Vast distances we've traveled from.
Worm to butterfly we've become.
Surviving nature's rage we flee.
Torn and tattered but still lovely.
Hunted daily by predators.
Our battles go from shore to shore.
Never captured, we remain free.
Torn and tattered but still lovely.
One last time we drink life's nectar,
Never again to feel a scar.
We fly to heaven hopefully.
Torn and tattered but still lovely.
Author notes
The emotion the butterfly personifies is hope!
Like the battered butterfly, we are all perfect in our weakness.
This butterfly is a metaphor for all who have been torn and tattered by life.
I took this picture today of the butterfly in the butterfly bush. She was so beautiful and bold despite her many injuries. I hope you are as blessed by her as I was.
fyi...
A Kyrielle is a French form of rhyming poetry written in quatrains (a stanza consisting of 4 lines),
and each quatrain contains a repeating line or phrase as a refrain (usually appearing as the last
line of each stanza). Each line within the poem consists of only eight syllables. There is no limit
to the amount of stanzas a Kyrielle may have, but three is considered the accepted minimum.
Some popular rhyming schemes for a Kyrielle are: aabB, ccbB, ddbB, with B being the repeated
line, or abaB, cbcB, dbdB.
This won the bronze trophy in Fighting Angel's Contest It's tough being Perfect 10/14/05.
This won honorable mention in Scara's Contest #2 with lots of options 8/10/05.
This won honorable mention in Calentice's Life of Inspriation contest 8/27/05.
Please do not use this photo without my permission.
Written August 10th, 2005
In a list
A contest entry
- Enter and Become Part of my AP Family! by ItalianGurrl.
350 points, ended October 6, 2006, 33 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - One to Fifteen by katie-jo.
450 points, ended August 14, 2007, 6 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - A contest for everyone by wingsofgold25.
600 points, ended September 1, 2007, 21 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 54 of 54
-
Beautiful picture I love butterflies and it stands out in your writing this is a very compelling piece of poetry. an excellent comparrison.
Good Luck in the contest. -
I love the form you used, because people rarely use it. The way you personified hope into a butterfly was very awesome, and it was a great metaphor. "Torn and tattered, but still lovely" is quite true.
In our weakness, God's strength is perfect.
Great write.
Thank you for entering and good luck in the contest. -
Very nice. I'll admit, I've only heard of this form prior to reading this piece of yours. I think it was unnecessary for you to translate the metaphor of the butterfly in your author's notes; a little bit of ambiguity never hurt anyone, but then again, the metaphor was obvious. To me, anyway.
You did a wonderful job with the rhyme scheme, I must say. It didn't feel forced or choppy, and that's always a good thing. Your meter was technically perfect -- 8 syllables per line, but there were just some words that were a bit of a stretch. In your description, you don't mention anything about a specific metrical foot (i.e. iambic, etc), and that's fine; I'm not looking for that if it isn't supposed to be there. But there were certain parts that were very...rough:
"Torn and tattered but still lovely." Take a moment and read it outloud to yourself; listen to the mechanics of each word. You have a stressed, unstressed, stressed idea going on at first, but then it switches to unstressed, unstressed, unstressed, stressed. Now, I'm not a meter master, but if you were to take the "but" out of that line, it would sound right, but you'd be missing a syllable. I'm at a loss for alternative words right now to supply you for help, but I think you get my drift. Other snags I noticed were in: line 5 and line 7. Line 10 is a little rough around the edges because of the 4 stressed syllables in a row with "never again", but I rather like the way it sounds. You could safely leave that one alone, if you go in to make adjustments.
And if you don't, this poem is fine the way it is. Thanks for entering! -
-
Thanks so much for the excellent critique. It is so good to have someone really read my poems!
I am so bad at metered poetry. It just is not in my genes. Thanks so much for the wonderful suggestions. I will return to this later.
Love and hugs
- joanne
-
-
Lovely
This beauty brought tears to my old eyes. You have seen the essence of truth and written it in wonder and awe. I like this so very much!
hugs Wolfie
-
-
Thank you dear Sister Wolf
God is so good to fill us with His love an light even though we've been so flawed and disobedient. He is amazing!
I miss you! - jo
-
-
Yours I liked vary much.
