A wanderer, Gastscima, a man who liked to roam
He'd carve himself a path through the English country loam
He'd trek around for hours until he lost the day
But then he'd light a lantern so as to find his way
He'd leave the lantern hanging upon his homely porch
Then if he sought for home he need but sight that torch
One night the wind was bitter, in from the sea it came
It made the lantern sputter, and quickly slew the flame
Poor Gastscima found that he lost all sense of place
He couldn't spy the lantern, nor remember to re-trace
Gastscima couldn't find his way nor check for steady ground
But then he sank within a bog and quickly he was drowned
It's rumoured that on darkened nights that whip the wind around
If a misplaced party should wish that they were found
They might just spy a lantern swinging in the breeze
And find an old thatched cottage hidden amongst the trees
They'd find it warm and dry inside, and safe to spend the night
Guarded by Gastscima's ghost, who makes the lamp burn bright
Author notes
I'm so glad to be back and producing poetry again! It has been far too long for my liking. I just hope my new poem is up to scratch. It's kind of a reverse will'o'whisp. I've been reading a lot of localised legends lately, so I think that may have influenced the tone of it plenty! It's not based on any localised legend I've read though. I hope you enjoy it. (EDITED-11TH AUGUST 2005- Changed line 9 to better suit the rhyme, also removed the periods at the end of each line)
Written August 7th, 2005
What did you think
Comments
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Chuffed
Really this is a reply to all the comments I've had so far. I'm glad you all like it, but I know exactly what you mean about its short-comings. I've NEVER truly understood how grammar should be used in conjunction with poetry, so I'm usually pretty clumsy with it, I'm going to remove the periods at the end of each line like Shadows of Dusk suggested. As for rhyming trace with re-trace, yeah, that was a pretty horrible rhyme *shudders* I was half asleep at the time, so I'll see if I can't come up with something better. The worst rhyme I ever came across was in a Black Sabbath song called 'War Pigs' "Generals gathered in their masses, just like witches at black masses" he even had to play around with the second "masses" to make it fit the rhythm! Anyway... Thanks so much to all of you who took the time to read my poem. -
I love poems with a story to them, although I can't write them myself they're fun to read. You've done a pretty good job at it too.
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You could use some punctuation,but overall it is a good peice, it is much better than some of my poetry.
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Lovely!
This is rather good, in my opinion. You've got a pretty good flow going in your poetry, and the subject is worthy of an old ballad. A suggestion, though--try not to end each line with a period, and instead use punctuation that would fit if you were speaking the lines, like commas or perhaps nothing at all. Other than that, this is a splendid poem. -
very nice job...feels as if it had been written a hundred years ago...your ability to tell a story through poetry is quite remarkable...i enjoyed this very much...the only thing that wasnt so great was that you rhymed 'trace' with 're-trace' which is essentially the same word...but maybe im being too picky...nice work here
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