I want to see you lit by lightning
To watch it play across your skin
I want to see your shyest smile
Welcoming me in
I want to hear you whisper
Want your lips in prayer with mine
I want my fingers tangled in your hair
I want to feel our legs entwine
I want to crush you, palm to palm
I want my breath across your neck
I want to feel you shiver
My hands sliding down your back
I want for you to kiss me
Hard and long till I can't breathe
But most all, I want to know
If you've been wanting me
Author notes
This is a work in progress but i didn't want to lose it. I also wanted opinions of how it was so far. =)
Added a stanza, could be done. Not sure though.
Written August 25th, 2005
What did you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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How wonderfully sensual!!! Thank you for sharing and for entering this in the contest!
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I wouldn't switch any of the stanzas, they progress lovingly...I would, though, add another stanza at the beginning, perhaps a bit more innocent...as the stanzas seem to delve deeper (in order) in feeling. Just my thought, though. I do like the flow, the deepening of feelings as the write progresses...quite well done.
Bestest of wishes and all that other mushy, gushy stuff
~Meli~
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There's something lovely about the way this comes across, the description of the feelings, of the physical wants. I like it very much.
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Good so far. . .
I hate to disagree. . but well, I disagree. I like the way it is now and it progresses very well from stanza to stanza. The rhyme seems natural and not forced, which helps the flow wonderfully. I would love to read more of this. Keep it up! ~CD -
I'd switch S1 with S3.
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