Good form. Great metaphore, although it is one that is used often. You did a good job with it. It is so good to see Christian Verse that is more metaphore than sermon. Keep it up. Write on! -
this is great a wonderful poem I tend to shy away from the nature poems but this really touches the heart beautifully written...
-
Breath Taking
This is lovely and full of spirit and truth. Thank you for adding it to the reading page. God bless you.
Tabitha
-
A well deserved trophy! A beautiful write, beautiful picture, and yes, I am blessed to have read it!!
Your words are as lovely as this pretty butterfly of yours!!
GBY
-
excellent
this is beautiful with a heartfelt message. you have done a wonderful job with this. i love your picture. i have a similar one i took from my yard. i like how this poem is made so personal to everyone. keep the ink flowing poet. God bless you
-
Congratulations on winning bronze. Well written.
-
This was an amazing poem. I loved the line "Torn and tattered but still lovely" thats an amazing line. It was so true about most things in life. just because theyt aren't perfect, doesn't mean they are beautiful. great poem
-
This was absolutly beautiful. The use of the buterfly was perfect. Your medifors and immagry are so powerful. thank you for entering. ~calentice~
-
Beautiful!! There could be a number of meanings, from butterfly to scared soul through out life’s battle, but still considered lovely to Jesus… I simply love it, and only wish I had an applaud left today
I will come back next time I am on and give ya one, I am glad I met you, and look forward to reading more of your work!
Blessings
Dionna
-
It is a pleasure to see your use of a form many don't take the time to understand.
-
Great
Nice -
Awww..the picture almost brings tears to my eyes. This poem is as lovely as the butterfly described. Best wishes in the contest!
-
I liked this!!! i liked the style that you used and your word choice was great! Very good imagry! Great Write!! keep it up!!
Cassie -
Oh that's beautiful. I liked "torn and tattered but still lovely"..it shows that even though the beautiful can be hurt, it doesn't change their loveliness..all the time.
-
Nice work. I like how there was just so many ways the poem's meaning could be interpreted. Well done on doing the Kryielle.
-
beautiful. i really liked it. great work!
-
Wonderful
This was amazingly beautiful. I loved the whole poem!! I love that style you used. Your words were beautifully chosen. Great job. -
i think that your poem was very positve, and in a way very encouraging
-
You never cease to amaze me with your wonderful talent. This is so inspiring. Very very nicely done.
Sam
-
One of your better pieces. It adds much to the image.
-
Oh wow! I didn't see the metaphor until the last stanza, third line... and then I saw a new light on everything, on two levels instead of one. This is beautiful.
I sort of tripped over the refrain line, though, and a couple spots where the rhyme and meter were not perfect. I know it would take some work, but if you could only make the line "Tattered, torn, but lovely still," it would seem to be much smoother rhythm.
Great imagery, and such a hope and beauty behind everything! So very clearly expressed. Oh, I just realized that this is a contest-poem! All the best... may this win something!
--Jocelyn
Edited on Aug 12, 1:24 because ''. -
Very Good
I really like this. I have never (to my knowledge) read a kyrielle before, but I think this turned out beautifully.
Keep up the great work
EH -
This was really good. The metaphors for people and life were excellent. This was written so well and it flowed nicely. A wonderful write about life. I just loved it. I hope you won the contest, this is defintely worthy of winning. Thank you for sharing it.
-
I understand the torn and tatterd part,ok?,lovely,and beautiful...luv...luvmybabys...
Edited on Aug 12 because 'understand'. -
very beautiful write and picture,great imagination,and so true,so,so true...I love it...luvmybabys
-
good poem
oooo I have a photo like that I took it's of one on a pink flower nice poem -
Thanks for the author's note--I truly enjoyed the experience to learn about a new form of poetry. This is such a beautiful example too! Keep up the beautiful work, and good luck in this contest, I wish you the best!
-
This is one of the forms I am trying to learn. Very beautifully written. I love the picture as well.
-
The poem was great and the picture was cool too.Good job!
-
it's sooo sweet! I like it!!!! it's have a nice repteiion...but I don't understand the torn and tattered part...in your poem you mentioned predator..but what is torn? their wings?...otherwise..nice write...very naturistic..lol..don't think that's a word
-
Beautiful work here.
