I lie here in stunned silence,
A soft blue light illuminating your perfect features.
What are you?
Angel, Demon, Prince,
Or another cliche?
Never have I known such kindness and cruelty to reign together in one man.
Every night you destroy me.
Tear me apart.
Rend me so completely that unless your soft, strong hands were there
To put me back into myself,
I know I would lose myself forever.
You are my undoing, and my remaking,
You Master me with a born ease,
Transforming me into something base and bestial,
Transmuting me into something holy.
Lips curve, an arrogant smirk,
Filling my world with passion and fear.
Knowing my flesh and soul will lay sundered at the touch of your lash,
Only to be soothed and healed by your soft murmured words.
You know how you touch me,
And together, as we plumb the depths of human depravity,
I offer up a silent thanksgiving to a deity that had never shown an ounce of interest,
Until he sent you.
Author notes
For you, my darling.
*This poem has been highly misinterpreted. I'm glad that it has touched so many in ways that I never meant it to, but this is not a poem about abuse. As messed up as it may seem, it is a tribute to the greatest man I can ever had known. He treats me like a goddess, and in turn I worship him as my King.
Written August 14th, 2005
What did you think
Comments
1 - 62 of 62
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there is nothing as sensual as a Master/sub realationship this portrays it well showing that these things are what you desire crave and ask for beautiful write! but i think you know that
xx well done cheryl
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Good poem
A good poem, but I don't believe that relationships of this sort are healthy. Exciting maybe, but not good for people in the long run. -
Excellent
For one who does not consider herself a writer, you did an outstanding job on this piece. I love this line, "You are my undoing,and my remaking". The words you chose were powerful and descriptive...I could "feel" it. Excellent...Marg -
I have experienced this and can relate to this write. If you dig deep enough into your soul you will find that you are the strong one and he the weak. Your poem paints a picture of controlling spousal abuse..... Your poem is very well penned and the flow and word choice is superb.......You did a fantastic job on this pen. I loved it...
Smiles
your way >>>> Sandy 
San-d
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Yesh . . . I know the feeling perfectly. I had a string of abusive boyfriends . . . my father and mother have basically told me that they hate me . . . I've lost over 12 friends to alcohol and drugs, and atleast another four 2 either suicide and car accidents . . . probably more. I didn't believe in God . . . until I met my current . . . best friend . . . boy friend . . . everything. There has to be someone up there . . . for me to end up with such an Angel to watch over and care for me.
This piece was realli well written and flowed evenly throughout! Keep penning and keep sharing!
Happy Valentine's Day!
~~Maggie -
Wonderful...full of passion and heat
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don't you think it's really ironic to put this poem in wierd category when it makes such perfect sense!!
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~ding ding ding ding~ Give this man a prize.
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Nice job! wow such powerful, its really intresting, how it flows on an emotional level keep it up
take care
~ Steph ~ -
Wow, powerful stuff! This is unbelieveable, i have known someone just like this and it's scary! Thanks for writing this!
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I dont think this is about an abusive relationship? I might be wrong but it sounds more like a Master/submissive one? Love comes in many forms. Its well written poem and I liked it. Keep it up.
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i think we have a potential winner out here... just loved this poem... i don't know why i hadn't found you before... just loved every word of it... especially:
Angel, Demon, Prince,
Or another cliche?
Never have I known such kindness and cruelty to reign together in one man.
also:
You are my undoing, and my remaking,
You Master me with a born ease,
Transforming me into something base and bestial,
Transmuting me into something holy.
and finally:
You know how you touch me,
And together, as we plumb the depths of human depravity,
I offer up a silent thanksgiving to a deity that had never shown an ounce of interest,
Until he sent you.
just exquisite
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I have always been drawn to this, wondered about the attraction on the other side of the paddle or whip......
You have helped me to picture it, to see the reasons why. This is an excellent poem, well crafted, full of sensuality and deep meanings. Well done!! -
Awesome
Why is it that a woman always falls for those who can manipulate,yet not seem to love.It seems to me that he has a treasure that he cannot see. Yet I see the treasure and cannot have it. Love is a strange and wonderful thing. But can so easily be used for selfish need.
Edited on Aug 30, 1:53 p.m. because ''. -
Oh my lord, I adore this piece, I know a man like that, with the arrogant smirk and the soft strong hands... You poem is lovely, Unsure and angery, and yet full of desire... I can relate. Great poem.
