Love is found; inside his heart; where her name is filled.
Tears are made; poured onto his cheeks,
In his mind; he can see her smile, and hear her laughter;
But to touch her is only -
In his dreams; where they're filled of hope; for sometime soon,
Awaking; he screams, with tear stained cheeks.
Early mornings; sunrise has still not come,
As the day slowly ends; he's suffocating in every room,
To sleep alone; it’s only tearing him apart inside;
A wish on every star is made; a prayer is said every night, just before bed.
“My Angel; allow me to hold her tight again,” For this is my only wish;
“God; the girl you have given me; my love, my soul mate. The love we share; is strong,
Our relationship is hard; I just ask of you, to help us through.
And to bless her each day goodnight,”
Everyday; he’ll be on her mind, hard as it maybe -
When he cannot be near; but she needs him there
His spirit will be;
As she begins to doubt almost everything about them -
When things are rough; and her tears begin to cry
He’ll whisper to her;
‘You’re my love; and even when things get tough we're more than okay'
While his spirit wipes each teardrop away;
For every goodbye is short;
Yet every dove will hold our love -
Strong enough, so you and I can say hello; sometime soon again.
Author notes
I love my baby Hollie; she has not recieved this peice yet. -Shh- she means the world to me, however; I enjoyed this peace myself I think its my favorite poem to Hollie
, I hope you enjoy it too
(This is a prewrite for your contest, I wrote this about the love I have for my gf of three years. Obviously I picked number 1) 
Written August 22nd, 2005
What did you think
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
-
It indeed is a brilliant piece and thank you so very much for sharing it.
God bless,
Love and light,
Lencio -
this is a very lovely poem i love every line its very touching God bless x x x
-
well written
This is amazing. So much emotion, and passion. I really enjoyed reading it! It kept me captivated, feeling what the man & woman were feeling. You did a wonderful job on this poem!
Krista -
To feel this way about someone and better yet to be able to express it so passionately in good taste is even better. I think if you take up some of the others on their suggestions, you'll be able to tighten this up a bit and make a good poem even better. She is sure to love this!!
-
Keep checking these twice. You get an applaud for that.
-
That is a very lovely and awesome! I'm sure Hollie would be very happy because you wrote it for her! It was great because you showed how much you loved her in that poem! Good luck.
-
I could certainly relate to the first half, for I am single and have similar laments. The latter half is sadder than being single. When you do have someone and they are away, it's rough.
Nicely down. You expressed love from a third party perspective. -
Amazing, heartfelt.
Very impressive. I usually prefer love poetry by females, but this one really catches the depth of feeling the way IT SHOULD for us dudes. Wonderful work. Hollie will be OVERJOYED!!!!!!! -
wow.. so much better than the title let on, just like the person before me said. So wonderful. It is reading things like this that make me believe poetry is still real. and I love the background
-
very good work on a hard subject to be origin
When I saw the title I thought: "uh-oh. A superficial sappy love poem".... HOW WRONG I WAS so much for pre-judgments, huh? I am SO GLAD I CAME TO IT!
I loved these lines a WHOLE BUNCH:
"Awaking; he screams, with tear stained cheeks.
Early mornings; sunrise has still not come,
As the day slowly ends; he's suffocating in every room,"
VERY ORIGINAL! The pacing is good, there is a tension throughout that is suddenly not RELEASED but GENTLY BREATHED OUT at the end.
Please keep writing, your gift for threading words on the strings of thought, jewels on a necklace, will surely inspire others
-
Lovely write and you are a sweety .
-
I think you've got the making of something very special here. You emotion comes through loud and clear, there is no doubt that this woman is your dream come true, and the sentiments expressed are deep and meaningful.
That being said, I do have a few questions and suggestions for you. First off, in the opening line, you use the word "filled" but my brain was expecting the word "filed"- is this intentional, or is it a spelling error? The other comment I have is that I found your use of semicolons a bit distracting- you might consider changing your line format and using this type of punctuation a bit more sparingly.
Thanks for sharing, overall it's a wonderful piece. -
Beautiful style
I think you could have refined it a bit more, but I still thought it was beautiful. I will never tire of love poems, the genuine ones, like this, are always fresh because every love is different. That was just a lovely poem. -
The first part is more about him, the second part is more about her, and what he can do for her, a good mix in this poem. Enjoyed reading it.
-
This is a very nice poem. I think that your girl will like it. Later on, though, if you wanted to do a revision, I have a couple suggestions: most of all, take a look at your punctuation. Correct puncuation certainly isn't necessary (I'm free with punctuation myself), but it can help to clarify the meaning. Also, you seem to do a lot of telling, as opposed to showing, what you're talking about. Take some of your ideas and condsider: what is is like? how does it feel? how does it look/smell/sound/etc.? Use you imagination and think of some unique ways to express yourself. But overall, your sentiment is genuine, and that's also important.
-
Ah, you probably know the old saying 'We must grab on to what we cherish most'. In this poem you accomplish that. You grab on the the aspirations and dreams of reuniting. You grab on to that one thing that keeps you going. Yes, good poem.
-
Beautiful affirmations pen stroked in this poetry it is so wonderful to read warms the heart and refreshes the soul you use such tenderness in this one. Like wings of doves this is so light and beautiful. Flows so natural!
"Love is found; inside his heart; where her name is filled.
Tears are made; poured onto his cheeks,
In his mind; he can see her smile, and hear her laughter;
But to touch her is only -
In his dreams; where they're filled of hope; for sometime soon,
Awaking; he screams, with tear stained cheeks."
My favorite was these lines. -
Well, this is beautifully written and very romantic. I gushed a little. Any chick would go ga-ga over this. Hollie is very lucky.
I logged on and was so surprised to see an applaud from you. Thank god you replyed to it the fashion you did or I would still be going under misconceptions. You don't need to prove anything to me, you're a very accomplished artist and your trophys show it. I really apprecaite the comment. You don't know how bad there needs to be more guys like you in the world! thanks again, and lol I guess I wanted to say thanks for growing up could you please teach your ways to a.ss hole guys? lol
-Cassie
Edited on Aug 24, 10:41 because ''.
Adding your comment:
1 - 18 of 18
5 old applause
