Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

Frozen in Time

As the icy tear hits the floor,
it shatters, into fragments
of life.

Tainted, with lines
that separate-  
the crystal balls tale;

The story, the life,
or the existing
In day's where nothing matters,
like icicles clinging-

To a past.  

Author notes


Written August 20th, 2005

In a list

What did you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 11 of 11

  • Melissa Gayle gold member
    August 22, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Muddy, this is beyond brilliant. It grabs us into the icy shell, reliving and yet grasping at the slivered hope that remains embedded in crystal glances.


  • Frozentearz
    August 21, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Of course for me,
    the title had my attention
    I love writes on tears for me tears is the truest emotion in life..be happy or sad,

    This ending line
    The story, the life,
    or the existing
    In day's where nothing matters,
    like icicles clinging-

    To a past.

    Reminds me of my user name Frozentears..
    One FrozenTear left in time for a love that
    used to be mine..

    ( A younger day past)

    I loved this poem start to finish

    As the icy tear hits the floor,
    it shatters, into fragments
    of life.

    How true to life these lines
    Truly are..

    Blessings and best of luck in the contest
    Tears


  • Lyrical Soul silver member
    August 21, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    That first stanza was so vivid!!! The image of a frozen tear shattering was very clear in my mind. I was able to keep that image throughout and then the ending, the image of a icicles clinging to the past...what a creative metaphor to use here. Great job on this one Muddy and good luck in the contest.

    ~Lyrical


  • mysticshrooms
    August 20, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    nice, verry nice, i love the way you have worded everything, im speachless really, keep it up.


  • oneill
    August 20, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Now that was trully a cool reading. it cought my attention with the first line and that actully is hard to do with anything other then death poety, nice job.


  • Redstormy gold member
    August 20, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Wonderfully metaphorical write Muddy... I was just telling my husband about you tonight. He is a musician too. Love the brevity in this too.

    Red


  • Jamais Oublier
    August 20, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    that was truly amazing. i loved how well this was put together. i really enjoyed reading this. laters
    ~dust~

  • Rambler
    August 20, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Very well done. You encapsulated a whole world in this short, quick little write.


  • Amunet Wolfbane Moderators member
    August 20, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Ah, shutting out the pain or preserving the bliss before the sorrow in those icy tears? This is a hard hitter, again you made me sit up and say "hell yeah"! Bravo! I love it when you work my mind Blessings, Gypsy


  • Night Hope gold member
    August 20, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    'As the icy tear hits the floor,
    it shatters, into fragments
    of life...'

    BRAVO!!! Well done, Muddy...concise & intense...you are sooooo good at these, my Friend...yea, Scribe!!! Good luck in the contest... ♥ Wanderer


  • The mask of time
    August 20, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    I enjoyed this...just as the contest states...short and quick, but you created a sort of sweet illusion in a very nice way...good luck!
    ~Mask~

1 - 11 of 11