What goes here,
this hollow space
in my soul?
It's been so empty.
I've been so lost.
I can't feel anymore,
even when I see you by my side.
I stand alone
in the darkness.
The ground slips beneath me.
Only then do I scream for you.
Something's missing.
You're missing.
Author notes
"Something's Missing" T-shirt.
Sorry for how bad it is!
Written August 9th, 2005
In a list
A contest entry
- Finding Faveur or a Short Story by chintzy faberge.
555 points, ended August 16, 2005, 5 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
-
Well, I did it for a contest. You had to go look at t-shirts and then write something about them. The first one I clicked on was called "Something's Missing" (well, technically, it didn't have the apostrophe, but I like things to be grammatically correct). So I wrote a poem about it in about 5 minutes. Literally. But, I guess it's cool that I didn't make it seem boring!! Thanks for that one!
-
yeah, I was thinking more about someone who had fallen from God too...
simple and good... not necc. an original idea (you know, the whole "God-shaped hole" idea) but you did a good job making it not seem boring. -
I actually wasn't relating this poem to a significant other. As I re-read it, all I can think of is someone who has fallen from God. I'm sorry I didn't make that clear enough for you to understand.
-
You're emotions are very stark in this piece. You've taken the hole and filled it with a significant other, which is interesting. To improve this, I would make the stanzas more consistent lenghtwise or disperse the lines evenly.
Thanks for entering.
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