A mother left buried
how soon she was forgotten
its been years now
since shes had any visitors..
Over grown grass grows
where flowers should lay
weeds hath taken over
this forgotten mothers grave..
Twigs make her cross
above her head
vultures come to visit
rather then
family and friends..
Barbed wire fence
surrounds the grounds
thorns on rose bushes
are all to be found..
Head stones lay cracked
embedded in the ground
no fresh flowers delivered
not a soul has been around..
Her husband remarried
a new family he found
a wife left alone in
the cold musty ground..
A forgotten Mother layed to rest
never did she imagine
she would never have a guest..
May God Bless this Mother
as she lays to rest
thought she was loved by many
How soon they forget.
Author notes
I don't usally write dark poems..matter or fact this write is my first attempt on a dark write..
Written August 21st, 2005
In a list
A contest entry
- Give me emotion by LaLaLie.
360 points, ended April 14, 2007, 116 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Can You Write Dark Poetry??? Prove it! by sparkling-assassin.
345 points, ended October 13, 33 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - O.o Anything Goes o.O by vampireblood.
430 points, ended May 26, 2007, 76 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Dark poems by Stormy Days.
300 points, ended January 24, 2008, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Contest for many types of poems, Prewrites allowed. by Systems Malfunction.
500 points, ended January 30, 2008, 46 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Hi i want dark poetry by EternalWinter.
300 points, ended February 8, 2008, 13 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything Dark by satan-.
460 points, ended March 2, 2008, 75 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - poems with impact by know one.
380 points, ended March 6, 2008, 28 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Dark Contest by Angelic Princess21.
550 points, ended March 18, 2008, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Memories in the Wind by nuttynettles.
950 points, ended May 6, 2008, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - One hour to give me all your prewrites!! by LeilaJayne.
1000 points, ended June 1, 2008, 69 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Your best work (Quickie). by jocelynclaire.
300 points, ended June 9, 2008, 34 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - on the dark side ... prewrites ok by b497.
300 points, ended June 25, 2008, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Open up and give me emotion by Velvet Rose Petals.
1150 points, ended September 21, 2008, 53 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - RIP THA RUNWAY in Poetry! by Ephiphany.
4500 points, ended March 30, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I want dark, mysterious, painful, intrigue, give me your best, paint me your picture by skilter.
460 points, ended August 11, 36 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 86 of 86
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your first attempt on a dark write? well you landing this very well. nicely done and thank you for entering my contest1
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You did amazing. This was sad and had reality written all over it. These are feelings forgotten and taken for granted that you expressed. Well done.
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i like the last stanza. i make sure to visit all the graves fo family members at least once a year, and otherwise i just hope they are in a better place and still love me like i love them.. good write
rose -
Well this is an all too common and heart wrenching story...but not quite right for the contest in this form...too many details, so many it comes across a bit whiney. Strip it down to the bone, I think would give a more desolate tone. Maybe like this:
a mother buried,
forgotten
grass grows wild
where flowers should lay
head stone toppled
twigs for a cross,
none to comfort her
but starlings,
and the thorny rose
entwined in a barbed wire fence
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aww...so sad, brought tears to my eyes & i only read the first 5 lines & couldn't finish it because, it reminds me so much of my grandma. Thank-you
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uh.....this doesn't fit my description at all.....im sorry but it has nothing to do with what i wanted....ill let you slide.....other than that...amazing write!
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this is a very good write. i say the same thing about my daddys grave.. grass where flowers should be...
thanks for the write.
and best of luck to you
~Angelic Princess~
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awesome
very emotinal well written
thanks for entering -
Aww wow, this is so heartfelt. Really well written. Thanks for entering!
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very good i galde u decided to enter my contest
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this poem is great. you did a beautiful job writing this. I used to go visit my mother's grave, haven't done it in years. this poem mad me think about that. another point of view, which is always welcomed by me. thank you for reminding me that no one should be forgotten, whether they are still alive or passed away.
kathy
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wow! this is beautiful!
and absolutely amazing for being your first attempt at a dark write.
well done poet. this deserved the spotlight. ^^
Abby -
I am known to wander graveyards just to read headstones and take photos, yes morbid, but it is such a peaceful place... i hate to see all those uncared for stones... they were people who were loved once, long forgotten... beautiful write
Karen
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i loved it. it was a random search and your poem popped up. i love it. great write and the ending was perfect but the middle was amazing. return the favor.
~Dani~ -
this is a sad poem ....good attempt at dark.....it really just drop ur heart to read the way you describe that mother abandoned and lost and frogottewn in the grave ....it really touching....keep up writting dark....
