A Dream of Death
He lies in his bed, and he's dreaming
of unspoken beauty and death.
Her smile gives his life a new meaning,
her kiss sucks away his life's breath.
His dream is so strange and so vivid,
he sees, and he touches, the feel.
Her face is so ashen and livid,
he knows that this dream is for real.
He feels that he somehow should know her,
her names are as countless as stars,
her eyes make the strongest man cower,
her arms are a pattern of scars.
And should he look deep in her dark eyes,
it would be his final mistake,
he would then forever be her prize,
he knows he would never awake.
© Jim T. Henriksen
August 29th, 2005
Author notes
This poem won the Gold trophy in Albus2's contest "Enter if you dare #2! ..." 
"You get what anyone gets - you get a lifetime." - Death (from Sandman by Neil Gaiman)
Written August 29th, 2005
In a list
What did you think
Comments
1 - 98 of 98
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Please re-read my rules. This does not fit into any of my options and does not personify the ideas I requested. You mention them, but don't personify them. Your piece is disqualified.
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Well,
I accept that my poem is disqualified, but I really thought it would qualify, as Death is personified through the dream of the first perspective person, "he". Could you maybe give me your opinion on the poem itself? Not asking you to take it back in...
Jim
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Hi, PrInCeSs AnAsTaCiA! Thanks for reading and commenting on my poem, I am glad you loved the emotions...
Jim
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this is great i love the emotion thanks for entering and good luck
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Hello, Steph!
Thank you for your compliment. Yes, others has commented that this poem gives them a chill. 
Thanks for the comment, and the applause!! Jim
Ps. Seems you like my dream/death themed poems, but I guess you will like my other poetry aswell.
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more applause here!!!! you are such a good writer jim..(you probably know that already tho...lol) i love the last stanza the best here, it leaves it on a hauntingly note. from steph
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Thanks for the comment, and the applause, Never Say Goodbye! Jim
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I really like this poem...very creative...
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You're right, I did try to psych you out, but it seems you caught me.
I stand no chance against your "Rape And Revenge"!
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Bravo, Bravo, Bravo!!!
Oh brother of mine, your dark muse was certainly with you for this poem. I applaud you for an outstanding work. I felt death wrapping it's arms around me as I read on. Cold chill runs down my spine as the haunting music starts to play. LOL
I can see why you got a gold previously with this one. It is superb in rhyme and flows like a river to the sea. How could you even say you were feeling the least bit envious.
I think you were just trying to psych your sis out so she would get all worried about this contest.
Guess what, I don't worry...I just work even harder to make you do the same.
I have no doubt it will. Again, excellent work here and Best wishes in the contest. Let's try and keep it in the family. 
Joyce
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Thanks Huntress! Kiss of Death, embrace of Death, tickle of Death... same thing. Thanks for the applause!
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Very nicely done, almost like the kiss of death
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Thanks for the comment, and the applause! I appreciate both.
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Hey starhiker! Thought I'd take your advice and have a look at this poem. I loved it!!! It was so dark and chilling and beautifully written. Thanks for commenting on my other poems as well
Wolver -
Thanks for the suggestion, but it totally crashes with the rythm. Every line is eight syllables, you see. Your suggestion makes the last stanza 8-8-9-7... But thanks for the input!
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Alternative ending suggestion for 'A Dream Of Death':
And if he should fall for her embrace
It would be his last mistake
lying eternally face to face
knowing he'd never wake
let me know what you think... -
Thanks, captain splat! Please tell me what you suggest to change, and I will look at it... Thanks for the applause!
Edited on Sep 15, 5:16 because 'Typo!'. -
Great
I was really enthralled by this piece of work, it had a wonderful flow and the content was excellent. Even though it was a competition winner (and you are applauded for this), I still believe that a bit of work is needed on the final verse, as in my opinion it seemed to trail off and loose the lovely flow of the poem.. -
Thanks, Yuna. Glad you liked it! I guess "creepy" is a good word for it, yeah. Thanks for the applause!
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cool! *shivers* creepy or what! This is fantastic! I keep using that word but it is true. It flows brilliant and goes really well with the topic. Great read.
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Thank you, ForeverDreaming, for the comment and the applause. I appreciate it!
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wowy that is deep. it is powerful and strong with it's words. very nice. keep up the good work
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Thanks, Blue! Glad you liked it. And thanks for the applause, I appreciate it!
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A beautiful poem, I'd say. I get such nice visual images from reading this poem..
I applaud you. -
Thanks for the comment, and the applause, rose blood, I appreciate it a lot!
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awesome
Very very nice. I like it a lot. -
Hi, Di! Thanks for the applause, my friend! Chat with you later!
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Glad you approve, Albus. Your opinion is always highly valued!
