How many stars do you have to change
Before you become who you want to be?
How many times must you be touched by an angel
Before your wishes really come true?
Because I think I've changed many stars,
And I've been touched by many angels,
Yet I'm still me.
I'm not who I want to be.
I'm not some great looking,
Great thinking,
All knowing,
Girl.
Author notes
Written January 2nd, 2003
What did you think
Comments
-
i like
-
some reworking will perfect this
"How many times must you be touched by an angel"
cliches should be avoided like the plague in poetry..though perhaps here if you made the cliche seem more ironic or put a more clever spin on it it'd be ok...and dont say you "think" something..in poetry it always is. No thinkings and no maybes. I think you've achieved the first part of poetry which is playing and getting a concept down..but your concept is weakly supported by your frame..try not to use the word "i'm" so much, and rather than saying what is or isnt, explain it.
for example:
rather than I am not who I want to be
im not some great looking
great thinking
all knowing------try
Yet I'll never walk the runways in paris
seldom will my ideas spark the interest of the public
and I do not have the answers to all, or many questions
and i didnt quite understand how "girl" was a strong ending...but seriously put some work into this and it'll be great =)
God bless and keep writing
Adding your comment:
1 old applause
