I never wanted to fall in love;
I would have preferred an adventure.
As kids we used to visit
Our grandmother's eldest sister.
In her dusted, dust free, house
Nothing had moved for centuries,
Not even us.
Children, held immobile
At the kitchen table. Listening
To conversations of ages past
And to the seconds that escaped,
One by one, slowly, from the clock,
In the sticky heat
Of the afternoon.
Now you're not here
And again I count centuries of seconds.
I never wanted to love you.
Author notes
Doe this mean the same to you as it did to me when I wrote it?
Written August 11th, 1992
In a list
What did you think
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
-
there is a contest being held about Time and Change - the philosophy of. Course the host doesn't want any "me" stories but I couldn't help but think how good an entry this would make into that contest.
also, i enjoy the sound of immoblie and table so close together.
you got lotssa lurve. next.... -
great poem
An Hour Glass starts off so slow and drags on and on till it gets near the end and it go's faster and faster till its the end, just like life! ......Now you're not here
And again I count centuries of seconds.
I never wanted to love you.
My question is do we ever want to love someone or do we just love? at any rate your poem touched my heart and really made me think...... great poem and memories Id say...
-
i think i got it...and migght i say the indirect metaphor is quite literally genius...i would have myself preferred an adventure over a love that felt like that...if i may, i just wanted to say that maybe you could somehow change the tone, the mood in here is good, but it can be improved...maybe even make it longer...
i think that is it...
be well,
buki
-
Nice job on this piece. I like very much the overall theme of it, as well as the story and plot and the events in which you tell. The only suggestion which I really could make is to possibly change the first line "I never wanted to fall in love" since in my opinion it was too cliched and made the readers turn away somewhat. Nevertheless, awesome job: super orignal and beautiful!
-
Wow, man-- this is great. I've felt this way in some relationships I was in. I sometimes just felt so tied down... I guess that's always the danger when personalities collide. It was never their fault... but I just don't think I was the right person... aaaaawkward. Great write- very cleverly done.
JWM -
sometimes- when we least expect it, the past slides up and makes us pay attention to what is missing- most times we sigh, shake our heads and go on- other times though we count centuries of seconds and wonder why. - This is lovely and complete and full of so much more than just a remembered moment.
m -
My personal favourite of yours because, as I said, I can smell the non-dust and hear the silence all but the ticking. Very very good. x debs
Edited on Nov 22, 2:32 p.m. because ''. -
Tell me more.
I've been there, but I'd like to know more about the story. It feels like one of the many emotional blind-alleys that we thought were important when we were younger, yet it's shadow lives on in our memories as if it had a right to 'live'.
Edited on Nov 22, 2:31 p.m. because 'typo
)'.
-
thimply thuperb
nice memory used. and the dust descriptions are very good! i like hte last few lines, well written. alot of emotion shown in this and the centuaries of seconds is very brilliant! i enjoyed reading this! -
thanks. I think your take on relationships is spot on. There is a distinction between the adventure and the relationships and, unfortunately, they happen with quite different timings.
vic -
All love, mine anyway, begins as an adventure. Most times it is the adventure we love and the relationship eventually fades. When we fall in love with the actual person we can only hope that it is reciprocated or we are doomed to hear the endless ticking of the clock.
-
When I was a kid, I always loved the conversations of the old folk ... though I was lucky enough to not have anally clean relatives. Love the comparison here, though .. the impatient restlessness of a child in a suffocating invironment and the impatient restlessness of infatuation/or love/or whatever it is that keeps us thinking about the other when not there. That is adventure, though .. unfortunately, I think the extreme adventurous emotion of it is relatively short-lived. If luck has it, though .. she'd like to help you find adventure, later .. at least, that's what seems ideal to me.
-
re-read today and 'in the sticky heat of the afternoon' conjures smell of dust (which, as you say, is not there - maybe it's the dry bones and the crushed children) and plastic - old fashioned plastic more i read this the more i hear the ticking. very good. x chilli
-
this is concise and soft - i love it - so did it mean the same to 'the other'? family line is in here too - i got austere from this but maybe i am mistaken - you are on my favourites. happy weekend. think an adventure is always the way to go.
Edited on Aug 11, 3:53 p.m. because 'add more'. -
i dont really know how to say it or what to say.this poem is awsome!dont stop writing....i would say that its more then awsome but idk what id say.an i would critize it but its to great to critize!keep writing ur great!!!
Adding your comment:
1 - 15 of 15
6 old applause
