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*LITTLE MISS PROMISCUOUS
a lovely fairy story
by
lovely
Edna Sweetlove
Little Miss Promiscuous surfaced. She reached out as usual for her bedside clock to check the time. She scrabbled about on the bedside table in the semi-darkness but without any success. How strange. And then she remembered.
She opened her eyes slightly anxiously and refreshed her memory by taking in her unfamiliar surroundings. The room was quite small and it was rather shabby. The wallpaper was ugly and the curtains were made of some cheap diaphanous floral patterned material. They were unlined and so the dim morning light filtered through them. To the left of the bed, a door with a frosted glass panel led to the bathroom. The door was slightly ajar.
A glance towards the other side of the bed confirmed her drowsy recollections of last night. A large black man was sleeping silently there. Little Miss Promiscuous racked her brains to try and recall his name. She remembered where she had met him, she remembered agreeing to go home with him, she remembered what they had done in bed. Six times. But, for the life of her, she simply couldn't remember his fucking name.
She called out softly, 'Tommy, Tommy,' and, sure enough, the head of her very best friend, Little Miss Peeping Tomasina, appeared round the bathroom door. Little Miss Promiscuous and Little Miss Peeping Tomasina always went everywhere together.
'What is it, Prommy?' said Little Miss Peeping Tomasina. 'Are you going to do it again with the black guy? I'm ready.'
'No, no, he's sleeping. But,' she lowered her voice so as not to wake her bed partner, 'what's his fucking name? Can you remember?'
'His name? Erm, let me think.....oh shit.....wait...isn't it Mr Bigknob?'
Of course. Now she remembered how impressed she had been when he had waltzed over to her at the party and asked her for a fuck. She had looked him up and said, 'And who are you?' And he had said, quick as a flash, 'Ivor Bigknob.' And yes, he had been totally Goddam truthful, hung like a giant rhino.
Little Miss Promiscuous padded over to the bathroom and had a pee, closely observed by Little Miss Peeping Tomasina, who grumbled a bit about having to relinquish her seat to her friend.
'Have you seen enough, Tommy?' asked Little Miss Promiscuous.
'I suppose so. But I wouldn't say no to your waking him up for a goodbye quickie.'
'Oh fuck that, I can't be bothered, he wasn't up to scratch, surely you could see that. Size isn't everything. Come on, let's split.'
So naked Little Miss Promiscuous crept back into the bedroom, retrieved her clothes from the floor and quickly dressed in the bathroom, observed dispassionately by Little Miss Peeping Tomasina. Before they sneaked out of Mr Bigknob's flat, Little Miss Peeping Tomasina simply could not resist lifting up the bedclothes to have a last look at Mr Bigknob's big knob. It was really very big indeed, even when dormant.
'It's nearly nine o'clock,' observed Little Miss Promiscuous, 'the S & V will be open for breakfast in a few moments. Fancy going?'
And so they caught a cruising taxi to their very favourite haunt, the Swingers and Voyeurs Club, for a well-earned breakfast.
'I do hope Mr Flasher will drop in to the club today,' said Little Miss Peeping Tomasina, wisely strapping on her seatbelt, as their taxi driver, the dashing Mr Reckless, rammed his foot to the floorboards and the cab tore down the street like a proverbial bat out of Hell.
'Fuck Mr Flasher,' said Little Miss Promiscuous, 'I'm more interested in that Mr Long-Foreskin whose VD should be cured by now.'
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Author notes
In a similar vein: MR HORNY! Go to www.allpoetry.com/poem/1337494 .
Written on 22nd August, 2005.
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Comments
1 - 45 of 45
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*laughing* I love their names! You've got a positively wicked sense of humor. That, and even though this was hilarious, you brought up a great point: size isn't everything. Too true.
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Another instantly arousing laugh, Sweet Edna. I do enjoy your writes very much so.
-Ashley -
i love your writing, it is truly arousing. i especially liked this one. congrats!
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Again you have written a very good story, I really enjoyed reading this it was a little humorous and different from the usual. Thank you for entering and sharing this great story.
*Ktulu Blackwolfe* -
lmao this is different, funny....i love it!