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thanks for sharing
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Such a sad write. It's such a tragedy that some people have no one who honors them once they pass. For your first attempt at something darker, it's very powerful. >pixxie<
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I am guilty as charged! It may be sad, but it is true. And I had to come to terms with that fact. I felt guilty for years that I did not live even remotely close to where my parents both choose to spend their remaining years and ultimately be buried. I was finally made to realize that the body is only a vessel and we must shed it to set our souls free at the time of death. Because I can't make regular visits to their graves is neither here nor there. I carry what is important with me always. They are in my heart. Your poem is no less lovely in it's execution though. Symbolically, a run-down grave does show a certain lack of caring, because some deceased ARE simply forgotten... So, well done! You hit a nerve!
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This is very sad. My family is Italian, family is the most important thing to us. It amazes me that sometimes family members are simply forgotton.
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Awesome
I really liked it. Honestly I think the imagery is perfect. Nicw job. (: Very sad :S
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oooh...sad...
but very well done.
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This is brilliant... And since this is your first write of this kind, it's even more fascinating! I love it!
You are telling a sad story in such a beautiful way...
3rd stanza: "rather THAN"
Other than that, I have nothing to criticize.
Thanks so much for sharing this!
Keep up the excellent work!
Annie
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THIS IS SO BEAUTIFUL. WE ALL ARE GUILTY OF FORGETTING OUR LOVED ONES GRAVES AND ONE TIME OR ANOTHER LET US PRAY THAT THEIR MEMORIES ARE NOT FOGOTTEN ALSO. SHARONJ
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it is just a beautiful poem filled with emotions. very well written. it realy touched my heart and i am glad i read it.
all the best - sukhdarshan -
Excellent - dark - superb for your first try!
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God how true
And I am one of those guilty. Sad how some just forget. I am truly touched by this wreite
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Beautifully enchanting
That a soul may be lost
Not only from this realm
But from our memories.
How quickly we do forget
Those we once loved,
passing them by
For a new tragedy.
You have gift, my dear,
Whether you write dark
or light..
You will find that you bring others
to new understandings.
Beautiful.
What a blessed read.
-Danneh (Blessed be) -
this is so sad and true, Many before do move on and forget the ones they buried. but they may forget their graves but they will always be in there hearts.......well i hope they are
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For your first attempt at a dark write it was really good. It was so sad though as well. It's horrible to actually think that some are forgotten. Nicely done. Thanks for entering and best of luck to you in my contest.
~~~Vampy~~~ -
tasha
sorry ..i wasnt paying attention to who was holding the contest i entered...so sorry. -
for a first attempt on a dark write it was good..but i feel taht dark writes are pure emotion that come from experience and pain felt..but nontheless this was a great poem youve got talente keep writitng
xXTashaXx -
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tasha
thank you for commenting on my write..i didnt feel it fit the contest..yet i entered it .. its a dark write for me..so i kinda entered it !!..I understand ..its not what you was looking for...lots of fun with your contest. hugs honeydew. -
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hey umm this is not my contest I was just commenting on your poem because I came across it today but I think it was a good poem because it was written from experience and emotion but i guess it came out wrong anywho good luck in the contest
xXTashaXx
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It isn't as drak as it is sad. Good luck and thanks for entering.
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thanks...umm...this is a beautful dark write...though welll..anyways...i really like this one its very sad and it DOES happen...thank you for your entry.
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Good!
Score:
Subject:3.3
Rhyming:2.0 (Ground and sound too many times and uneven rhyming)
Flow:2.3
Total:7.6 -
Wow what to say this hit home for me so sad to say but my mother lies in a grave far away from where I live and I can not visit we have no family to speak of so I do not know if shes has a covered up grave or not this is so sad for me this morning and I can't believe I came across this poem on a Easter Morning someones saying something to me I have to make some calls its time for me to check things out !!!! I must have needed this read this Morning ....thanks really thank you for such a read...
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Great job on this one... I really liked it!!
Meagan -
Right now my eyes are filled with water. The best poetry is when you evoke emotions into another person just by them reading your poem. And thats exactly what you did, great piece.
p.s. thanks for your comments. -
crimson..thank you for your reply on my poem..this like I said is my very first dark write..I usally dont do these type..I'm sure you will find many entrys in your contest ..I have seen many layed to rest and forgotten about...good luck with your contest!!
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this is very good. i can kinda relate, my best friend died and no-one exccept me ever goes to her grave or anything. well written and a decent length too. thanks for entering
jess -
Very moving
Wow, this just made me want to cry...it so sad that she didn't get any visitors or respect to honor her life! This was written very well, i can see in this how compassionate you are...This was very moving! Such A great Write!*HUGZ* Thanks for entering! Good Luck
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I really liked your overall meaning on this one. it make me think.. good job! Good luck in the contest!
