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White Clouds of August


 

When I think of August I always think of that fateful day,
Clouds billowy and white in the sky the day he went away.
My little brother, my children’s Uncle, Father, Son, friend,
August will forever remind me of the day his life would end.


Running to the emergency room and seeing my Mother’s face,
No one needed to tell me my brother’s life had been erased.
He lay so peacefully I touched his hair, this brother I adored,
as I touched his hair, I realized the simple things I'd ignored. 

I remember that moment in time and oh, how I recall the pain,
of  just realizing I'd never touch or see my brother ever again.
August reminds me of heart-break and of endless painful days.
Hot sleepless nights spent weeping in that mournful foggy haze.


Of little nieces crying because their poor Daddy was now dead,
Of the pain in my Mother’s eyes, while she wished it her instead.
My sister was wobbling as she tried to hold up his grieving wife,
White clouds of August rolled that day my brother lost his life.

 

Author notes

Option 6

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Comments

1 - 56 of 56

  • WayWithWords
    July 19, 2007

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    so so sad....a beautiful and heartbreaking piece.

    my contest was more for romantic lost love, but this was breathtakingly beautiful and I applaud it for that.
    Feel free to enter another!
    WWW*


  • Triste
    April 20, 2007

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    This was a very beautifully expressive poem. Every line was filled to the brim with poignant, sincere sadness and grief. I really liked the simplistic way you phrased your lines, because it conveyed your thoughts without confusion and I was able to immerse myself in what you chose to share here. On a technical note this poem flowed nicely, and the rhyme scheme was soft and unobtrusive. Thank you for your entry.


  • DawnBaby
    September 2, 2006
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    Appreciated

    I was leaving it for you and your family, I am sorry you never got to see his body, I did see my brothers, he died differently, but I assume the grief is the same. Thank you for your kind comments.


  • DeepDarkDesire
    September 2, 2006
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    Infaliable

    This is a story of loss and grief that does excell in talent. Yet, who are you leaving a message for in the author box? Because I lost my brother to the Iraq 'war on terror', but I never got to see his body. Only the outside of a coffin. This is beautifully written, I applaud you for your talents.

  • DawnBaby
    February 27, 2006
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    Thank you

    Thank you so much for your kind review, I am so glad you liked it, so sorry to hear of your loss as well, I know how hard it can be. Thank you so much for taking the time to comment so kindly, very much appreciated.


  • Suberu14
    February 27, 2006
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    Wow....Just....Just wow.....This is an incredible peice! I'm sorry your brother died, I too had a little brother I lost, And I know it's painful. I cry on the fourth of July because his birthday is the day after. The poem rymed nicely and there was a good flow to it. I could accually feel your pain and sorrow, but perhaps that's because I was in a similar situation. Great Write and good luck inthe contest


  • DawnBaby
    January 14, 2006
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    Thank you

    Thank you so much for your comments, very much appreciated. Good luck with your contest.


  • Luthien Luinwe
    January 14, 2006
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    The poem was very nice. Very wonderful and heartfelt. Very touching and emotional. Loved it! I am so sorry for your loss. May God bless you and your family. A great memorial for a great person I am sure.

  • DawnBaby
    December 12, 2005
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    Suggestions are good, the main reason I use the Feature box when I do use it. Thanks for the suggestions, I will look at it later and reflect

  • Nicole Hanna
    December 12, 2005
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    LOL. I always offer suggestions, even for those who are on my favorites list, even on those who have been published. So long as I see the potential, and the emotions are tangible, I can enjoy a piece regardless what I'd rather see done. It's all about personal preferences. This was quite moving as is. Changes aren't necessary, just reflect what I would have done.

  • DawnBaby
    December 12, 2005
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    Appreciated

    This one I think I have won more trophies on then any other poem, most likely because it is true. I can't get myself to change a word, this one is close to my heart. I know it maybe is not perfect, I guess it was more therapy than attempting perfection, but this captures emotions in people like I have never seen. I am glad you liked it, it is one of my more popular pieces. You are honestly the first one who ever suggest changing it, which means you are being very selective! It is ok if you toss me, I have 200 poems girl! Thanks again.