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awesome
this was really a very dreamy piece. the names and animals were an added bonus. Keep it up loved it!! -
B-E-A-UTI-FUL i love it keep it up
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I was, in a sense, gratified to have been disqualified from a previous contest by someone who was apparently a little prudish. I am sad she has decided to delete her censorious comment, as I like those best. I am pleased you liked the story. Have you sampled my "Mr Horny" tale (ref link: www.allpoetry.com/poem/1337494 ) - you might find it's your cup of aphrodisiac.
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OMG I am falling out of the chair here all, first Patty DQ'ED you and then you go and get a billion applauds. You would have to understand the type that Patty is. She is a nice sweet person and things like this don't rock her world.
Now for the rest of us twisted souls who have woken up going oh shit, let me naw my arm off to get away from this fellow,
we sadly can understand and will admit hey I drank a LOT..
You Edna always leave me sadistically laughing going the world can't take this... But damn it amuses the hell out of me
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interesting fairy tale, i think it is a good thing i didnt grow up with one such as this.i thought it was very funny and i loved all the names,espesially Ivor Bigknob.
great job and sorry it got disquelified -
BRAVO
i have to laugh the story was great and made me laugh im sure we have all thought shit whats his name! or is that just me lol!!! the comments are quite amusing too! loli have had that before as well people just putting that its obscene to write such stuff on the site! (lol nowt wrong with writing about a vibrator!!) This was really good and i for one will be going to read mr horny asap keep writing anything that inspires a reaction be it positive or negaitive is excellant -
Not that I've been following what's going on but this was really a screamer - had to pass it around the office and share with my coworkers. Very grateful for the laugh.
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It was quite humourous, even just the names were funny in themselves. Not that I would liken it to a fairy tale, but it does deserve merit for being written. Got a good laugh of of it anyway.
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I am now going to go and read your Mr Horny story. It's a pity you were disqualified, but your efforts were not in vain. Your poem inspired buffytheparrotslaye on Sep 18 to produce the wonderful poetry in its own right which appears in the comment (supra).
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Wow, some people need to get the dead animals removed from their asses. Clearly this story was meant to be humorous, the obscenity just makes it all the more so. Well, I want you to know that I enjoyed it, I thought it was pretty funny. Whoever disqualified this - why don't you get a life, and learn to laugh a little? A little cussing never hurt anybody.
I'll give you a bunch of applause points just to piss off patty. -
loved this...witty and sexy...good job..keep them cummin..
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Wonderful
A lovely fairy story, a winner by far... Maybe you need to introduce more frogs and dragons and swords and whips, and, 'oh my god where am I going here'. Sorry good write, keep it up.. -
Dear Cobalt Blue....
What does "what kind of foundation" mean? And how could anyone follow a foundation? I am sorry but I cannot connect with your comment in any shape or form and I found it to be rather childlike.
Edited on Sep 22, 7:15 because ''. -
Rather child like
I am sorry but I found this to be rather child like and did not connect with it in any way shape or form. What type of foundation are you following when feeling the need to write something such as this? -
Your tongue is always welcome chez moi.
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You've been robbed Edna!
This was pure brilliance and an excellent parody of the not always so innocent fairy tale.
Having been placed in all the right categories, away from the eyes of minors (unless of course they lied about their age, which is not down to you, but the powers that be here) I see absolutely no reason for it to be disqualified from this contest
Pitymindedness like this makes me realise why I spend less and less time on this site these days.
You deserved gold, have a big wet sloppy kiss with lots of tongues from me instead
Kat xxx -
Once Upon a Time
Little Miss.Prissy banned the story which contained no profanity but glamour and vanity.The two Queens in the story emerged with glory and the fairy tale ended as all do in the arms of a Fairy,a Mr.Peter.Pan. who had stopped by the Club in his horse drawn van.They all went in till the clock struck twelve when Mr.Hunchkin turned into a nasty smelly Pumpkin and spoiled the bloody fun.They all climbed in to Mr.Roaches coach and headed for the next dive where they all "hung"loose till five.Slept for two hours and reported for work half stoned.And not one of them lived uhhappily ever after. -
Clearly some people were standing in the back row when the sense of humour pills got handed out. Pleased you liked it. Please try my "Mr Horny" story in the same vein..... allpoetry.com/poem/1337494
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nice job! I really liked this piece. Its really intresting to read this piece. Well the title of this piece brought me by intrest ... keep it up dear
Aww
sorry to hear about being disqualified from the contest
Take care
~ Steph ~
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There is no "profanity" in the story. You clearly do not know what the word means.
