Gluttons For Punishment

A torrent of rain fell down onto the world as if the sky was in unbearable sorrow and one woman stood amidst it all, tilting her head up toward the sky so that her own tears may be hidden from all prying eyes. Her ebony hair stuck to her skin and dress in a sopping wet mess, her bangs covering her crimson eyes partly. Its silver and gold highlights were barely visible now. Her wings were sheltering part of her upper body from the tears from the sky. Their red leather in between the bones was tilted downward towards the ground and the black of them in the back was tilted upward, creating a waterfall of droplets falling to the ground of sorts. Her black halter-like dress stuck to her figure, weighing her down from the water. It had golden trimming the top and bottom and a split on each side going to her hips. It hindered her walking quite annoyingly, but she paid it no heed. She knew her red and silver boots would squelch terribly once she walked back to the tavern, but that was at the back of her mind. Her hands hung to her sides loosely, though her hands clenched into fists every now and then, causing her palms to bleed by the force of her golden claws.

She never liked for anyone to see her cry; not even him. Not because she minded if he did, but because he hated to see her cry. It pained him to see her in so much pain, and so she hid it from him. She would often excuse herself when it became too much for her to keep buried. However, there was a catch to all of this. For the reason she was crying now, she only cried once a year. She buried as much of the pain away as she could; ignored it until it was tearing at the seams. Until she couldn't take anymore and then she would cry until she fell asleep, or until she was empty. It often took hours. This was why she would never seek comfort in her lover's embrace. It was too painful for him to watch, even if he didn't show it most of the time. Sharazon had always been such a strange man.

She closed her eyes as a sigh passed her pale lips. She'd need to feed again soon as well, but she didn't care. Nothing mattered right now. Nothing but Sharazon. He was all that she lived for; all that she breathed for. He was what kept her from giving up; her reason for waking and rising in the morning. It was all because he needed her more than he would ever need anyone. She was the one he cried to, the one he was always gentle with, the one he always came to when he needed something he'd never get from anyone else. Perhaps it seemed unfair to her; that he would 'use' her in such a way, but no one would ever understand him like she did. She knew he had to be the way he was. He couldn't help it. Of course, that certainly didn't stop the pain in her heart. That didn't stop her from loving him more than anything or anyone else in this entire life. He was for her and she had said long ago that if she fell in love with him, she'd know he was her soulmate, even if he hurt her. She was, after all, a glutton for punishment.

He did punish her too; by burying himself away and leaving the shell he was out before he met her, and it was all because of Helen. She had said something, done something to cause him to convert back to the way he was. She had made him fear loving her and she had made him punish her for all of the horrible deeds that had befallen him before. When he had his heart broken twice in a row in the same week; when he had lost all faith in the female population. She had showed him that not all women were heartless like he thought. She had showed him by caring for him unconditionally; loving him with every inch of herself. What did she get in return? A slap in the face, but she had promised. She had promised that she would try to never hurt him as they had and she'd be damned if she broke it. She would not be the reason he fell apart. She would not break him. She refused to be so cruel, even if he deserved it. Even if she would only ever be his 'True Mistress'.

At times, she was so insecure, she wasn't even sure where she belonged in his heart. She knew he loved her, of course, but he rarely showed it to her as deeply as it went. He could never express it in ways most couples did because a part of him wouldn't allow it. He was too broken; too wounded to let himself trust her fully with his heart. She had to admit that it did hurt, but she could understand. He had opened up so much and one day, she still hoped he could open fully and trust her. Because she would never allow herself to hurt him. If she ever did, she would beg him to take out his pain upon her for an eternity because she had broken the most precious thing to her heart. She wouldn't deserve anything more than to be tortured in the most horrid ways. She could barely feel the warmth on her face as tears flooded her eyes, since her face cooled just as quickly with the rain.

It had been different before Helen. He hadn't completely opened up, but he was so much gentler, even around the company of others. Now, he was only gentle when they were alone in their room, unless they were playing a game they were fond of. Even so, she would never complain. He had gone through unbearable pain and who was she to whine about this? Her pain was nothing to his. It broke her heart each time to see him cry. It broke her heart to feel all of his emotions swirl together and crash in a wave that may drown him if she didn't pull him out of the mixture. She was always there and she always would be. She had promised and promises were something she tried to keep, no matter if it meant her death. Even the death of part of herself.

She was only ever this fragile when Sharazon was with her. She never meant to be, even if it only happened once a year. She hated it and she couldn't stand to cry. She hated crying almost just as much as she hated herself for being so selfish. She was so much different when she wasn't with him. Even then, sometimes she was the same with him as she was without him. Of course, only during playful times. Then again, she usually wasn't this emotional until later on in the year. It hurt to share him after all, and it hurt to know that she had lost a part of him when Helen had found him. She wanted him back; wanted him for herself. She wanted to be his only lover and her only home was in his arms. Once he had left her after she had finally given herself to him completely, a part of herself died. He had taken the best part of her heart and she had changed from the innocent child she once was to someone not too different from him. Each year she spent sharing him with the entire world, a piece of her heart shattered, but he didn't know. Perhaps he never would.