  • Nicole Hanna
    December 12, 2005
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    lol I got a kick out of the author comments. Had me giggling. And where the heck do people find such lovely backgrounds? I'm not a gold member (other than for this free trial) and couldn't use them anyway, but this one is perfect for the poem. I'm half-tempted to ask if it's based on true events, but it really shouldn't matter of it is or not, as the poem should stand on it's own written strengths. Very heart-felt works. I think it might need some trimming down to create a tigher flow, but otherwise, I enjoyed it.

  • Honeydew
    November 13, 2005
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    You are most welcome beautiful write!!!

  • Honeydew
    November 12, 2005
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    my condolences on the loss of your brother,,very beautiful poem
    expressing the way you will never forget your brother..beautiful write ..it must of been hard too do..thank you for entering my contest ..good luck..and thanks for following the rules


  • DawnBaby
    November 12, 2005
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    Appreciated

    Thank you so much, I appreciate your kind comments, I so appreciate your condolences, thank you.


  • PlayLikeWeAreInLove gold member
    November 11, 2005
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    omg this is so sad!! you deffinitely deserved to win, i am so sorry this actually happened to you...thats awful...beautiful poem though...byez!
    ~Tainted ♥


  • Sapphire gold member
    November 11, 2005
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    Congratulations on winning the gold trophy, your poem was truely deserving. It can't have been an easy poem to write, it is never easy to lose a family member

    Sapphire

  • DawnBaby
    November 9, 2005
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    Thank You

    So sorry to hear of the loss of your Father, and your Grandmother. I have not lost a parent, my Mom has Alzheimer's so we are losing her, but is like death in slow motion, very painful. My brother was most like me, my other siblings all very different, felt I lost a piece of me losing him. Thanks so much for your kind comments and again, so sorry for your loss, I know how difficult it must be.

  • luvmybabys
    November 9, 2005
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    What can I say,this poem truly touched my heart and you wrote it so beautifully though it was for someone you loved and it was a traggic event,I understand your pain,I recently lost my father and my grandmother and it hurts to no end,I also write about my father and grandmother,I guess to help get it off my chest,and maybe try to ease the pain,anyway you have great talent in writing poetry,this poem is truly amazing and I know amazing poetry when I see it,sorry for your loss,best of luck to you(((hugs)))...luvmybabys...

  • DawnBaby
    October 26, 2005
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    Appreciated

    Thank you very much for your kind comments, it has been 10 years now, still I miss him, we used to talk every single day on the phone, even now when the phone rings, I hope...


  • angels song
    October 26, 2005
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    WOW that is so sad but yet so powerful. I hope that everything is gettting better for you. Thanks for entering my contest and good luck.
    ~*TONYA*~

  • DawnBaby
    October 20, 2005
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    Thank you so much for your kind applause and comments, this piece is about the saddest period of my life. I love your motto: Live like you were dying. You are a wise person, thank you so much for your kind words, thank you!


  • strawberrystar
    October 20, 2005
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    wow thank you so much for entering this in my contest...im so sorry this happen.......this poem is very well written awesome job
    good luck
    strawberrystar

  • DawnBaby
    October 2, 2005
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    Appreciated

    Thank you so much for your kind review, I appreciate your thoughts on the Gold, I always appreciate your comments. Thanks

  • DawnBaby
    October 2, 2005
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    Appreciated

    Thank you so much for your kind review, yes, and it is so hard to live with after they are gone, I love you only takes a couple of seconds to say, and a lifetime of regret if you didn't. Thank you so much for your review.


