You have been a God, double
thumbs have made your waist
a measurement;
your collarbone an altar
in the enclaves, you lured
a piano. Every night there
was the spiral staircase,
false initials for the tourist
and his long haired cabinets-
ribbon boned, little wristed,
it was never much
of a battle, Eve had surrendered
in advance. Someone still might
write a song about those obscure
circles you brushstroke around
your eyelids, hoping to be frail
or alone but meanwhile;
bare legs glisten, they have
arranged marriage-
now the snow
is like cellulite and somewhere
a fox is scrubbing out its tracks.
Author notes
” she said I’m tired of the war,
I want the kind of work i had before.
A wedding dress or something white
to wear
upon my swollen appetite.”
( From “Joan of Arc” by Leonard Cohen)
” But who among them really wants
just to kiss you?”
(From “Sad Eyed Lady of the Lowlands” by Bob Dylan”)
Laura is a woman in a Bright Eyes song. She is the basis for my concept of femininity, she is anorexic and fragile and some days the wind blows her away.
Written August 27th, 2005
What did you think
Comments
1 - 21 of 21
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I wanted to read this.
See I just missed you. Hope you are doing well.
Lisa -
This is an interesting write good job.
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I love your poems.
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*bows*
im never here. gone enough for my comments to be unuseful and very late. but my god. you make me remember where the poetic part of myself lies. when i read you, i ache, and then i think, oh there it is. i'd almost forgotten. it's amazing. it's alive and rich with all the things impossible to speak of. blah blah. i suck. well, you know you're amazing. -
This is one of the most beautiful poems I have ever read. I am so awed that I don't know what to say except pure genius and lovely.
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Very nice piece. -Al
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It was the first line that pulled me in - "You have been a God" - because I have a piece that starts with "I have looked at her as Christ". Kind of follows the same concept - the false sorrow and heartbreak, the fraility. (Is that a word?)
It's always a wonder to read something of yours - you've got a true talent. -
Hmm... very nice. It's unique, and really painted an image. Very nice poetic language. Keep it up, okay?
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To Laura
by Petrarch
I saw the tracks of angels in the earth,
The beauty of heaven walking by itself on the
world.
Joke or sorrow now, it seems a dream
Shadow, or smoke.
I saw a kind of rain that made the sun ashamed,
And heard her, speaking sad words, make
mountains
Shift, the rivers stop.
Love, wisdom, valor, pity, pain,
Made better harmony with weeping
Than any other likely to be heard in the world.
And the air and the wind were so filled with this
deep music.
No single leaf moved on its still branch.
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Don't hate it.. it makes me sad to think that. Because I lover her already. More Laura.
Dylan makes me get a lump in my throat and/or cry. I hate it. I feel ridiculous.
Yes. What Esther said.. don't stop, writing. It almost hurts me to come back and read this. It evokes...you have a beautiful mind. Thanks for sharing.
Lisa
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You're so beautiful and it seems like forever since I have seen you or spoken to you. I was thinking about you, and found myself exactly where I had left off. I just wanted to say hi, and that I missed you. I moved again, I'm trying to make myself at home. If there is such a thing anymore....
All the love in the world.
-mandy- -
I read this a week ago, printed it off and have read it about a million times since then. There are surprisingly few ‘good’ poets on here, I think, considering the membership numbers (and I know, it’s all a matter of taste, everyone has their own personal style, etc etc. But you know good when you read it)…not only are you one of the genuinely talented writers, I think you have that something, that indefinable self-shoving quality where it seems both like you’ve really pushed yourself to achieve a particular piece, and also that it’s effortless. This is absolutely, utterly beautiful. Really, really beautiful. It’s all fragile feeling and breakable and delicate as glass, there’s this real quietness about it. The phrasing is faultless – I particularly liked the lines ‘double thumbs have made your waist a measurement’, ‘your collarbone an altar in the enclaves’ and ‘ribbon boned, little wristed’, and then of course those gorgeous closing lines which are so tangible and simple and visual. A couple of people have commented on certain Plath-like similarities which I can definitely appreciate (it’s something to do with the precision, I think, that cut-glass clarity) but I also think there are elements of Ted Hughes in there – you’ve got that sort of raw, natural thing as well, particularly in that line about the fox scrubbing out its tracks, it reminded me of a line from one of his poems which I can only half-recall. Not that either of these other ‘voices’ detracts from your own, of course – beautiful, beautiful, and thrice beautiful. Bookmark and applause for you.
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Purty damn fine writing strawberrynadir (nice name). If I like something I say so, and leave it at that. Quite enjoyed.
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penetrating
You have painted quite the picture of frailty, fragility....the altars imagery with ribbon bones - weakness and tininess of more than body, but spirit fractured and exhausted. Powerful piece, so good to read something fresh! -
Hi.
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This is just absolutely stunning. To be honest I think I read this fifteen minutes ago. This literally left me speechless. Ava Noire's right about the Plathish aspect. The format and some of the particular metaphors and word choices reminded me of her. The whole of this is brilliant. I don't really know what to say ... except that I'm oh so jealous. Geesh this is good
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This reminded me of Plath. Just bits and pieces here and there, while still maintaining your own style.
Loved the details and the emotion behind it all.
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wow,
leonard cohen, bob dylan, and bright eyes. wow, this is absolutely brilliant music all of it.
I wrote a song about padraic once. I figured since he was a fictional character that conor made up he was fair game. but about your poem. brilliant. simply brilliant -
Wow. This is so beautiful. Amazing structure, all long and thin and well yes just right really. Really beautiful imagery.
your collarbone an altar
in the enclaves, you lured
a piano
yey. -
because it's the ones with the sorest throats, Laura, who have done the most singing.
You get all the metaphors and body of Laura so right. Kind of melancholy, bleary-feeling, but maybe I just get that because it's raining right now.
I don't really know what to say.
Of course it's stunning.
Phoebe -
Laura Laurent.
I loved that line that went kind of like... you should never be embarrassed by your trouble with living...I found it profound.
The same kind of profundity I find in this poem. It's a stunner Amaris, you have an incredible talent. I know I'm always gushing like that, but I speak the truth, I promise.
I applaud a million times over, you do seemed to have captured the stuggle it is to be female. All with some metaphors that kicked me in the face. It was brutal and soft in a million different contradictory ways. You rock my poetic socks, girlfriend.
How's university? How's life? Try to remember to post more often.
La La La La La La La La La Lah...
loved.
Grazia
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