Quid Pro Quo

"Just sign right here, no obligation-
something for nothing for free.
Why do you still feel trepidation
at our money-back gaurantee?

We assure your satisfaction
-put your name here on the dotted line-
no cost to you for this transaction
all you have to do is sign.

Oh...That? just ignore it, it just says you agree
to the terms and conditions outlined.
-no, its fine, you dont have to read the policy-
its really just a waste of your time.

Now back to business. Dont have a pen? Here.
The quick process is safe and secure-
forget all your doubts, there is nothing to fear,
all we need now is your signature...."
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X:John Hancock

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..

(faster)
"Well, I must be going, it was a pleasure,
your free item will come in the mail.
As will thousands of offers from companies we share
your information with- every detail.

and as for the asterisk, next to the "free",
In modest print by no means large,
it merely specifies a few hidden fees,
for which your account will be charged.

shipping and handling,
activation fees,
taxes and interest rates,
payment for packadged accessories
add $20 if out of state.

Your paid subscription to Vogue will shortly arrive,
your mortgage quotes ($10 each) too,
though the rebate expired, im sure you'll survive-
Till your plasma screens payments are due."

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"Your life been screwed up?
Your credit been raped?
Your checkbook been in better shape?

Give us a call, we'll set things straight,
your credit will be just fine.
we'll write up the contract as you wait,
just sign on the dotted line....."