  • Sandygram
    October 2, 2005
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    WONDERFUL POEM

    This was a wonderful poem and deserved to be one of the winners. This was a pleasure to read. CONGRATULATIONS Take care, Sandy

  • Vanilla Bean
    September 23, 2005
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    great poem...its so sad.After a friend of mine died...I realized that I had to tell all the ones I cared about that I loved them,cause once they step out the door , they may never come back.So great job on this. Good luck and thank you for entering.
    -Bean

  • DawnBaby
    September 22, 2005
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    Appreciated

    Thank you so much annie for your kind comments and review, always a good idea to be thankful, kiss your child and never allow them to leave you without telling them you love them. We do love them, but if we do not say it, if they should never come back, like my brother you are sorry that you didn't. Thank you for your thoughtful review. Thank you

  • annie
    September 21, 2005
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    well told

    I will go and kiss my child and thank you for reminding me how lucky we are. I hope the writng helps and you do not stop putting your thoughts down for your talent is the written with sad lines. I am saddened and felt your story.

  • burning tears
    September 21, 2005
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    I think im gonna go cry now. That was amazingly written. Very well done.

  • DawnBaby
    September 13, 2005
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    Appreciated

    Thank you for your kind comments about my work, this poem was written from my feelings I felt at the time of my little brothers death, these were my thoughts the day he lie there dead. I couldn't leave him, so I stayed for a very long time alone with him. Now I am crying. Thanks for your review.

  • DawnBaby
    September 13, 2005
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    Thank You

    Thank you I so appreciate your kind review, I put my heart into this one. Obviously you feel it, it hurt and always will. Thank you for your kind review, I so appreciate your time.


  • Nightwish girl
    September 13, 2005
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    OMG This is soo good! You have me sitting in school crying. I honestly don't know what I would do if I lost one of my brothers and I love how you converted so much feeling into this masterpiece. And just a reminder if you haven't commented on one of my poems please do so!
    Love,
    Brandy


  • CarolDesjarlais silver member
    September 13, 2005
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    Oh, I do nto know if I can read any more of these entries. "As I touched his head, I realized I had never felt his hair before..." this brings so many memories....so many dear dear touches.


  • DawnBaby
    September 13, 2005
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    Appreciated

    Thank you so much, I am honored by your review, it is so appreciated, thank you for your kind comments.


  • MuddyKing
    September 13, 2005
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    We do remember moments through the use of time...the loss of someone young always leaves us with internal questions, that are never answered. wonderful write with much compassion
    Peace Muddy

  • DawnBaby
    August 19, 2005
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    Thank You

    Thank you so much for your heartfelt comments in your review, I so appreciate your kind regard. I wrote this one from my heart and it wasn't so difficult since it is true for me. We were best friends, talked daily, shared our lives together. I was the person he called for help in the end, I called 911 but it was too late, he died from multiple pulmonary embolisms in his lung, he had been ill, he lost his job, his insurance and was uninsured. The hospitals would not keep him, kept sending him home saying he had pnemonia. He died at age 32 because he did not have medical insurance.


  • DawnBaby
    August 19, 2005
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    Thank you Darth! I appreciate your comments.

  • DawnBaby
    August 19, 2005
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    Thank You

    Thanks so much for your kind review, yes, I guess it does help, it really is something you have to live with, but this contest asked what August meant to me, and this IS what August means to me. Thanks for your kind comments and review. So appreciated!

  • Molly Densmore silver member
    August 19, 2005
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    Oh sweetheart, this is so sad and so touching, I got tears reading this. I have a brother and can't imagine losing him. You have really poured your heart out and with such grace and love. This was written so well with your loving heart. I am so sorry for your loss and your pain your heart in enduring. So well spoken and wrote in the poem your heartfelt love and feelings for your brother. The picture you posted is very sad, yet so beautiful, surreal and serene the essenece of it. Wonserful expression of emotion my dear and again I am truly sorry for your loss. God Bless you!!! Thank you for sharing this piece.


  • DylanThomas
    August 19, 2005
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    heartbreaking...very well written..you have a lot of courage to have written such a heart rendering poem..i guess sometimes it helps, huh..? to get the words out of you...the feelings and emotions....bravo on the piece.....


  • HistoricJ
    August 19, 2005
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    Absoulutley beautiful , I hope you don't mind but I'm going to feature this for you, its an amazing piece that deserves recognition.

