by ~Gregg Rowe~
aspen umbrellas extend out of yews -
in yonder eve’s umber – echoes appear
angelic orchestras envelopes tears
when I dream, envision my final tomb --
yet through G-d’s cosmic darkened chambers rooms
my queer sphere is noticed by my peers,
internal light shines; my journey is clear
my heart -- I carry from my mother’s womb
yellowy ashes
unveil eve’s insidious
opportunity
my soul’s been born through my human birth
in death my temple wrapped in my AIDS pall
in eternity I awake in mirth
after I have shouted my life’s last squall
in signing my mortal remains to earth
I meet my common mother to us all
Author notes
Perfect vowel lines:
Lines 1, 2 and the haiku
Imperfect vowel lines Lines 3 and 14
This is as much as I can do with the requirments of the exercise without ruining the poem or unfocusing on its theme. The style of poetry is my own form that I created some time ago and am still practicing: An Italian Sonnet with a Haiku juxtaposed between the octave and sestet. To come up with all vowel lines is extremely difficult but I have managed to scrape together a few.
Gregorian Sonnaiku (How To Write This New Form—Learning Column)
by lordoftherings
allpoetry.com/Column/1043872
(3) Spiritual: any-thing spiritual that gives hope. ( This I chose for my daughters boyfriend who lost his grandmother 2 days ago!)
Written August 25th, 2005
In a list
- Gregg's Golden Cups • next in list
- Gregorian Sonnaiku • next in list
- Course: Poetry and The ABC's • next in list
A contest entry
- Some-thing for every-one with many, many options!!! Take a gander! by debsdelight.
300 points, ended March 26, 2006, 12 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 20 of 20
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I am so honoured to have such an amazing poet enter my contest. Thank-you so much for sharing such beautiful inspiration. good luck in my contest. God Bless. Debs x
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Very interesting entry. The wording, expression is very creative and I like some of the key verses.
Thank you for entering.
Sedie -
BEAUTIFUL!!!
This is absolutely incredible. I simply don't know what to say here. I've never seen anything like this. So sad, yet so awe inspiring. The form is so unique; the theme and imagery so deep and profound.
But I'd like to know; who is this idiot, MyAlterEgo? What is wrong with some of these people? They love to leave their garbage on our pieces, yet don't have the intelligence to leave a constructive negative comment. They only leave the trash of what was most likely their bad day. Go look at his comments and you will see he most likely does this to everyone.
Lovely piece, My Friend. A most eloquent write. Good luck in the contest. Many blessings and
s.
~ Becky ~
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Gregg...congrats on a well deserved gold with this piece
Ruth -
Whenever I think about a form, I inevitably think of the form's creator. A question always arises in my mind as a result of this, which is, if someone creates a form, are they necessarily the one most capable of bringing out everything the form is capable of? A good example of this question would be Shakespeare, and many would simply say "yes." I would consider the point arguable, but that's not what this comment is about--the point I'm trying to make is, though I've not read too many of your Gregorian Sicilian Sonnaikus, I think it's evident that you are clearly the most qualified for delivering everything this new form is capable of producing. I admit I've not read much of your works lately, and I can only wonder why after reading this masterpiece of carefully crafted wordsmanship. Someone a few months ago (can't remember who) mentioned in a contest she held for you that you're an excellent sonnet writer, and this proves that beyond a shadow of a doubt; not that I doubted you then or now, but this has simply reinforced what I already knew.
As I read through this, I was afraid you'd use the CDE CDE rhyme scheme in the final sestet, and was glad to see you didn't; for whatever reason, I've never liked the CDE CDE rhyme scheme, probably because of the way they're used. It wouldn't surprise me if you've used it in poems past, but that's not really the point, as I'm commenting on this poem.
My only complaint (and this is a minor one, given how carefully this was put together and crafted) is of the lack of punctuation in the final sestet, but that's always been of personal taste for me; I imagine you have your reasons for not having used it. Thank you much for entering, and good luck. -
AWESOME
OMG I LOVE JUST LOOKING at this magnificent page, but GREAT job, attempting something I could never write...bravo. -
i loved your thoughts on death... very unique and interesting. you had some very beautiful metaphors, too. really gorgeous poem, thanks for sharing it.
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Speachless...
WOW I dont know how you did it.this is amazing!!! *jaw on ground* wow... wow... REALLY good work! -
nice write and good use of assonance and rhymn:
when I dream, envision my final tomb --
yet through G-d’s cosmic darkened chambers rooms
my queer sphere is noticed by my peers,
internal light shines; my journey is clear
my heart -- I carry from my mother’s womb
nice work -Al
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Takes my breath away hurts my heart in a gran
INCREDIBLE-- the layout, the form... yes I have never seen it beforE you are brilliant! As I started reading it I heard etheric orchestral music come up... never had that happen with a poem before... you are an Artistic Master in all forms I feel and there is so much direct evidence here...I am HONORED that I got to read this! wow!!!! -
Nice poem whats up G-d? -rob-
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The haiku is good, the rest....just ashes
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Annandhel: Yews are branches of green/brown trees with red berries connected to them, but as for everything else you have commented on in this poem, especially my metaphors is correct and thank you for grabbing that subtleness with my use of eve throughout the poem. My Biblical references are references in a generic/figurative sense and should not be read for the literal meaning from the Bible, although one will not be wrong to assume this because of my ambiguities in my poems! Gregg
Edited on Aug 26, 6:31 because ''. -
this is great, i hope you win.
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Not sure if you intended this, but I loved the biblical references. I'm not much of a spiritual person, but I think the the reference to "eve" in the second line really connects to the last line "common mother to us all." I'm still reading the poem to understand it's full meaning, but so far, it's awesome! I really love all the metaphors, all the references to death, (i might be wrong, but don't yews represent death, or sadness... or something to that effect?). Truly beautiful work, as is everything you write! I'm currently in a rut where nothing I write is worth crap, it's all terrible, but it really helps I think to read something as inspiring as this. This is great! Never give in, Annandhel.
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Snuggly Orange: I definately get you and to understand my more poetic side of poetry requires that you look at the body of my poetry since there are a lot of texts taken from other poems and put into a more complicated ideology in my Gregorian Sonaikus, a trick that I learned while studying poetry that the meaning goes deeper than just the words on the page and one must look at what encompasses the poet as a whole from their texts to the bios to the books they read. Gregg
Edited on Aug 25, 4:40 p.m. because ''. -
I love your new form. the way this piece was written makes it feel very powerful. You've dont' a wonderful job with this piece. ~calentice~
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Wow this is very personal i think. Its beautiful really, full of feeling, your thoughts/characters thoughts I guess. Much of this kind of thing (Erm, the more 'poetic' side of poetry) is competely above me, as this is, but even I can feel it here. Do you get me?? Sometimes, I dont make sense, lol...Very good.
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Nice, very nice; this is simple brilliant in my opinion, it really speaks to the poetic and artistic said of me. The imagery in here was simply wonderful, it was so full and rich you can just see,hear,smell,taste and feel the images you set up in this piece. Very nice work, keep it up!
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Yup this was good, I really liked the lines, how they were written was very nice!!!!
Maria
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