Kidnapped by mother
I flew over the ocean
To an island; Where flowers
were worn and nights smelled
Of rushing water, and volcanoes
We ate on our knees
And I could see a black and white TV
While mother had her mouth
To the ear of some man
A helicopter view of another
Green canopied land,
and people lying about
with stains on their lips
dead children at their hips
And tent canvass blowing in
An artificial wind.
An old woman at my side said
"I knew Jim... So handsome and demanding
He said 'Jesus was High, but Judas was heavy...'
But he was both of 'em and the devil
... He never stopped sweating, and that's trouble"
I had no clue who she was, where I was
Or who Jim was, but I knew poi was disgusting,
and the moon and stars were not
To be the same for me again.
Author notes
Written August 21st, 2005
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"I knew Jim... So handsome and demanding
He said 'Jesus was High, but Judas was heavy...'
But he was both of 'em and the devil
... He never stopped sweating, and that's trouble"
What else needs be said...this was a haunting benediction to a truly crazed and maddening ending. Excellent in all aspects and delivered with the panache and poignant pen that only you know how to wield. -
Brilliantly painted scene of a surrealistic, yet truly sad image, imprinted on a young mind too stunned to grasp the full tragedy, while still feeling the depth of the horror....
Congrats on a well deserved win!! -
"The People's Temple" lead by Jim Jones! I just went through some articles relating to that chapter and it truly intrigued me.
This is a fantastic narration and made a very pleasurable read!
Thanks for entering!
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Very interesting,makes one think...I certainly liked it though.Great job!
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Outstanding..
Your pieces on life and (love) with your mother are always amazing, sad, poignant and filled with many layers...
Jeremi this is one of your best hun
~GILL~xxx
Edited on Aug 22, 5:38 because ''. -
"Kidnapped by mother" that's just brilliant, as is the line "dead children at their hips." Actually I thought "lap" but hip is harder to visualize, yet I think the message is the same, adults as vampire-like creatures with no regard for the life or innocence of children. "An artificial wind" makes me think of a Hollywood set, as opposed to a child's imagination, where I thought the "I" had flown to as a means of escapism. I find it interesting that we know more about the absent Jim than the "some man" the mother flirting with. Thanks for the read and good luck in the contest.
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Your voice is especially on target in this piece Jeremi. You create not only the scene but the sensations of the tropic, the horror of the scene and the impression on a small child. You set the scene so well I almost picture the setting to feel a bit like a cuba scene from the Godfather films.
I think as children we were all a bit overwhelmed by the tales of Jim Jones and his mass murder. You capture it well.
Mary -
So Beautiful!!!
What a lovely piece to read. It created wonderful images as I floated through. I felt as though I were being carried off to this magical island in a balloon, hovering above and seeing all. Thank you for sharing such a beautiful work with us.
Joyce
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.A life is a poem...
The description part of the thoughts is really a praisworthy work which is seen in this write. It is fantiastic explaination too. The crescendo is the beauty of this work which is developed through and through.Also the mystical approach about the content is enhancing the eagerness too. The flow of the write is very much impressive .I really appreciate this work.prabhudayal khattar -
This poem got me thinking a little. I liked the imagery and the kinda story line it tells. Keep it up!
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