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Partial Eclipse - Sonnet #II

Missing image

Sonnet II 

 

It stood there moon detected in the sky;
a sky not interrupted by a cloud
what cloud could even think it could deny,

as would deny momentum if allowed?
Allowed are we to gather on approach
a menacing approach it was to be,
beware, so many people still encroach

people taller, wider, openly!

How openly aware are we in groups,

in groups a rampant part of selfishness

partakes by shifting heads and lowly stoops

to stoop so low would miss it nonetheless.

How nonetheless has asked morality,

to mask it slight with partiality.

           ~wreath sonnet~

Author notes

With insight, the nature may be incorporated as a spiritual something which is there, and in the eyes of our own image.
Written January 3rd, 2003

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 24 of 24
  • meena krish
    July 25

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    Very well expressed as well as written. You play
    with words like a toy and create a beautiful read
    for the heart and mind to admire...lovely wok!


  • suseann
    March 4, 2006
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    This speaks in expressive language and tells a wonderful story as well.~~~Suseann


  • Cream22
    June 24, 2005
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    amazing

    as an ex pole dancer I truely love this poem good job


  • Kelsey-Jo silver member
    April 25, 2005
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    This was really original. I like the word choice... it was very unique. Also your rhyme scheme was flawless. Wonderful job and good luck.

    Kelso

  • nolonger
    April 25, 2005
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    I could have sworn I commented on this peice.Mabey I was deleted???In anycase I like it alot.


  • M.A.King
    April 25, 2005
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    I have to say this is richly penned in language, rhyme and content. The meter feels Trochaic and works beautifully. An excellent piece.

  • NomDePlume silver member
    April 25, 2005
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    Good Luck

    Great write
    good rhyme
    Sad but truth in life.

    Thanks for sharing!

    Michael~


  • April 25, 2005
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    Beautiful in your words of description, I loved it! Take care, Lissa


  • leander Moderators member
    April 25, 2005
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    I love the way you brought this with your use of metaphors
    I don't know how to write sonnets myself (maybe I should learn ) but the flow was very consistant here also the rhyme seems to be perfect

    I wish you the best of luck in this contest here

    Leander


  • Sandi Alford gold member
    April 25, 2005
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    Excellent use of metaphors and your ryhme was Very well done, Great job! Best of luck Sandi


  • cycko freak
    April 24, 2005
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    This was a well written piece.. Very good rhytm and metaphores... Goodluck in the contest!


  • Gaffer
    April 24, 2005
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    Love the visuals, love the choice of words, love the flow, love the choice of rhyme. Well thought out and well executed. Applause for sure.


  • RuthKephart
    April 24, 2005
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    Wonderful metaphores and use of alleteration in this piece. A timeless write for certain. Best of luck in the contest
    Ruth


  • Loosher
    April 24, 2005
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    Wow, very very well done! I love the metaphors!!
    "Attired in a metaphor, syncronised clone" <~~ Great line!! Really, this was so greatly done I wish I could say more!


  • Legend silver member
    April 24, 2005
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    Wow hold me down I want to jump up and shout read this , an excellent work of art.so pleased that all of the other poets will have a chance ( if they follow the rules)and have to read this. like all of the poem entered so far they bring many different forms and ideas to the table
    good luck in the contest


  • Janice M Pickett
    April 24, 2005
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    GREAT

    You write very much like me. So I have a deep understanding of where you are coming from. This is a beautiful piece of writing.

  • nolonger
    April 24, 2005
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    Great poem.As someone who used to do the pole dance Im going to have to agree that were no9t all sleasy but sometimes forced for easy fast and alot of money.


  • Neko-rei
    April 24, 2005
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    wow...you did such a remarkable job on this. I have to agree, you ryhmed and didn't seem to force it at all. It was well put together! I can't think of anything new to say, but well done. Good luck in the contest.

  • OhSoSorry
    December 30, 2004
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    This brings me back to the epoch of when my friends and I were all turning 18, and strip-clubs were the main interest.

    "elusive as butterflies choose to be caught
    worth is the cascading sign, 'not for sale'"
    A lot of the strippers are not "sleasy" as people would think, and that sometimes they are forced to do a job like this. Those two lines do a great job of describing their valor.

    Now onto symbolism. The title works well in both the sense that strippers should be a rare delight and so is the "Aurora Borealis". Also, in a nature-sort-of-way, the Aurora Borealis IS sexy.

    Your rhyming scheme is the best I have read in a while. It all is put together so well, none of it seems forced.


  • carelove0v
    December 10, 2004
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  • carelove0v
    December 10, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    wow this is nice,outstanding


  • Amunet Wolfbane Moderators member
    January 3, 2003
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    excellent

    this is great, i really enjoyed it, well done :O:)

  • FrangibleEuphony
    January 3, 2003
    Edit | Reply

    neutral

    great poem... i like alot.


  • Thathom
    January 3, 2003
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    neutral

    Truly marvelous:) And you cover different subjects too!
    Yay to different subjects :)

1 - 24 of 24