rest my weary head upon your shoulder
we'll cry for the world, how we're all getting older
purity and tenderness are gone and missed
trapped like a lullaby in a child's fist
once a moment suspended in innocent play
her devil-may-care now seems so cliche
little girl laughs in a world full of light
I can't let go of her, angel in white
but time marches onward and youth stays behind
and the little girl plays in the back of my mind
as I throw back my head and sound out my cry
I love you, I love you, I love you, goodbye
Author notes
Just a thought.
Critique to death.
Written August 26th, 2005
What did you think
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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yes, fantastic little poem. it's flow is so natural and it's sentiment utterly complete.. puncutation may be something to consider in the future. this write in particular is not hindered by it's absence, though. keep it up.
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great
This is a wonderful poem. I wish i had your talent and you are half my age. Wow. Really good read. keeep it up. It is good you like to read so much because you will be smarter and your nerves will be easier to apease. anyways keep up the good work and keep on writing. this was great. -
Nice one. I really like the use of words in this piece. "purity and tenderness are gone and missed
trapped like a lullaby in a child's fist" those lines definately had the most impact throughout the write. Very good write.
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Fine story telling and good beat to this write.Well done all around great poem.~~Suseann
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Loved the lullaby simile, as did everyone, apparently! As beautiful a phrase and image as i've ever had the pleasure of reading! A beautiful poem!
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Very powerful, the rhyming was especially well done and flowed effortlessly. I also liked the comparison to a lullaby, it really brought to my attention how well and descriptively written this poem is. nods Keep it up!!
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You shou;d punctuate your poems. This was a really great write. I Loved your choice of words. Nice similie this-trapped like a lullaby in a child's fist
Also, I loved the first two lines-
rest my weary head upon your shoulder
we'll cry for the world, how we're all getting older
Nice Rhyming! Great Job! -
Beautiful
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Agreed with grannyeri, that line was awesome.
I loved your choice of words, the rhyming was not forced, and the ending was just brill.
How do people write like this?!
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Great rhyming and meter. A wonderful poem. Trapped like a lullaby in a child's fist - awesome!
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WONDERFUL WORK!
INCREDIBLE
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