I stood atop a weathered hill,
And cried, you have forsaken me!
And no answer stirred the graying branches,
of the softly dying tree
I knelt atop the weathered mount,
And wept, you have forgotten me!
And no breath stirred my lifeless heart,
come to set me free
I fell atop the weathered crest,
And whispered, do you hear me?
And the air was dead and calm and sick,
into eternity
Author notes
For the Contest: This is what I believe, that God has ceased to love me, or acknowledge me.
-EA
Written August 15th, 2005
What did you think
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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I really like this one. I especially like the last four lines.
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This was really good! I enjoyed reading this a lot. Your rhyming was good.
I love how in line four you described dying with 'softly'.
I have one suggestion, though. Your ending line doesn't really seem to fit. You should make it a bit longer.
Thank you for your entry.
Best of Luck!
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I liked this poem so much. How frustrating it is to call out for someone or something to deliver you and have no response. It was very well put. I really like it. It was short, but it said everything it needed to say. Great job!
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well done
i really like this poem thanx for sharing it with me and give and chance to see your work it was what i was looking for sorry i didnt get to judge it in time there were just so many to read xxx -
Good poem. I know where you are coming from. I was there at one point in my life. I went though a good couple of years thinking God hated me and wanted me dead. Great job in expressing those emotions and good luck in my contest.
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That is a depressing poem. It leaves one sad and empty. Reminds me of the song "I am I said" - "I am I said to no one there and no one heard at all not even the chair. I am I cried. I am said I and I am lost and I can't even say why. Leaving me lonely still..." Congrats on the gold.
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This was a wonderful poem. I know how you feel when you think that God has forsaken you and forgotten all about you. Just don't give up hope. He's just waiting for the right time to show you His plan.
Good luck in life.
Much love,
~Jen~ -
lol, much better, I can see it much clearer
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This is very good, and I know the same feeling. Now Im trying to be happy with God (make sense?), He does stuff for a reason. I was mad for so long, now that I have forgiven him, it feels as if life isnt so bad to me (heh) anymore.
Anything, this poem is fantastic, one of my favorites. -
Better?
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I have felt these feelings before. Hang in there. There is someone who cares, and loves you. I would have to agree with the above comment though, the font color is a tad bit too dark. A shade lighter would be of much assistance! Thanks for entering! The Pickle AKA Zach
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I have been in the same situation in my life, during my earlier days. I believed a god existed, but that for whatever reason, she had given up on me. So your poem resonated within. Hang in there, god does exist and he certainly does love.
On a side not, I found this poem difficult to read because of the font color. Maybe it's just my eyes going bad, but perhaps you'd want to change it for others sake.
peace
doug
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Very interesting to say the least. It is amazing how things can have so many more meanings than just the obvious one...
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