I feel the same way about the butterfly as you put into words here. It is nice to read your work again and well I am out of applause but could not pass this fine piece up. Very well done and that graphic was really good and worked out here. -
color my wings butterfly
I love butterflies...color my wings butterfly….they are the majesty of free falling.... they touch the essence of natures call.. Pedals of nectar they draw from the brimming beauty of a flowers touch...teasing and fancy-free they fly in carefree dominion.... Oh beautiful butterfly fly to me....Reigns this is a lovely piece of poetry and touches my sensitivity of this beautiful creature of natures divine delights...Thanks for sharing...I’m putting my hands together cause I have no applause left...boo hoo...that’s me cryin.. LOL
Peace
Malabu
-
Kayla, thank you so much! I treasure your comments - always. I counted theater as two syllable not three.....I've been fighting with those two lines.......I changed the second line one more time. What do you think? I wasn't really happy with "theater." Oh....rhyming is so hard for me! But it's good to try at least! Love and hugs - joanne
-
Excellent
Wonderful heart felt poem. To take the picture and aply it to such a form of poetry. You can just feel the way the poem draws you in. Take care, Lissa -
You did an excellent job.
It is short, but still is very good.
Great job.
I loved it.
Muchlove
Donna -
That was so beautiful, Joanne!!! Hard to believe it's your first Kyrielle EVER... And wow, I can't believe that you took that picture yourself! It's really good. I'd probably scare the butterfly away in my attempt to immortalize it...
I was hiking and I saw a bee and a butterfly on the same flower, but I was too slow.
Your imagery and metaphor were lovely! The only thing I'd say is that in the line "Hurling our cares to earth's theater." you might want to recount your syllables, because I counted nine instead of eight.
Great write, and keep it up!
Kyla -
this is so nice, I remember last year we watched a butterfly hatch from his cacoon, it was off the hook, it is truly beautiful, I love butterflies, thanks so much for this, i loved it!!
-
It's amazing you took the picture yourself, butterflies are my obsession, its a really great poem and it shows deep meaning, you are a great poet
~~~Shawna~~~ -
I really like the correllation of our torn and tattered lives to the butterfly in the picture. Thanks a million for writting and sharing this.
Paggles -
Vast distances we've traveled from.
Worm to butterfly we've become.
Surviving nature's rage we flee.
Torn and tattered but still lovely.
AWESOME STANZA////that was so beautiful! WOW....I wish I had more applause...sorry -
I changed the two lines....what do you think. Thanks so much for the criitcal comment. - joanne
-
This was an inspireing piece, both the photo and the poem. You've looked deep into both, and despite the wounds, you've found hope and purpose. Awesome job!
-
Hey, this was a wonderful piece! Such a beautiful picture you took! Im not fond of butterflies, i find them evil But you portrayed this one beautifully, and strongly! Wonderful metaphor! I did count your syllables, and from what i counted it was right on the dot!! The only thing i didnt like was...
For one last time we drink in life,
Forgetting our worries and strife.
Everyone uses life and strife to rhyme, i think its way too over done.
But your poem was very nicely written! I enjoyed it! Wicked!!
~jenn~ -
excellent
Beautiful Joanne!!
What wonderful representation of this beautiful picture. I learn a lot from these different forms of poetry that you write. Because of you I try different types like the recent Triolet you wrote. I studied it wrote my own. I shall do the same on this hopefully. Thanks. this perfect in form and flows so well. BRAVO!!!!!!! -
Joanne,
This was a lovely tribute on the butterfly and touching. A beautifuly written piece. Then to apply that to life and to hopefuly to be when we stand before the Lord accepted as in you speak a remarkable read and your picture is priceless. ♥
Sherry ♥
Edited on Aug 10, 11:05 p.m. because ''. -
Poem was very nice, it is a very soft and warm type feeling poem. Good Job!
-
You are so welcome. thank you for holding this contest since it gave me the reason to write about this butterfly. It was like she made her last visit to my home for the sole purpose of giving me hope. Many blessings to you! - joanne
-
I've seen a few butterflies of that kind that have torn wings, yet they still fly on. And you did a great job of representing that in this poem!
Thank you so much for entering!
~Sarah
Adding your comment:
1 - 54 of 54
