I sat beside your bedside
My heart was crushed and sore
I did my best
To the end
Till I could no more
In my tears I watched you sinking
I watched you fade away
And even though my heart was breaking
I knew you could not stay
You left behind my aching heart
That loved you most sincere
I never shall and never will
Forget you daddy dear
Gone from my life your smiling face
your cheerful happy ways
The heart that won so many friends
in bygone happier days.
Author notes
This is a poem my mother wrote and asked me to put up as she would like some feed back on her first try at poetry.
Written August 24th, 2005
A contest entry
- PAY IT FORWARD....again by Thedragonisgone.
300 points, ended October 30, 2006, 59 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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A lovely sentiment for a passed loved one. These are difficult to critique because it's so hard to separate the emotion form the words as a work of poetry. i suppose I wanted it to go on a bit longer to describe the kind of man he was and how special he was to her. I enjoy short stories so perhaps that's where that's coming from and it seems like there is a lot of rich descriptives inherent in the story of her dad. Thanks so much for entering in the contest. This is right on tracck with the kinds of work I was looking for.
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I loved this as here are not many love poems about dads. It really touches my heart that she had such a great man that she loves so much in her life. Though he left our physical world she will see him again in heven...And that smileing face. Wonderful Job. And how sweet James that you share the joy of poetry with your mother. Very Sweet. Great Job Bravo
Edited on Nov 24, 7:14 because ''. -
I thank you very much for you beautiful words. I let her see your comment just then and you have know idea how much it means to her. My grandfather was a great man a world war 2 vet he will always be missed buy us and he is actualy the reason I began to write poetry again (alot of my war poems I got from storys he told me.) I gave my mum a big hug like you asked and I would personaly like to say thank.
Edited on Nov 21, 6:46 p.m. because ''. -
this is so simply lovely. your mother is very talented and it is very sweet of you to do this for her. give her a big hug for me!
~sammy -
Babe my heart ached when I read this cos I know u and ur mum, and what she wrote made me wanna cry (and u know I don't do that!). It was very personal which is what made it so powerful, my love to u both.
Edited on Oct 11, 7:59 p.m. because 're-thought it'. -
Pretty good for a first poem. It's obvious that this was wirtten from the heart, which often contributes a lot to good poetry, but it also has good academic qualities. The ryhme and meter were consistent throughout and didn't feel forced. However, this particular choice of ryhme and rythm has always been associated with humourous or children's poetry. That detracts from it somewhat, but at the same time it is interesting to read something different from the norm. The word choice in this poem is a bit on the simplistic side, as is the story told, so the the poem didn't strike me as being all that "profound", as others have put it, but it _is_ good that the diction fits the subject. Overall, a good write for a first timer. Keep writing!
-GenXPsalmist- -
that was a wonderful peice. i could really feel the emotions in it. your mother is a great writer
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wow it almost made me cry! I really like this! especially concidering I've been thinking about my daddy who passed away a couple years ago. this is so sad!
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This is a a profound piece of love. What a sadness as well that I can vividly view on the canavas. The mood is such of personal emtions. For you mom's first pen on poetry she has truly done well. Wish you and your Mom blessing, sorry for the loos of her dad and your grnadpa
Blessings
ICUlookn -
This is well written... it's truely emotional and sad tell her she did an exellent job... and condolences for the lost... ~~Tipp
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A very loving tribute your mom has written here. Poetry needs nothing but heart- and she shows it here
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For a first attempt this was really beautiful, tell your mum she has talent and encourage her to write more. Im am sorry for your loss. xxx QueenT ooo
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lovely tribute
This is such a lovely and poignant piece as I too know the pain of losing ones father
This was such a beautiful tribute as your love for him is truly conveyed
Blessed both of you were to have such a relationship.
Best wishes always
-G
Edited on Aug 25, 2:52 because ''.
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