Decree Nisi
How distant is the wedding chimes?
I lost my count of all the times
I cried my heart out in my bed -
the pretty girl I woo'd to wed
arose and took to heels -
how empty it now feels...
How could I read between the lines
of words unwritten, things unsaid,
and salty tears conceals...
I can't live up to your ideals...
© Jim T. Henriksen
August 9th, 2005
Author notes
This poem represents broken feelings, and is therefore made in a broken style... I thought it fitted best that way. If you wonder what "Decree Nisi" means, it is a decree issued on a first petition for divorce, and becomes absolute at some later date. (Thanks to Dictionary.com!)
This poem got 2nd place in the "Make Me Feel You" contest by Kuragari91. 
Written August 9th, 2005
In a list
A contest entry
- Make Me Feel You by Kuragari91.
300 points, ended August 21, 2005, 27 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 34 of 34
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Hi, Queen of Cups! How was this like going to a funeral? This poem was written on the subject of separation, but I guess it could be interpeted as a funeral... Thanks for the comment, and the applause, I really appreciate it a lot!
Jim
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Brought back memories for me too . It was like going to a funeral. Great write
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Thanks for the comment, Di. Well, the contest this poem was in is over, and I only got 2nd place, but thanks anyway, my friend!
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Hi, this brought back memories of not so long ago, it works on bth sides,dreams we have them and we loose them, great write, love the form, the flow is very smooth, the feeling reaches deep inside, I would say this is a winner,all the best my friend an excellent write, hugs Di
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The next best, or the next-best?
Seriously, there's only one for me, and I'll go through hell to get back together with her.
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Ah but how do you know they are the best when you havn't met the next?
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Thanks for the comment, aslan. I wonder, though, what do you do when the one giving you such a decree nisi, is the best?
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Ah this is heartwrenching indeed. Who knows why romances don't work out, there must be someone better waiting when it doesn't.
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Thanks for the comment, epitaph. Yes, this poem is based in my reality...
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OH WOW I love how you took the emotion of the poem and made it reflect the way the poem was writen ....this was so sad i feel the pain of your torn heart.....(is this based on reality?) wonderful write wonderful poem.
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Thanks for the silver award, Kuragari91!
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Thanks for the comment and for following the rules! I really loved this poem, it touched me! Great job!
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Thanks, Maria, that was the idea behind the choice of style...
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I think this is good and it's good that it maches the broken style with the broken feelings
Maria -
Thanks for the warming words, buggirl.
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beautiful write, a sad and moving lament on lost hopes... wonderful job. keep writing!
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Hehe, you should just know how hard it is... I spent atleast three hours on it, and that just left it half done. Then I looked at it later, and rearranged it, added a little, and posted it. All done within 24 hours. I wish I was so spontanious I could write directly here, not having to make drafts on paper...
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FABULOUS!
Whoa! I read each and every bit of it twice. It's awesome. You can ryhme so easily with ease. If only I had the same gift. Really nice piece on divorce. I say it once more, your rhyming is smooth and spontanious. -
Thanks, Talion. I prefer to write short and consise poems, I feel that if I force myself to write longer poems, it dries out the inspiration, and I end up discarding it instead...
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I quite like this. It's not dragged out and the rhyming doesn't feel overly forced which would have detracted from the poem.
Well done.
Cheers,
~Tal~ -
Isn't it always that way, there's always words you feel you can't say, bacause it's not the right time? It's usually those words, if said out of time, that starts the hardest fights, and makes the deepest wounds. Don't worry about the applause-points, your warming words is applause enough for me. Next time, visit my page first...
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Sensitive!
Powerful write!Feelings are so scay sometimes and the pain you felt is succinctly described in this powerful but short write.It seems you wanted to say more but the timing is not yet right.Want to applause but am always running out of points athe wrong time,kinda of sounds like the story of my life! -
Yes, Swanpool, divorce is hard, and that's what I tried to convey in this poem. And I changed "Nici" to "Nisi" - I simply misspelled it. Thanks for the correction!
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Hello again, Grannyeri. You said "If this is in the past, could conceals be concealed?" Yes, that is true, but I took a little poets liberty there...
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Hello, Rannilt... thanks for good critics on my poem! Do you have any suggestions to alter "I cried my heart out in my bed"? I will take a look at it, and think of "gems" to put in, but in general I feel the poem is complete.
Ah, now I understand what Grannyeri ment with his comment - silly me! - I'll fix that reply. About your suggestion, dropping the S in conceals and ideals, this may ruin the rhyme of it...
And I'll add an explanation to the title in the author's note...
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Thanks for the comment, Aandolin. Short and sweet is my style, and also I prefer to rhyme my poems, thus the choice of words gets somewhat limited...
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Hi, Grannyeri... I do not understand what you mean with "could conceals be concealed". What the salty tears conseal is the things 'she' left unsaid, i.e. crying of the pain of holding back words you may regret. But thanks for the input!
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Thanks Molly, and you're welcome...
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ps I think its spelled decree nisi, but don't take my word for it.
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Divorce is a hard thing to deal with, but life does go on and get better. I promise. Anyway you expressed your feelings well, and I enjoyed this piece very much.
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right now...ok.
Good scheme of rhyme...it holds together, but it's still a little forced. And "I cried my heart out in my bed" is a little bit trite considering the impression you WANT to make. I think you can play with it...substitute some richer words, and come up with a gem; but right now this is just 'ok.'
Also, grannyeri is right...you have to do something with the 'conceals' of the second last line. I'd suggest this:
and salty tears conceal,
I can't live up to your ideal...
This is a good start. It needs a bit o' spit and shine, but I think you have a potentially fabulous poem here.
By the way...an author's note explaining the title might help out the people who aren't in the know...like me.
Edited on Aug 09, 7:31 because 'forgot something'. -
i liked, a little short but good, flow was great, word choice could have been sligtly more creative, but i say that alot, the imagrey was nice as well, so congragulations on a great pieace, good job, aandolin
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Good poem. If this is in the past, could conceals be concealed? Just the way I read it maybe.
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This was great!!! you have expressed yourself well in it, I didn't think it was too broken of a style. You have done wonderfully with this. great job and thank you for sharing it.
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