  • DawnBaby
    August 18, 2005
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    Thank You

    Thank you very much, yesterday was the day he died, this month is always hard to get through. I so appreciate your kind review. Thanks!


  • RuthKephart
    August 18, 2005
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    Dawn...losing one you are close to is never easy and you've conveyed that feeling of grief and sadness very well throughout this piece. I thought this poem was well written the whole way through but the final lines:
    August reminds me of heartbreak and endless painful days
    Hot sleepless nights spent weeping in a mournful foggy haze

    really brought the piece home. Best wishes in the contest
    Ruth

  • DawnBaby
    August 17, 2005
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    Thank You

    Thank you so much for your kind comments, yes I will make sure to read the others, I just posted this, now I must read, liked yours by the way, great job!


  • Julie Eke
    August 17, 2005
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    critical

    wow, this is such a terrible feeling that I am left with. certain seasons remind me of loss and pain, so I can relate to this in a personal way. Very well written, I like how it rhymed well without sounding forced. Don't forget to comment on others and put the name in the authors box....!

  • DawnBaby
    August 13, 2005
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    Thank you

    Thank you so much for your kind review, I so appreciate it, I am so sorry to hear you lost your brother too, doesn't matter how many years go by in August I will always remember mine, I always go to his gravesite that day with flowers, I always kiss his gravestone leaving my lipstick there. Again, thank you and I too am sorry for your loss. Bless you!

  • DawnBaby
    August 13, 2005
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    Thank you!

    Thank you, it is just the first thing I thought of, since my brother died on the 17th of August, will never forget that day and each August the sky looks the same with its billowy white clouds against a blue sky. Thanks for your kind comments.


  • anguish
    August 13, 2005
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    Damn!!!!! there arent any words to describe this write. eception and filled with deep feelings and imagary is putting it lightly. i can invision the seen you describe that day and i makes for an evan more superb peace. keep it up.
    XxX~*~*~Anguish~*~*~XxX


  • forgotten dream
    August 10, 2005
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    this is an incredibly emotional write. as LeeStone said, it's also hauntingly beautifull. you capture such a sad moment and bring out this pain and beauty with your words. this brought tears to my eyes as i read (i lost a brother in april over 6 years ago, and there are some moments that will never fade in my mind). you capture things that i can relate too so well and that break my heart. a heartfelt and lovely write. i'm so sorry for your loss. thank you for entering and best of luck in the contest <3

  • DawnBaby
    August 9, 2005
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    Thanks for taking the time to review and comment, I thought you might find some similarities between our writings. Thanks so much for the compliments but I wasn't fishing, just thought you might be interested. Again, thanks for your kind comments, greatly appreciated.


  • August 9, 2005
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    Brilliantly written. Very sad issue here but you did some good here. Flow well, good rhythm, good flow, reasonable rhyme. Thanks for giving me the heads up on this poem it was a good write. Have a blessed day and good luck with contest.

  • DawnBaby
    August 9, 2005
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    Thank you so much for reviewing and commenting on my work, I so appreciate your time. I know this is sad, but it is what August will forever remind me of. I recall the clouds in the skies that day so vividly. How soft my brother's hair, how it was the first time I had felt his hair. It was many years ago, but I will never forget. Thank you for the kind comments, I so appreciate it.


  • LeeStone
    August 9, 2005
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    This was a very sad and emotionally charged poem, yet hauntingly beautiful. You capture the pain with your words. The random thoughts that come into our minds during such difficult times, such as realizing you'd never touched his hair before. This was simply incredible. I'm sorry for your loss. Good luck in the contest.

    ~ Lee Stone

  • DawnBaby
    August 9, 2005
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    Thanks

    Thank you so much for your kind comments and review, I so appreciate your kind words. I know this is sad, it was sad. It happened many years ago, I will never forget it, August will forever remind me. Thank you.

  • zee1
    August 9, 2005
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    This is so sad. You have written a very emotive piece with rich language thus creating something very beautiful - well done. Heartfelt piece

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