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Thanks Manoj, the contest should be ending soon, hope this poem wins.
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Thanks, Dean Brown, for saying my poem is irresistable.
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Thanks for your comment, Shadow Lies!
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PS,I pressed applause but it did not go ,so here we go again, hugs
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Hi, I loved this poem so the applause is given with respect for a great poem, hugs Di
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Excellent job! Really fabulous!
His dream is so strange and so vivid,
he sees, and he touches, the feel.
Her face is so ashen and livid,
he knows that this dream is for real.
He feels that he somehow should know her,
her names are as countless as stars,
her eyes make the strongest man cower,
her arms are a pattern of scars.
Oh! Awesome! Amazing! I applaud you! -
Loved the way this poem flowed, the rhyming was fantastic. It is a brilliant poem, with emotion and a great image. Good Luck in the contest
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Fantastic poem full of emotion. You have written very well with apt details of love.
Excellent rhyme with nice ending.
Best wishes and good luck in the contest.
manoj -
Wow, I really liked it, very very interesting, great flow as well!
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Thanks, Kitty. I don't mind two praises of my poem from the same person, especially when it's you... Thanks for the applause!
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As i said before (but i need to say again for the contest) this is an absolutely amazing and powerful poem. It is so beautiful.
One love,
Kitty xxx -
Just fine, Myra. I just stated the real image behind the poem. And thanks again.
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Well, thank you, gaucho. And thanks for the applause!
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I know -- I was just stating the alternative Nevertheless, Your voice is strong.
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Very good...
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A dream of loving Death, that is... This poem is about dying in your sleep... Thanks for the applause!
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Superb
Dreaming Love is a privileged state of mind. Love is timeless. Love is the Supreme force behind all creation and creativity. Love is Divine.
Myra -
Thanks for the comment and the applause, Awakendragonking84! Which book is that you're reading?
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wow, this was a new kind of poem! it kinda reminded me of a goddess thats featured in some books i read... great job!!!!
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Thanks, Laura. Your words are heartwarming. Thanks for the comment, and the applause!
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Thanks for the comment, and for the applause, Di. I'm glad you like it!
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Hi, a sweet dark way to go, like this a lot, it is sutle, great write my friend on to my favorites you go, hugs Di
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A fantastic flawless write, good rhythm & rhyme scheme. Excellent choice of words. I particularly like the 3rd stanza, your words hold such power. Thanks for sharing. La x
Edited on Aug 30, 5:13 because 'the dreaded typo'. -
Thanks for your applause, ASecretInYourThroat! The poem isn't actually based on a dream of mine, but it could have been. It's insipred by someone I know that constantly dreams of dying, and for that person, these dreams were a torment...
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Thanks, Thayla, for your warming words, and for your applause.
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Thanks, flame8! I appreciate your comment.
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Thanks for the comment and the applause, infinite spirit. I just wish my grammar was as good as my imagery.
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Thanks for the applause, Unknown89, but what did you mean with "so u can pass the other person with 12"?
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Thanks for the comment, the good luck wishes, and for the applause, DARK gothic QUEEN... I appreciate it!
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Thanks for the applause, SapphireDevine. I guess Death is the ultimate Femme Fatale.
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Hi, babe... What do you mean, flow without rhyming? The poem is based on rhyme! Anyway, thanks for the applause.
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this is so fuckin awesome! i like this peice alot! i love poems that are based in dreams...i find them more tormenting to read...but in a good way you understand! well have a nice day!
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Excellent, you have a poets soul Well written
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9,5/10 grunts
its a good poem that flows well. It has amazing imagery good job. -
this is amazing! absolutly breathtaking. the words seem so real, your imagery is flawless
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nice poem...ill applaud u so u can pass the other person with 12
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and good luck in the contest
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you have a lot of talent i loved this poem loved it for me it's different i like different anyway this is a veary good poem keep writing
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Gives new meaning to Fatal Attraction. Love it!
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Great
I think you have a lot of talent. I've always admired poems that can flow without rhyming. Really great work.
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look how it flows now, much better. lol we fixed eachothers poems.
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Adding reply to sunny day's IM here, since it's concerning the poem, and should settle the minds of those nagging about grammar. Yes, using "the feel" instead of "and feel", in the end of second line of second stanza, makes it a whole lot of better. Thanks!
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Yes, I used Death as described in Niel Gaiman's comic Sandman as model for my poem. She was friendly enough to stand act for me, but she said she would be back to collect the price later...
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So Breathtaking!!!