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DISQUALIFIED! Although I saw no rules against profanity, I am disqualifying your 'story' for over use of it.
This contest is being judged by a Moderator, because the host is not able to do so at this time. Patricia (Moderator) -
I like your descriptive technique. Your use of short sentences makes the details more pronounced. Last time I came across that, was in a detetice story. Works well if used properly, like it has been here. Well done ~ Osarkon
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lmao you like giving people odd names, no? lol, yesss I love your writing, keep it up! I keep finding the odd one here and there and reading it, now you're going on my favourites!
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Seeing I've got nearly 300 "poems" here on AP, you have some work ahead of you. I hope you enjoy some of them. Try "Mr Horny" [allpoetry.com/poem/1337494] for starters.
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I totally want to read more now...i hope you will consider writing more it was really good..the story flowed nicely..and it was funny and yet real to a point that there are people like that in this world. so i really enjoyed reading it and hope to read more sometime
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This was very funny, I didn't want it to end though, I want to read more about their adventures!! It got me wondering what my "Little Miss" name might be... hmm.. lol anyway I thought this was a really good write, but you knew I'd say that because I say that about all your work.. purely because all your work is brilliant... its not my fault! I wish you the best of luck in the contest,
xx Katie xx
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Part of why I like reading your shit is enjoying all these funny comments that pop up like sick flies in this pile of dung that you wrote. And because so many of these suckers swarm around that the buzzing is starting to hurt my ears, I could only conclude that your story is as sweet-smelling as a sweet-smelling rose. Or orchid, if you hate roses.
But, really, I don't get these people. What is wrong with them!? Truly, you bring out the filth with your DEEP, DEEP writing. It filters out the scum from words, it does.
(This review is a compliment, in case you were wondering. I think your story was great, it's got no grammar or spelling misdemeanors on my checklist. I hope you won't begrudge my comparing you a tiny little bit to William Goldman...he'd be the "publicly-decent HEAD", while you're the "OTHER HEAD".)
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Dear sweet Edna....what can one say about this. Simplistic which aded to the effect of being able to see this. Maybe straightforward is a better way of putting it. To many people clutter up their work with useless words. This was funny and it also can serve as a warning. Never listen to a braggart they often leave out key elements. Brilliant Edna just brilliant!
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That was so freaking cool. Insanely brilliant, the best fairy tale I've ever read and I hate those damn things. I really don't know what to say, except I'm going to print it out and take it too work. That's how cool it was. good luck and I shall rather enjoy more works of art by you.
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You are blessed with a great way of telling a tale. Fairy tale though it may be. Imagery is wonderful, and the names are reminiscent of tales we heard as children. Not that they are the same, but they do tend to make you think of Peter Rabbit, or Little Bo Peep...LMAO! Thanks for the chuckle.
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Innocence Personified.
This is hilarious and a great bed side story for those of a certain age.All the characters have the cutest little names which seems to inflate their fairy tale image.And the concern for the man with the sexual transmitted disease is touching.Pity Mr.Bigknob wasnt quite up to the job,but that is often the way in the land of fairy tales.Will applause and promote this gem when points build up to thier climax. -
Not my style, but I did find humor in your story.
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"Interesting indeed" is indeed not so very interesting or illuminating. If you mean you loathed the bloody story why not say so?
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LOL..
This is.. interesting indeed.. -
v funny! kept me rivited anyway.
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LOL, a U-turn back to the bawdy origins of our fairy-tales! wahoo! this is hilarous and over-the-top!
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poo
Where is there a mention of transmitting diseases, dear? You should start taking the sense of humour pills, they are available from your local supermarket. Also you can get grammatical and spelling pills from the same place, 2 for 1.
Edited on Aug 27, 5:56 because ''. -
NO COMMENT ON THIS POEM NO VALUE IN POOR JUDGEMENT ,OF PUTTING IT ON A SITE AND MAKING JOKES OF A BAD SITUATION!
TRANSMITTED DISEASES IS NOT FUNNY !! -
lol, that was great, i loved it
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omg. that was fucking hilarious. i loved it
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