Her head kept screaming that she should give this up and she knew very well that if she didn't, it may very well tear her apart. Of course, her heart was always strongest and that was always what she followed. She was always traveling in hopes of running into him after they parted ways. Even though she had left so much behind back home, she just couldn't wait for him to come to her all of the time. She needed him more than anything else in the world. That's why she had to be strong. She had to keep herself together for both herself and for him, when she needed to keep him together. When he broke down, she had to keep him from falling apart. She was what kept him sane. She closed her eyes as yet another sigh passed those tainted lips. "Where do I belong in your heart?"

Two arms came across her waist tightly a few moments after she whispered those words, freezing her quite suddenly. A pair of lips came down on the flesh of her neck and she tilted her head slightly. Of course, it was him. "What is my Precious Little Rose doing out here all by her lonesome, hm?" Sharazon whispered against her skin.

Rose sighed softly. She hadn't realized she'd stopped crying, but it wouldn't last long. She turned toward him with a weak smile as she gazed upon him. His silver hair was sleeked back against his head and down to his middle back, glistening in the tears of the world. His leather outfit stuck to his skin and she could guess that it was probably uncomfortable. Yet, he stood there, holding her tightly against him, his ashen skin glistening with droplets of rain

"I just needed some time alone, my love. No worries, I'm not going anywhere." She whispered finally and kissed his lips tenderly, allowing her hands to caress his upper body, sighing against his mouth. She needed, more than anything, to be in his embrace right now. She knew he could sense the unsettling emotions boiling within her, but she hoped he wouldn't be able to guess why.

"What's wrong with My Fragile, hm? You're troubled, love. You didn't have to run away because you're upset," he spoke tenderly to her before he kissed her deeply. He couldn't stand to know that she was in pain and he had grown concerned when she had left his company at least two hours before he came in search of her.

"I don't like to pain you with my weaknesses, you know that," she said softly as she looked into his ice blue eyes. "I don't want to bother you while I'm rendered useless to you."

Sharazon fingered her lips with a disapproving look and sighed in exasperation. "You are never useless, love. Don't ever think such a thing. I told you I would always be here for you when you need me and if you run away, I can't be. Don't do such things. Don't you understand that I want to comfort you? While you're with me, Rose, you are my everything. Don't ever forget that."

Rose closed her eyes and hugged Sharazon tightly to her as tears started to pour down her face once more. She didn't want him to notice, but she knew it was useless to hope for such things. She hid it as best as she could, but if she was near enough, he could feel her pain. Now? This was going to be the start of her senseless sobbing and apologising. Her dreams would never come true, would they? That's why she cried, wasn't it? Because she couldn't have the one thing that meant everything to her. She had to share him with the world and it just wasn't fair. He could never fully express how much she meant to him and it hurt so badly, she could die. Sometimes, she felt as if she'd lose her mind from the pain. He kept her sane, she kept him sane...but it would never be enough.

She wasn't sure when she fell to the ground and started mumbling of how she never wanted him to leave her again. She wasn't sure when she started to speak her mind, telling him that she mustn't be good enough if she didn't deserve him. Someone worth his time didn't exist, did they? No, of course not. He had said so the first day they met and she would never be worth enough of his time to actually stay by her side. No, he needed more than that, or maybe he hid behind the other women; behind Helen. Again, she wasn't even certain when Sharazon had picked her up and carried her inside, nor when he had laid her on his bed, undressed her and himself, and started to make love to her, whispering sweet nothings into her ear as she continued to cry.

"I'm just a stupid whore like the rest of them, aren't I? I'm only good for pleasure...but it gets boring, doesn't it? I'm constantly punished, I'm too weak, I'm too clingy, I'm too selfish, I'm too jealous...Oh Gods, why do you keep me, Sharazon? Why? Why would you want a quivering mess of flesh and bone?" She wasn't sure what she was saying anymore in these euphoric moments as she arched her back and dug her claws into her lover's ashen flesh. Her mind was bleeding all over her heart. She got lost into his kiss and touch, but it never did stop the tears. It didn't matter though. As much as he hated to see a woman cry, he'd never be cruel to her again. Not after all they'd been through.

"You are not a stupid whore, I'm the stupid whore. I was years before you met me and I am now, years later. You are so much more to me than just pleasure, and you never get boring..." Sharazon whispered in her ear as he rotated his hips against her frail form. "You are my everything and I love you. I love you so much, it hurts. It's something that hurts too much to even explain...In my twisted sick way. I don't deserve you. I never did and I never will...You deserve someone who can give you everything you need and more, and yet you say you are mine no matter what. Keep your facts straight, Kitten." He closed his eyes painfully and held Rose tightly against him as he took her as his like so many other nights. He didn't understand what she saw in him. He didn't understand why she would let herself be hurt so badly just for him. If she'd just move on, she could be happier.

Rose cried out softly as he continued to caress her in her most sacred of places. "I promised...I promised I'd never hurt you and I never will. I refuse to do such a thing. I refuse to break you. I could never be happier without you, my Dark Love, because, like you, I would fall apart if I left you. We are part of each other and physical contact is essential to keep our sanity. You know that. You always have."

She kissed him with all of the passion she could ever hope to unleash into his heart as the tears continued to assault her cheeks. Their symphony was not hindered in the least, however, and she was thankful for his doing this for her. He never ceased to amaze her at times. Their relationship was so unique...so special. So necessary, that she knew it could never be broken. They needed each other, no matter how much they hurt one another. Maybe they were both gluttons for punishment.