If your visions' rather blurry,
And your tailbone hurts like hell --
If you have a splitting headache,
While your back's a pain as well --
If each day passes faster,
And your routine seldom varies,
While you only see your friends
In that day's obituaries --
If you're feeling tired and weak,
Lackadaisical and glum --
If arthritis is a trial,
And your tastebuds have gone numb --
If you're living mostly in the past,
And you have to scratch for hope --
If each day's chores seem tougher,
And it's getting hard to cope --
If you can't climb a staircase
Without a loss of wind --
Then there's no doubt about it:
You're getting old, my friend.
Author notes
This is a parody of Rudyard Kipling's "If" found here:
http://oldpoetry.com/opoem/2940-Rudyard-Kipling-If----
Written October 13th, 1995
A contest entry
- ....prewrites now allowed (I want it all) by IamRemy.
550 points, ended October 2, 2008, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 36 of 36
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hahaha!!... nicely done with a bit of humor.
Best wishes and good luck,
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hahahahaha - awesome
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This also reminds me a bit of Dr. Seuss's "You're Only Old Once".
I loved it, and got a great laugh. I don’t think I’m quite to this point, but it’s not far off...and I’m not even 40 yet!!! 
It’s sure a good thing to be able to laugh about age though. 
Thanks so much for your entry, and good luck in the contest!
Best wishes,
~J.
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This is such a funny true poem!!! I'm living proof! Thanks so much for posting this. The imagery is awesome.
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Nice. I liked this. Great poem chosen and nice interpretation! Thank you for taking the time to enter! Excellent work and the best of luck in my contest!
-Steve- -
This is great!
I had a hard time with this contest...all entries were
good...some just hit home with me. Thanks for entering!
*PEACE*
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Oh, I'd be happy to go to Maui, but I can't afford to take vacations, so it's not likely to ever happen. I appreciate the offer though.
Thanks,
Jim Dunlap -
in awe
This is amazing, which I'm sure I don't have to tell you. I find myself smiling inspite of the somewhat sad nature of the poem--the style and word choice is almost playful--I like how the content and the format play off eachother. -
Oh. I liked it. It was very smooth, and the ending was superb. Thanks for commenting. I'll change the font- just for you.
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Hilarious!
Come to Maui! I was REALLY old when I moved there, and have, Merlin-esque, been going "backwards in time" and getting younger every day! (sigh) rollicking piece, adorable. You are certainly a professional!
Please, WHEN you come to Maui (tee hee) come join The Maui Live Poets and read some of your work! Feel free to e-mail me when you arrive, or even beforehand!
grady3singingeagles@yahoo.com
PS
Did finish The N'Orleans poem but didn't enter it in your contest because it's a little, uh, dark maybe. Didn't want to offend you figured it might have broken some or many of your rules (lol) but anyways if you'd like to read it, it's called MORE! Thank you for your time, and inspiring me to finish this!
Aloha oe,
3SE -
pain the old peoples friend
a spiral of life poem , as we get creaky and old , but then
theres a smile left , satire of the pains of getting to that
place called old .. -
HAHAHAH...this is a good one. I chuckled to myself...and you brightened my day.
LIZ -
LOL, how funny. Oh my aching back!!! (oops, did I say that out loud?
) Too cute. You really did well with this. I too, thank you for the giggles.
~Lyrical
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I had to come back and read this again just because it's so darn funny and it cracks me up. You really did a good job with this one. Thank you again for the giggles!
(`'•.¸(`'•.¸ ¤ ¸.•'´)¸.•'´)
~~~Touchof1der~~~
(, .•'(¸.•'´ ¤ `'•.¸)`'•.¸) -
as if I didn't already know it.
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I've been thinking I'd like to trade my body in on a new model for some time now. Trouble is, I really don't want to go the distance ... The dealer is out of this world. Says it's better for the time being to put in for repair.
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Lol... so that's what it is....and all this time I thought all those aches and pains were just temporary mis-information my body was giving me..... but old??...OLD!!!!! No, no, no, no...can't be...it's all propoganda started by that guy Rudyard Kipling who you seem to be so fond of mimiking
Seriously, this is a cute write...and I say, if the show fits......well.....
Good luck in the contest
Dee
Edited on Aug 25, 10:19 p.m. because ''. -
This is very well written! I loved it!
S~
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I'm only 18 and already have a few of those problems, should I be worried? haha. This was a good write, one of those rhyming ones that rhymes write. Take care and God bless.
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Hope you were thinking of me when you wrote this, lol. I would hate to think you are as decripid as I am. I really enjoy your bringing of tight verse inti humorous subjects. I laughed, I cryed. Great write my friend.
Rob -
You've been rhyming a lot lately, this is something different from you, it's fun to read and very tongue in cheek, I like it Jim, you are just full of surprises! good luck to you in the contest...
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HA! HA! HA!~~~~I loved this to pieces! Too Too FUNNY Mr..I'm in the group! Everyone of your talent's words apply! And here,I thought it was just me! Too cute.~~~Suseann
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hahahahaha..... Oh dear me, this is a tough message. Things are not really going better when you get older. Not really looking forward to all this.
Good to know though, that I am not the only one
Anna.
Edited on Aug 25, 12:38 because ''. -
LOL!!! Oh, friend...this is a sad, sad truth...I got a really good chuckle out of this one.
Peace, Kelly -
Your work is always a pleasure to read. The ironic flavor is tasty, as always! Dee
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I know, I know
I'm getting up there. The subtle humor in this worked nicely to give an all too true account of aging. Good rhythm to accent the piece.
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Nice one . Now where did I leave the zimmer frame. I sure I had it here earlier...
Edited on Aug 25, 6:40 because ''. -
I loved it. This was TOO good. Well done!
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Love every line every word every thought in every way Great work good luck in the contest
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Funnee
Hee Hee..That was a good one...I mean, your poem was awesome!!! Best of luck in the contest!!
KiKi
::Minutes later::
~Still roflmfao~ -
Nicely done. Though I couldn't speak of personal experience...lol getting old can be a pain...literally. Just ask my Grandma she complains every chance she gets. Anyway, good job here. Keep it up and good luck in your contest. Have a blessed night.
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Humor, rhyme, and a good form, make this piece well worth the read.
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Awesome
Very nice parody...excellent work my friend..it is full of deep thoughts..you did an amazing job again..great! -
Are you trying to tell me something???
I'll have you know those noises my joints make when I get up in the morning are nothing more than musical notes! Yeah! That's it! I have a very melodious form!
This had me cracking me up. Thanks for the giggles my friend!
♥ Kimberly -
Wow great topic. Very well written. Never would have guessed someone would write about this. I guess thats why it is so good. I love a unique piece, or something I can relate to. I can't relate to this but it definatly caught my attention. Great job.
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This was rather good.. Not at all boring like the title or the subject could have gone. You used this option very wise here. Great job!
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