Could you reach inside
And pull me out
Might kick or scream
Or even pout.
But if you see me where I hide,
Please give me some direction.
I'm curled up like a kitten
At the feet of your affection
Do you see me seeing you?
Trembling passion pouring through.
Do you feel me feeling you?
Your kiss melts through
My inhibitions.
No memory of
The worlds conditions.
Want to stay up in the clouds
And dance with you a while
Stepping to the music
In the sunlight of your smile.
Do you see me seeing you?
Trembling passion pouring through.
Do you feel me feeling you?
Author notes
Option 1
Written August 29th, 2005
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lovely
Aww... that was beautiful! :-D You capture the happiness and hope of love so well. And also the fear. It's all very well-written. It makes me feel like I'm dancing in the clouds, too. Oh, and I also like your metaphors. Such wonderful figurative language! :-)
My favorite lines:
"Want to stay up in the clouds
And dance with you a while
Stepping to the music
In the sunlight of your smile."
Absolutely perfect!
-1/2 Jap <3 Attack
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good but cold
i liked this...
the opening lines got me
Could you reach inside
And pull me out
obviously - err... on a personal level - the answer would have to be no... its like a vet job... a cows arse... err
but the sentiment
can someone rescue me..
can i be saved from me
i understand more from your distilation...
my thoughts on this are... depression is self directed anger... anger is best directed externaly
ide recomend - unless you know who your enemy is... u take a look at arms dealers
there fukin arseholes they are
lol
peace
Edited on Nov 26, 6:57 p.m. because 'fukin cant fukin spell fuk'. -
Lol. Sometimes I do write longer songs, but the person who does most of the music in my house is quite often on the money at 2 and half or 3 minutes of music. He plays wonderfully so I try to allow for portions of his music to shine through. This one I probably could write another verse for though, simply because I think it is going to be my own acoustic version. I also left out the repeat of the first verse, etc so it would read more like poetry. Thanks so much for the comments. I think I am going to really enjoy your class.
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Nice!
This is a very nicely done song! My only suggestion would be to maybe write another verse, just so it's a bit longer. You might even consider adding a bridge, too. We'll go over that in the class...Nice job!
~Robert
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This is almost jolly in it's form, it trots along at a lovely pace, and is a delight to read.
Barb -
Thistle, I really enjoyed this one. I really like an upbeat poem that rhymes, the two seem to go together so well! Best of luck in the contest!
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