Turbulent night.
Words. Sound.
Storm. Rain. Light.
Pictures are mouldered.
Eyes opened wide,
wet and dark
like the primordial land.
Blue kaleidoscope's power
dissolved with a force of salt ,
eyelashes like faded flower.
Nothing. Just rain.
Thunder and lightning.
The same old pain.
Author notes
Written August 29th, 2005
In a list
What did you think
Comments
1 - 24 of 24
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Thank you Anna85. Yes, colors was used with a proper intention. Also It was picture of thunder above verses with the same color. You are absolutely right with your comment.
~Sonja~ -
striking
works nicely with the background + colour choices, Like a flash of lightening in a storm. Just a random comment to say LOVE your use of language!! -
I am glad you like it. I hope you will have a lot of good entries soon.
~Sonja~ -
This was extremely... vivid! I could just picture all that and lemme tell you, this is one of my favs in this contest... thanks for entering!
Dare2Dream -
Thank you dragonfly for this very nice comment and good wishes. I am glad that you like it.
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This is beautiful, there is so much description and imagery in the few lines that there are. I like the stanzas
"Blue kaleidoscope power
dissolved with salt force,
eyelash like faded flower." they are really powerful. The rhyming is flawless aswell, which makes the poem flow really well. Keep the ink flowing hun, and thank youfor entering my contest xxx
-dragonfly-
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Thank you Misty. I am really glad that you like it. Let the best win.
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thank you for entering my contest this one took me two reads to really apperciate but i am glad i did.
Blue kaleidoscope power
dissolved with salt force,
eyelash like faded flower.
the above quoted staza is perfectly amazing and inspiring.... wow its going to be hard to judge this one but i am up for the challange. keep on writing and impressing us all good luck.
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Well, Branndi, I do preffer shorter poems. When I want to say more, I am writin a novel.
Thank you for your valuable comment. you are always welcome on my site.
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You seem to have been able to choose each word perfectly in order to complete such a short, and sweet poem. I absolutely loved it! And I thought it was very vivid to one's mind, allowing us to visualize it quite well.
Good luck in the contest! -
Thank you for you very nice, honest and kind comment. Mostly, I like to use pictures, smells, sound, music, but also a loot of feelings related to all sensations. I agree with you. We are not only shape for flash and bones. We have a soul, but body without soul is nothing. And souls makes us to be human beeing with feelings. Sometimes sad, sometimes not.
~Sonja~ -
Whew, Good
I am afraid that for the most part, this poem reminds me of one of the difficulties that the telivision generation has. A lot of their poetry is made up of shocking juxtaposition of visual imagery, like "the crystal fish swam in the blood-red air". I loved your images, but if you hadn't assed that last line I would not have liked it. That last line swells the poem into a whole new dimension. -
You are always welocme to my site Billie and your comments are a good suport to my English effort.
~Sonja~ -
This poem was a bliss of situation and I had to put it on the paper. Thank you again for your comment and applause.
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Very vivid and imaginative. Fantastic write. Good to see another side to your talent my friend.
Blessed be
~~Serenity~~
Billie Jean -
Hi, very beautiful, the similie to a storm and life's storm was very lovely, the sadness in this poem I find very moving, when you read it you want to hold the person and take away the pain, wonderful my friend, you have my applause, hugs Di
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Thank you Jewel. I am glad that you are related to my feelings. Your comment is very nice and very precious to me.
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This is wonderful sad write my friend..really powerful and full of sad emotions..very well written..I loved the imagery here..I always love nature imagery..rain , storm..all those things are really connected to those sad feelings somehow..Fantastic piece..keep it up Sonja
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Thank you Gordi. Life is very strange. Pieces mouldered everywhere. It is very hard to keep everything on the place. Sometimes only warm, sad eyes salt rain can was up, or just heal for awhile, our pain.
~Sonja~ -
excellent
True very sad ...with a feeling of frustration .The feelings seem to merge into a kaleidoscope of night and the storm in our minds. " eyes open wide " I think we see the storm but pretend to be blind. First line says"Turbulent night" last line .."same old pain" Loved the imagery and the flow although sad it captured the feelings of life -
Thank you Amy. You know that I am a low words poet. Mostly. Your good wishes are always welcome.
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wow... sonja.. this is such a wonderful and powerful write... so little words.. yet those choosen were perfect You have my applause and well wishes in the contest Amy
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Thank you Eusebius.
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Bravo
Fine poem, proving, once again, that simple is most often best and powerful.
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