I've lost the joy that used to meet your smile,
And found without its light my life now feels
That I have squandered love; It takes a while
Before faith's misconception hurts as real.
In emptiness your voice leaves sounds untouched:
The tones and melodies of brighter days.
If I had only known I loved you this much,
I'd not have lost the sun for darker ways.
What secrets lie beneath an absent voice,
That fear would bar your music soft from me?
I can not bear this hurt, but have no choice:
The dream I dared not dream means such to me.
I can not see nor hear that which I know,
and blinded thus, I can not let love go.
Author notes
[Shakespearean Sonnet]
part 1 in a 4 part sonnet cycle
Written August 26th, 2005
In a list
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Comments
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Splendid
I so much enjoyed it!!!You must surely have a very special source of inspiration! -
If you are interested. This is the source inspiration sonnet #1 in a 4 sonnet cycle "This Dream of Love"
allpoetry.com/Poem/1497987
yes.. its all the same dream... -
very nicely done. it captures well the feelings of the heart at the critical point of a relationship. staying causes pain. leaving causes pain. redefinition is needed -- but what should it look like? it is quite distressing, which is why some people stay in bad situations for years, because the familiar (even a bad familiar) is preferable to the unfamiliar.
very nice rhyme and meter, sticking close to form. word choice was very good, with "faith's misconception" a very interesting construction.
keep writing!
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I was hoping to see a Shakespearean Sonnet.
This one is truly wonderfully written...I am at a loss for words. Brilliant job, I really have no words. Keep it up, thanks for sharing and best of luck in my contest.
&love
~Lana
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Beautiful yet sad
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very nice and well written. thanks for entering it. Good luck to you in the contest and best wishes always! ~Frog~
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very very nice thank your for sharing this
with us and entering the contest
love the Shakespearean Sonnet
FrozenTears -
Wow this was amaizing! It was deep and personal! It was powerful and deturmind!
This stood out ! It is an increddibale peice of work!
My favourite part was:
In emptiness your voice leaves sounds untouched;
The tones and memories of brighter days.
If I had only known I loved you this much,
I'd not have lost the light for darker ways.
Where secrets hide beneath a stoic voice,
The fear which bars your music soft from me,
I can not bear this hurt, but have no choice;
The dream I dared not dream means such to me.
Almost the whole damn thing lol!
I love this piece!
Good luck in the contest
XxX
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I really enjoy this one. I like the last option better. But that's just my opinion. Good write, and definitely something real for many.
Toast -
magical
Beautifully written...I can relate in so many ways..I love it and i hope to read more of ur writing.. -
A poem that I could relate to .
A very nice poem that I'm sure that I could relate to and definitely others would be able to also.
keep on writing! -
I think I like your original ending, only because it leaves love open, as in not just one person, but to always have love in the emotion and not limited to one person. Great job.
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Food for Thought and Love!
If only sums i all up!And in hindsight we would have made braver,wiser choices but experiences are maturing an lead to love enduring.Like the questions raised in this poem for which here is no sure answer. -
Amazing. I know that I can relate and I'm sure other people out there can to. Keep on writing.
Blessed be,
Lefay -
I liked the ending that you have currently best very nice poem, its very interesting, and sad obviously, but i thik that quite a bit of emotion has gone into it, which always makes a poem better. This is a lovely write, and you've done well with the ryhming also. thank you for entering and good luck in my contest. xxx-xxx
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excellent!
very nice. especially the middle bit. thought provoking. well done! -
That was such a beautiful poem. This poem had meaning and feelings in it which made it an awesome poem. You think much when you write your poem, which means you have great passion when you write. Very good poem.
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Really davidz, your rhythm is awesome. You can really write well and this one is just another display of your amazing skills. I see, there had been some problems with Line 7. How about changing " I had" to "I'd".
Which one sounds better?
If I had only known you loved me this much,
or
If I'd only known you loved me this much,
I dunno....what do you think?
Good write, excellent wordings. -
this is excelent. your flow was almost flawless and the beautiful message touched right to the heart. yes you are wise that when you find a love so preciouse to not let it go. But if it should let you go then is the time to just heal for all things are not always meant to be and you never know what wonders and joys the future holds in its place thanks for sharing.
huggles
~Lena~
Edited on Aug 27, 2:28 because ''. -
I like that as well. Sometimes I've felt that if someone only knew the depths of my feelings there would be no way they couldn't feel the same. That line is great it shows someone finally realizing what it was they've lost.
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I changed line 7. I hope the new meaning is as worthwhile as the original. I could change it back, but I think this one may be deeper. (although no one may get it, because it is much more difficult to understand).
The 2 lines choices:
"If only I had known I loved you this much"
or
"If only I had known you loved this much"
the 2nd one says something about how strong the other persons love USED to be, and thus what was squandered. The first one imples the speaker didn't know he was in such love, which is partially true but also a an understatement. (and perhaps cliche) -
I agree david. I believe line 7 is the heart of the whole write. I love the meaning behind it and I think its absolutely beautiful. Its one of those that you really have to think as you read it. If you do it all comes together quite well. Very deep and although you said you wrote this rather quickly it seems to be very well thought out. Can't say that I know a whole lot about forms and sonnets and so forth, but I do know about emotional poetry. And this was very emotional.
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leahofmaria: you're right. I wrote this poem this afternoon in about 1 hour. I've not had time yet to revise it much, but I wanted to get it in so I can work on it.
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impressed
Wow. I have so much admiration for people can write a scrict form like a sonnet and end up with a coherent poem! You have. I would caution you on some of the phrasing that you use, though. Try to rearrange words and phrases for a more conversational sound, at times your phrasing is a little stiff. -
crazy emotions-i rele lik dis poem-much luv from me 2 u-
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line 7 contains an extra stressed sylable prior to "much". I'm trying to create a feeling of confusion and distress which the speaker feels. Ultimately that 1 line is truly the key line. The speaker sees what he would have done differently and could have done differently. Thanks for the compliments!
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You have a deeply romantic side and you encase it in such exquisite sonnet form. I think the tone changes with the 3rd stanza and that makes for a graceful turn. Line 7 felt a little off meter but that is a small complaint. Dark and lovely.
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