-Ash : :
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Oh wow, so darkly exhilirating and thrilling to read such a fresh look on the facets of an abusive relationship. You want what he has and gives, but at the same time you loathe it. Do you not also doubt yourself? Beautiful write, vivid imagery..great job and good luck in the contest!
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"Angel, Demon, Prince,
Or another cliche?" *Bravo* on that little part. Spectacular! This is a very well written piece, quite emotional and thought provoking. I love the format, the word choices, and so many phrases in this!!!!
Good luck in the contest!
Bestest wishes and all that other mushy, gushy stuff
~Meli~
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A dark,A dark poem that attracts
I think this poem reflects the theme of living on the fringe in depraved excitement beats not living at all. It is infinitely more fulfilling to feel an abandonment of morality, of adherence to principled actions (provided you are not hurting anyone else) than it is to tow the orthodox, accepted, prescribed line that will drown you in a sea of monotonous predictability.I wish I felt this way about someone who released such a tidal wave of emotion and irresistible passion in me, however wild and depraved it may be ! camus -
hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm <--thought this poem is very thought provoking... makes me think... very beutifull writeing
keep it up! -
Very interesting,took me a re-read to fully grasp it. Wasn't quite sure what emotion you were trying to portray, but now I see it was a sort of positive poem At least I think... lol. Well done ~ Osarkon
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Excellent
This is so scary and so damn true,knew a man like that.So addictive the strongest drug I have ever known.Great imagery red,raw and deep.You have done an almost bloodcurdling stomach wrenching write! -
precise
I have been there (haven't we all...maybe not)- You really put it so well. You show how you depend on the same thing that is destroying you. But you know what your in for, so it's not abusive- -
Yeah, get in there with the depravity, I hope your partner here was touched (in one way or another he had to be), quite a lover this guy as well
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I am amazed at the amount of emotion that you have portrayed in this poem.
I particularly like...
"You are my undoing, and my remaking,
You Master me with a born ease,
Transforming me into something base and bestial,
Transmuting me into something holy."
The thought that something base and bestial can also be considered holy is a concept I have not come across before.
Thanks for writing this, it has given me much to dwell upon.
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~laugh~ dear god, save us from co-dependance, right? No.. I'm not QUITE as nuts as I may come off.. I just thrive on passion and edgy emotion. thank you Padgett for your amusing and kind comment, I wll check out your work tomorrow, when I'm more rested and able to do it justice.
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i really liked the poem... its really deep...hehe im pretty speechless but its good...
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This was deep and touching,( I hope you can breath with out him) LOL, Any way the poem flowed, Great Job, Beautifully expressed,I look forward to reading other pieces from you, When you have time check me out, Thanks
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fantastic poem, just as most realationships are.
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Please do! Thank you, I'm honored!
And just to answer your question, his love has changed me completely for the better. I am completely in love with him, and every brutal moment with him is extacy.. he's shattered and re-made me more times than I can imagine, and I never want it to end. ~laugh~ -
Alluring
Very sensuously felt and arromatic, pealing out the deadlock Ideas. Perfectly set and even better experienced. -
You know, that always bothered me about it as well... when I wrote it the long lines were unbroken, but because of the format here.. ~shrug~ I looked at it before, but I never liked anything I came up with... it's been a few days since I tried to re-format it, and I think this works better, Thanks for the advice, it means a lot coming from you, I love your work.
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beautiful
i agree with twiztid...it can be for better or worse....in a case like this, well im not sure prolly worse from my understanding. its is a beautiful write, i might have to add it to my favs...if you dont mind -
this is very nice kitten, the extremes work well and the peaks and valleys of our feelings while in love are sharply displayed. My only complant if you would call it that is the long lines maybe they could be chopped in half made into 2 lines shrugs good job I enjoyed the read
love and light
blaze -
Interesting and a little confusing, but it got me thinking....great.
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Very true, Bardic, and each step of that cycle teaches us something new about ourselves and each other.
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That's the process that friends do to one another. Destruction, construction and resurrection. Remember that.
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wow, great poem, i love the contradicitons, i know how it feels to be trapped between loving someone and hating them, although for me, he hated me lol so there was no real point in loving him , but this is a truely great write, well done
~~~Shawna~~~ -
Fantastic write. The message is clear and strong.
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This is fantastic! I particularly love the final stanza, it's quite unexpected. The free form is very effective and you develop this man and his effects on you extremely convincingly. There's also a very strong voice to this poem. Awesome work!