Bravo!!! Bravo!!! Bravo!!! Sounds to me like you are portraying death to be of the feminine gender. Her smile giving his life a new meaning, her kiss sucking away his life's breath. Taking him to the great beyond, gently and beautifully as only a woman could do... Hope I didn't sound too feminist there...LOL This was amazing and it took my breath away. Thank you for sharing such an excellent work with us. Best wishes in the contest with it, sounds like prize material to me. Joyce
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he sees, and he touches, and feelS*.
Her face is so ashen and livid, you need one more s lol -
Thanks, DarkenedDreams. The line you mention was the hardest to come up with, until I realized I could rhyme "know her", not just "her"... I appreciate the good-luck wishes!
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This is an anazing poem that you wrote... I REALLY liked it...... It had really good meaning behind it.... I liked the part..."her eyes would make the strongest man cower" that was the best line in the poemmm... good job... and good luck with this contest... I am wishing you the best of luck...
Forever Tiger
Edited on Aug 29, 7:39 because ''. -
Thanks, Maria. Nice that my poem is giving images in the readers minds, that usually means the words are magical. Seems a lot of my poems does that.
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This was really real!! I saw him lying in his bed and I saw him dreaming of beauty and death. I saw everything, very real poem and very well written, this meaning you bring up is deep and complicated but very well brought up, well done and good luck in the contest.
Maria -
Thanks for the comment, epitaph. I have recieved a similar comment before, that I'm missing some S'es, but then it doesn't rhyme. Poetic liberty! I appreciate it!
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this is a great poem! wonderful write. I love how with this contest you combined categories ....by doing so i think that you gave the poem an edge well done
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Thanks, orionis!
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Thanks, SufferingFool. I must say that this may be the darkest poem I've written so far, but I'm an all-round kind of poet, and will write any style, depending on my mood...
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Thanks, ciuc! The dream/reality-concept is the very heart of the poem; I wanted to write something that blurred the line between life and death. Someone once said to me that you die a little every time you sleep, so that's what gave me the idea...
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Wow! What a breathtaking and dark poem. It is really well-written, really deep and the flow is breathtaking. The amount of description you have used shows your talent and paints the picture in my mind. This is a wonderful, amazing piece of work! My favourite part was:
His dream is so strange and so vivid,
he sees, and he touch, and he feel.
Her face is so ashen and livid,
he knows that this dream is for real.
Just made me shiver. Thank you so much for sharing this poem with us! -
Nice work, trully inspirational. You know, this made me think of something: if we would dedicate Death a minute of thinking everyday, life would have more value than we think it has. This was a masterpiece. I love the dream-reality concept (that is if you planned to make it that way). It's funny how Death can give kisses , hugs, and take all at the end in your poem. The structure was good, I don't know why people don't appriciate the modified words to make a rhyme. Anyway, good luck further
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Thanks, Kitty! I appreciate your words!
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Thanks, lencio, your comment is heartwarming. I hope my poem gets on the winners-list, but I guess twice in a row would be too much to hope for.
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Wow. This is absolutely amazing. Very deep. Keep up the greaat work and i hope you do well in the contest because this piece deserves it!
One love,
Kitty -
Good analyze of my poem, buffy, you've nailed down almost perfect what I tried to say with it. My opinion is that when you dream, your soul travels, and if you die in your dream, you can die in real life...
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Hi,
this is really wonderful. I like your imagery and the dream you have portrayed here is just an amazing way of expressing your thoughts. It is a very beautiful piece and worthy of being in the winners list
Love and light,
Lencio -
Thanks, IamtheDragon. It's enough that you like it, you don't have to know why.
Edited on Aug 29, 5:53 because 'Small typo...'. -
And he wakes as he sleeps and sleeps as he
Its a clever write of illusion and delusion.Awake and asleep your mind id on another plane.Good imagery and the embrace is either warm or fatal.Good contrasts in feelings which give poem an ethereal quality.Her name is as countless as stars seems to suggest the encopassing power of woman. -
Brilliant
Beautifull and strong I just love this can't say what it cause i dont know i just do
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Thanks for the comment! Loved the quote(?) that "death is another phase of living". Where is it from, or is it a rosebud original?
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Thanks for the comment, cc!
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Thanks for the input, Ave Noire. I tried something like what you suggest, but then you have to consider the rhyme feel/real. If I add an S, it will break the rhyme. Take it as poets liberty.
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well, DEATH is another phase of "LIVING".... I liked the theme very much...and I agree with Ava Noire...congratulation...
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i read it with the sublimmanls also but then spelling is'nt my forte' its a good read otherwise
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he sees, and he touch, and he feel
That line doesn't seem correct. Perhaps it should be "he sees, and he touches, and he feels."
That is how I read it at first then I stumbled when I realized it was not written that way.
For the most part the rhymes were pretty solid and the flow was smooth. It didn't seem forced and I liked the topic.
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