I think about what my father will leave me,
and what I might leave you
Random loose images of:
Sand, paper, cactus and song
Signs of light and solitude
And when I look into your eyes
I see myself, just smaller and darker.
But you are not there with me
Because you are a mirror
While I am the guide
As your hand grows inside of mine
I believe you will teach me, more -
- Than I will understand
Without having brought you here
To this place, between -
- The woman I love,
and these words I write.
Author notes
Written August 20th, 2005
In a list
What did you think
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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congratulations.the softer side of horus is such a phenonmenal thing to behold.your son will be great because he has a front row seat to greatness.no matter what,i maimtain that and reading this confirms it for me.
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This is very beautiful. I bet your child will love it.You are giving the greatest gift of all a gift of love. Job well done.
Loretta -
Okay B-
Good, Its not the best I've seen, but I think that there is some future for you, keep writing. -
very nicely penned. has so few lines but has a lot of emotion and meaning. great job with writing this.
was well worth the read. enjoyed.
Blu -
I see you won first place for this poem. I enjoy free verse, and this was a good one. The way you pondered over your thoughts fit the poem well.
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congratulations. It's simple, short and yet profound.
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I thought this was a very good write. I agree that it was a pleasure to read. Keep on writing.
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Very nice write, a pleasure to read. -Al
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I like the way this is written - for me, it has symbols of heaviness of heart even in the lighthearted. I don't know if that was your intent - but it was a very touching piece.
~Envy -
Thank you Kim...
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It's a great piece Horus. Just the right touch of each image with nothing overdone and softness carrying perfectly through each line.
Thank you for this one in the contest. Such writes are what makes it worth coming back to have these contests and find these thoughts have made their way to paper / voice.
Kim -
It's amazing as they grow to see so much of ourselves- good and bad in them. I like the three generational reference. - You really came through with a strong piece here.
M -
I was an idiot before I had kids, but I never really knew how much of an idiot I was, until I had them. Every day they teach me more, in a blink, than I learned in years of staring. I see them and I think who the hell am I to guide you - then I sit and I say to myself.. I hope.. you have worth in their eyes.. down the road..
~~Lisa/whims -
Oh, WOW !!!! Jeremi, this is so touching. It's a beautifully written legacy to your son and your love for him and his mother.
What more could a man leave to his loved ones than his truest of feelings, his love. They are by far the richest of riches.
A lovely and moving write
Good luck in the contest
Dee
Edited on Aug 21, 8:53 because ''. -
its a beautiful write filled with love for your son, your wife, your life and who you are .... a lovely feel to it .... paring down the you that you leave behind is a sweet modest touch that is the strength of the piece (for me) .... >>>> EM
Edited on Aug 20, 6:54 p.m. because 'pare/pair/pear (freud loves me)'. -
Nice write you have here. I love the brevity of this piece. You get straight to the point. Nice images.
Nice write.
~Dee
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