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I enjoyed reading this piece very much from beginning to end, I found it to be truly amazing, I hope to read more of your work in the near future, good luck on all up-coming writes and have a wonderful day,, Cya later!
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wow this was deep! so dark yet so elevating! i loved your choice of words and the imagery was phenominal! well done with this!
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This was a very very great poem. Just the whole idea was very compelling. The idea of unmaking. You are very talented. There was just so much raw, hard passion it the words. I imagine the relationship with him must be...well...very trying sometimes but very worth it. This was just definitely very well written and put together. Nice write!
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well, i understand the unmaking part...sometimes love can be as cruel as insensitive as it can be touching and passionate. very great write...to combine the two. i love it!! great write!! keep it up!
~~KAriime~~ -
wow
Oh wow what a lucky man to have such a woman as you. -
wonderful story...although I cant imagine why you would want this....sad and soul compressing but yet love linger be it just sexual or just a yearn to belong......very wonderfully expressed with a flow to keep my thoughts in limbo....I love the read very much.....I applaud you on this...
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Thank you very much for the kind words... but I do have to say, that he is splendid and loving in his brutality and that it is not only something that I submit to willingly, but an integral part of our relationship that I do not beleive I would feel whole without. His passion breaks me and reforms me into a stronger person every day, and when he isn't breaking me, he treats me like I'm as fragile and precious as a newborn chick.
I just didn't want anyone to take this poem the wrong way... it isn't abuse, it's a brutal, violent, amazing love. (whatever floats your boat, right?) A number of people have guessed at the underlying truths to my relationship with Him, and yes, y'all are right.
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wow this is a really well written poem and it's pretty cool. sometimes men are just a$s-holes don't you think? lol, their meanness makes great poems though. so great job. keep up the good work and best of luck to you in the contest.
love sam
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good write
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Awesome Truth!
I am stunned as you describe a relationship I have just like yours!The imagery stresses the contrast of the love and the hate,the cruelty and kindness.the make and break in the hands of just one man.As about as addictive as any medication you could swallow! -
This felt like a peek into something really personal, I loved the idea of "unmaking" - makes me think. There is a lot of raw emotion and passion here. It gives legitimacy to something that may ordinarily be seen as "unacceptable" and it does this in a good way - good write.
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Strangely violent and sensuous at the same time...raw actually..i like the way the ambivalence is portrayed of wild brtuteness and tender love...the end is lovely...
Angel, Demon, Prince,
Or another cliche?
good contrast.the diction is good too... -
This poem is a sort of acknowledgement of 'venial sin', yet somehow delights in it, with a vague regret.
I thought it was extremely well written, and especially liked the verse:-
" You are my undoing, and my remaking,
You Master me with a born ease,
Transforming me into something base and bestial,
Transmuting me into something holy."
altogether most sensitively written and yet so very passionate. Thank you for sharing.
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A very powerful piece of which I do relate to i appreciate the depth and the insight. On the second reading i decided i do love this piece for its honesty and rawness and passion.
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great..
truly awesome ..keep it up..nicely written -
Sadomasochistic? innocent look Why... I have no idea WHAT you're talking about..
hehe thank you for your kind words, you are all so helpful and supportive to a new writer like myself. -
This is just stunning. The title is absolutely lovely and made me just really open my eyes to this piece. Well done. What an achievement with interest to boot. Tony.
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intersting poem, very well written. dark and abusive. i find it to be a little sado/masochistic. lol. personally i prefer to dominate, but then there are times...
still i like an agressive woman. but also one who is subtile with her passion. very well written poem. your use of vocalublary is well done and the imagery is beautifully disturbing.
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Thank you all for your lovely comments.. I'll change the background for you
This is a deeply personal piece to me, and I'm glad to see it received so well. And to answer your question Sephielya, he treats me like a goddess, I'm the luckiest woman alive to have him. -
Very lovely, very deep, emptional, and something darkly sensual about this peice. I like your descriptions, though I find white background blinding lol Perhaps black, with that red passion of color would suit it. Backround's not important though, just talen, which you have. That you can feel like this about someone, it's wonderful, and that person, let's just hope they treat you as they should, as you want them to.
~Sephy J -
I... wow... awesome... I love this and I cannot seem to... well... i keep finding poems that fit me so well... and this is one of them... awesome....
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a very personal write... i enjoyed reading this. The flow and the choice of words made this write very deep and visual..great write- thanx for sharing
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Awww hunny! This poem touched me
Not alot do that. This was so heart felt....wonderful write.
Love~
Grave♥ ♥
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