I watched your face in a cracked mirror
Putting on lipstick and purring
Things I don’t understand
And don’t care to
About how he touches you
Not really noticing the lines
Splitting up your face and
Breaking my smile
Into a frown
I sigh and look out the window
Knowing it’s a long way down
Author notes
Lameity lame lame. Yes, I know. It's not really all I wanted to say on this but the poem refused to be added to. A small part of a big problem. Lemme know what you think =)
Written August 17th, 2005
A contest entry
- Loves past by faggityann.
300 points, ended December 4, 2005, 19 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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interesting. sounds like you were in love with a friend. i loved your use of the mirror. ("About how he touches you/Not really noticing the lines")
i also like that you ended right before it got comfortable. like you know how sometimes people put ending lines to wrap up the poem, well you didn't do that, and i think it's a good sort of cliffhanger
anyhow
thanks for entering and good luck
Julie
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COMMENTS: okay this is what i found, let me know if i'm anywhere on the right track, i'm very bad at comprehending deep poetry. okay....
the cracked mirror represents something bad that has happened in your life, something that fogs your vision, makes it a little messed up, and your looking through your 'life' into a memory possibly, to a moment where, maybe this guy is ur ex or something, and he is with another girl.. and at that point you were okay with it, but now you're not? okay,and maybe those last lines mean.... that if you give up now, you will fall far? but, then again, that doesn't make sense with the other stuff that i said
idk, like i said i'm not very good at taking the meaning out of deep, personal poems such as this!
CRITIQUES: I didn't really find much to critique about, because i can't say that your message was confusing or off, because you found your own way to explain ur emotions, and even if your the only one that can understand it exactly, that's nothing that you should change to make others understand, because poetry from the heart should be written for you
Edited on Sep 17, 9:03 p.m. because 'forgot a tidbit'. -
this could be expanded on a little, but in this form it's not bad. i think a lot of people could relate to it (i can, anyway).
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I did get the feeling that this poem has not been fully realized but what you have is very good. The part about the lines (of the cracked mirror, I assume) breaking up you and the subject is very visual and poetic, even metaphorical. I'm not sure what advise to give to help you complete the picture (since this seems to be a pretty personal piece) but I guess my only suggestion would be to explore the visuals some more...Was that vague enough for you? Looking back now, I'm not even sure what I mean. Anyway, I like the poem a lot.
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interesting. different. not sure what its about..but enjoyed it nonetheless. good job.
Blu -
Definitely not lame. *poke* Loff yourself and your mad skillz. *nodnod*
Anyway, umm, wow. It may only be a small part of how you feel, but I think it says quite a bit. I think the poem didn't want to be added to because it's meant to be like this... maybe the other feelings can go into other writings, but this poem is exactly what it needs to be. It's a hard punch of reality in the face. That's probably what I like most about your writing- it always hits so hard. It's impossible to ignore. I think you should have a book of your poetry published one day and call it "Reality Cafe" after that statement you made once... because you do give out the checks.
But yeah, I think it's beautiful. And I love the title. -
This is not lame at all! I like it just how it is...I think that the length is a compliment to the poem, anything longer would have been repetitious. I love the ending....it just fits beautifuly. The flow is seamless.....great job!
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