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this was an awesomly amazing write i love all of the emotion that was just packed into this write and the imagry is very enchanting keep up the awesome work and good luck in my contest
vampriy julianna -
her sweetness..thank you for your comment on my poem 'forgotten mother'. a dark write which I dont WRITE very often..thanks again
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wow that is powerful and true great write.
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grannyeri..so sorry ..no this is not a private [cemetary]..yet I too wish they could keep up with mantainance in all cemetarys..and my poem really hit a note of vividness..not to say all persons do not visit and I agree live to far away ..I understand that..this was my first write on what one calls dark poetry..so I made it sound cruesome for all to see the picture..believe me I have dad buried and a Son, and well there far away..basically I just wrote a sad ,dark ,poem..yet..I do believe there are many that are forgotten.not by miles but in heart..
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A very sad thought of a mother being buried but having no visitors. Many children moved away and do not get back to visit the gravesite, but that does not mean they do not think of her. Would be nice for the county, M.D., town etc. to look after these cemeteries and keep them looking nice though, unless this is a private site - you do not say.
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wblue rose02..first ..I thank you for reading and commenting..I dont usually write dark poetry..but I feel my words bring a vivid piture of a mother forgotten..no we dont all forget..but so many do..sad poems I write the best ..guess cause that is my life sad..if it were happy ..perhaps I could focus on happy things..anyways before I ramble ..thanks for your comment
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Very Touching Write
WOWWW this is very sad write and very heartfelt,I had tears and very hard to read on because I think of my Grandmother I haven't forgotten her but I don't go to see her grave anymore. I think of her everyday from the time I wake till the time I go to bed. The picture you have painted here is so vivid to these eyes. I so hope to read more from you and thank you for sharing this with my family and I.
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xperfectxmistakex..I agree this is very morbid..I dont usally write stuff like this,yet I wanted to pose a crimsume picture in ones mind of a forgotten mother..vultures,no visitors, an over grown forgotten place where a beloved mother should not be..I see many forgotten graves..not all mothers but in general..and i think its sad..well you asked for dark..glad you liked ..not the concept of the write but the dark side of the write..
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PS, this was a very dark and morbid poem, and even though you dont think you can write that sort of stuff, you certainly conquered your quest for dark poetry!! well done! no criticisms from me!
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Mother of god, this was so so sad!! I'm sitting here with a tear in my eye! Wow, this must have been very powerful in order to do that to me! it made me think of my mother, and how heartbreaking it would be if noone would never visit her when she passes away (i hope i still have loads of time left with her!) i could never believe that people could do this, but your poem seemed so REAL, thats the best part about it. I loved the stanza:
"Her husband remarried
a new family he found
a wife left alone in
the cold musty ground"
blimey, its so upsetting! im gonna go now! lol! x
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scary god mother..thank you for the applause..I like your sc name.. lol..spooky
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soul zero..thanks so much for commenting..I was hoping my write would set up a scene that each could picture in thier mind..so thank you..glad you liked..I dont usaly write dark poetry..thanks again
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thank you blaze for commenting..im not that great at dark writes..anyways this is what I thought of ..thanks again for commenting
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Enchantingly Beautiful
This is really Amazing. Freaking awesome write! -
great job here, This is a very beautiful and wonderful poem, one of this best I have read all week that was posted in the feature section. The imagery was strong and very vivid and the flow was smooth from start to finish. I love the emotion put into this piece it really lets the readers mind just kinda wonder and set up the scene in there mind. Excellent job"
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this is a beautifully written sad poem that touches with all the emotion written within it
love and l;ight
blaze -
Honeydew, This is a very sad and touching piece. It is just overwhelming to read, I can't imagine being that FORGOTTEN Mother. You did a great job. I want to thank you for your sweet comment on my poem, I appreciate every one I get. I want you to know that my heart and prayers are with you, I am so sorry for the loss of your husband. Please know you have a friend in me.......Doc
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Powerful!
Ouch! Too often, this is so true. You are such a compassionate soul, with an incredible loving heart! Wow! I read your bio., Honeydew, and I'm so sorry for your recent loss. Just know you're not alone, no not one little bit. I'm sending a hug your way and I hope you feel it. Love to you, Dear Heart.--Kel
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So Sad, but you know she will never be forgotten.She still lives on somewhere in her children and their children and her spirit is at peace with loved ones gone before.Graveyards are beautifully peaceful places, a place to rest, never alone, Ros
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ocerus...thank you for commenting..yet not sure what you mean..better fleshed out?? and the childish part??? please elaborate!!
