She thought she could make it
for once she had faith in herself
she thought she could see the light
and she struggled to every day
but her eyes could strain no further
Going for her dreams
reaching out to grab them
but she knows she's about to miss
her dreams flowing further away
with every lonely second that passes
Trying to hold her head up high
but obviously failing miserably
she needs someone to hold it up
she needs the person who will give her the strength
but no one will ever answer the cries she screams
She though she had it good again
not miserable any longer
not pleading to get out of this life any longer
and she's nearly there, then it all slips away
She thought, but she thought wrong
As her body lays on the floor
a chilling cold present upon her skin
the pain flows with the blood
right out of her punctured veins
and it is all evident, that this girl, thought wrong
Author notes
i just want a critical comment, thanks all! take care!
Written August 10th, 2005
What did you think
Comments
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Great Job!
Wow... this poem is really good.. and i can relate so it really made it more powerfull to me..the flow is great.. even without rhyming it still flowed..thats talent right there..ive always had trouble doing that...great job sweetie!
~*Aly*~ -
Thanks for your advise, i really appreciate it, and i will take it into concideration... take care!
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A powerful write, but you come across such poems so often on this site, a poem really does need something special to stand out against the crowd. In some places, it says 'though' where I believe it's supposed to say 'thought'. My thoughts would be to give this poem some more personality, although it does have a personal feel to it, just to make it stand out more.
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