you are going through a lot right now and it breaks my heart to read the things dripping from your pen these days.

    I found him
    alone and quiet
    without love
    no tender touches
    void of affection
    with arms outstretched
    I reached out
    asking him
    to take a chance
    come feel the warmth
    the comfort
    the love
    waiting and wanting

    sometimes life is cruel
    unexplainable even

    move closer

    he does

    I can see a glow
    in his brooding eyes
    and the set line of his lips

    before long,
    he begins to smile
    to laugh
    to talk
    to write again
    revealing his passion
    and his love

    I watch his heart open

    he steps into my arms
    they close around him

    wrapped in a safe place
    I welcome him

    (`'•.¸(`'•.¸ ¤ ¸.•'´)¸.•'´)
    ~~~Touchof1der~~~
    (, .•'(¸.•'´ ¤ `'•.¸)`'•.¸)


    Edited on Aug 30, 10:52 p.m. because ''.

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