Edited on Oct 16, 4:02 because ''. -
I lost my mom when I was ten. You almost got me crying here. It was a little childish at times, and sometimes things could have been better fleshed out, but man! I'm still tear-eyed. Good job!
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punk sense..thank you for commenting..I also like the second stanza best of all!! thanks again
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nellymichelle..I agree with you .some forget about mothers before they have passed..it's so true and so sad..thank you SO much for your comment
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Awww, this is beautiful. It captures something that one might not be aware of until one is a parent. The second stanza is my favorite....emotion extravaganza! Keep it like that...
Jen >_< -
frozen tears ..thank you for your comment..I appreciate it so much!!
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This is a very good poem and the feelings are shown very beautifully here.
A forgotten mother...a nice title you ahve chosen for this poem....I just can't imagine how some people can forget her mother after her death....some peopl even forget their mother when she is still alive.
This is what life has become in the modern age...
Wonderful write. -
Very wonderful and sad at the same time. Well written poem.
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OOh this was heart touching,
I think I also would leave some rose's
truly you have a wonderful heart and it shows
through these words,
makes one stop and think
Thank you for sharing this
TEars -
very nice
awww, this is one wonderful, wonderful poem...it has some very deep feelings, certainly, some great idea stnads behind it. I really liked the alliteration at the begining of the second stanza
Over grown grass grows
it just makes i even deeper and more meaningful, highlighting that long, long time that no one ever been there...this poem is full of some very nice imagery, i can perfectly visualize it
Twigs make her cross
above her head
vultures come to visit
rather then
family and friends..
very good poem, i really like it...and thank you for entering, and also for your comment on my poem
keep up the good work
S.C
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I THINK THAT I SHOULD GO AND CALL MY MOTHER! SERIOUSLY, IT MAKES ME FEEL A LITTLE GUILTY. ANY POEM THAT CAN GET THAT KIND OF EMOTION FROM ME HAS GOT TO BE GREAT!
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Its a nice idea and rather sad to think that people are forgotten but it does happen. the poem is well written and easy to follow and dominated by sadness and of course it flows well.
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Sadly but so many times to be true.You die and your just forgotten thats why I wrote my poem God Hears All and I did a mirral of an angel when he was dying from his cancer,because he said oh you'll forget about me in 1 or 2 months.So when I want to feel him I read that poem about him.Your poem expresses such sadness of being just another like no importance,I like your words they flow so easily.
Brandy3 -
Angel102..no mother should be forgotten..yet I do know of a few..its sad..my graveyard description in my poem was dramatized for the purpose of a sad, dark ,erie,write..my imaganation went a little wild
Edited on Sep 02, 10:01 p.m. because 'misspell'. -
No mother is ever forgotten they do so much
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iculookn..thank you for your wonderful comment!!
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Makes some of wonder why we do not visit loved ones in cemeteries more often. Thank you for reminding us.
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Profound Write!
What an admiral, piece! You most certainly have extended your pen to stroke the canvas with such a most vivid layering of your painted words. It just ooze out sadness and captures the mind to give thoughts of how could it be? This particular part of your write sincerely captures the moment of your poem's essence "Twigs make her cross
above her head
vultures come to visit
rather then
family and friends.." You have penned well!
Blessings
ICUlookn -
Melpomene--thank you for your comment and applaud..I appreciate it
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THANK YOU Miss Spunky for your applaud and comment..yes this is sad.. and often very true..thanks again
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This is really touching and extremely sad, to think a person, so important as a mother to be forgotton by her own family and friends, by her children of all people This is an excellent touching write, the structure is good and it flowed well! Keep up the good writting and pen well.
~Melpomene~ -
Awwwww this is so sad and what a way to look at this! I love the whole poem all the way through and the suspence kept me wanting to read more! Love the ending! Great jobon this poem! Sadly beautiflly written!
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LIGUID LULLABY-- YES IT SHOULD READ BARBED WIRE RATHER THEN BOBBED WIRE LOL..THANKS FOR THE TYPO MISTAKE..OFF TO CHANGE IT..
Edited on Aug 21, 10:55 p.m. because 'CAN'T SPELL'. -
Haha, you leave us in such suspense?!
I really liked the stanza:
"Over grown grass grows
where flowers should lay
weeds hath taken over
this forgotten mothers grave.."
That was a really impressive piece of poetry there...
One thing.. is it not supposed to be "barbed wire fence" rather then "bobbed wirte fence"?
Just checking, dunno if im going crazy or not..!
Great work on this, keep up the awesome poetry!
Love,
Katy
~*LiquidLullaby*~
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