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Your Tears

i didn't see you crying
only you heard your tears
i thought you would listen
you only kept your fears

i fought the words you said
as you hid your pain
i tried to share some truth
but only yourself you blame

now I'm sitting here hoping
you stop your lies
maybe it'll make a difference
maybe if you finally try

i could be just crazy
to hope you would someday see
but now all i hear is
the tears that you won't let leave





Author notes

hope you like this one.
Written August 9th, 2005

A contest entry

What did you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

1 - 6 of 6
  • Satin Slapt Tears
    September 2, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    great, yet sad poem...good job...I liked the last stanza....
    "I could be just crazy
    to hope you would someday see
    but now all i hear is
    the tears that you won't let leave"

  • Jocelyn Davis
    August 16, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Yes! Yes! It won first.... Well-deserved and well-earned! Congrats.

    --Jocelyn


  • VampyricNyteMare
    August 14, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    WHOO CONGRADS DISCIPLE! another beautifully written poem. I wish you luck in everything you do, this poem was wonderful, I loved it as I love everything you do. Im glad you won, you deserved it.


  • Always Deena
    August 11, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    OMG this is mind blowing,so adult for someone so young....I love young poets...they remind me of my younger days. Hold on to your wisdom & stay true to yourself. Good luck & thanks for entering.
    Deena


  • SerenityNChains gold member
    August 9, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Sad and vivid. It is hard to help those that do not want help. You depicted that beautifully in this. A very well written piece.

    Blessed be

    ~~Serenity~~
    Billie Jean

  • Jocelyn Davis
    August 9, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Wow. WOW! This is awesome. If you put some more work into it-- fixed the rhyme a little and perhaps changed a few words to communicate your feeling better,-- you would have a masterpiece.

    I love how you say it in your first lines: you couldn't see the tears, but you heard her (or him?) crying...inwardly. Some people hide in fear of their heart being seen, can't see their own desperate cry for help... and you're struggling to answer it.

    Powerful phrases "as you hid in your pain"... "hoping/ you stop your lies"... "I could be just crazy/ to hope" wow.. Exactly! Those communicate so much. Even though they seem impossible to reach, you're crazy enough (that is, you love them enough) to keep hoping and loving them until God answers the cry of those unseen tears.

    Fabulous heartfelt write! I love it! Please perfect it. It deserves recognition.

    --Jocelyn

    Edited on Aug 09, 11:00 p.m. because ''.

1 - 6 of 6