The darkness of lost
understanding envelopes me
as my mind twists and turns
with messages from my brain
Darkness begins to
cover my existence
while pain becomes
unbearably addictive
Author notes
Ok... I really don't know what this is, it's not really a poem, just random thoughts that I wrote down...
Ummm... I think the last two lines let this down, These two lines came into my head:
'while pain becomes further
entwined in my soul'
but I don't know which lines are better... can you give me your opinion please, thank you
Written August 7th, 2005
What did you think
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
-
Nice!! I really like it!!
-
*thumbs up*
HEY! You know I should really visit the people who has me on their favouites!!!
Masochistic, dark, daunting... All qualities I love about this. And remember! All thoughts can be poetry. Nevermind who tells you what poetry is or not, make your own style. Famous poets have done it before, so why not you?
The POEM, is amazing, but then again what did I expect coming from you? And from a friend to a friend I say keep the poem as it is. Recently I have been tweaking all of my old poems, and the more I change it to make it look good. Eventually you will just regret it. I know I did.
XXXXXX -
Ooo.. I love this very sexy in it's own way. Very well done
-
great poem
-
Hmmmm, Interesting. I like this just because it's deep and really makes me think about the write.
It is alittle sad though, Or maybe I'm just being alittle to sensitive. Either way, It's a very emotive write, And in a 'round & about way I can relate to it.
I think the lines you mentioned in your authors notes were awesome, And I guess it would be a cool idea if maybe you revamped (lol I think that's the word I was looking for) the write and added the two lines in somewhere, But I really liked this how it is... Good job
.
-
Oooh this is good, I like the last two lines, I think they fit and hold a lot of power. I mean, it's up to you in the end but I see no reason to change it, those lines chilled my blood for a second. I really really like the enjambement, impressive stuff! Hope everything is okay with you X
-
while pain becomes
unbearably addictive
Ive heard that all to many times, and its true to some people, i understood this piece really well
only cos im feelings really really fucked up and pissed of right now, but back to the poem.
vry emotional and good
xxxxx -
this is amazing its plaing and simple and i understood everything i hope u feel better and keep writing and God bless x x x x
-
i like this piece. short and too the point. it shows emotion and what you are going through without just coming out and saying it. Great job with this and keep writing because you have tallent.
Best of luck and God bless -
i loved it keep it up ur good at it!
~~nicki -
this is an incredible poem (whether u think its a poem or not!!
hehehe) its short and its staight 2 the point, which is very effective. shame about the context tho... 
love ya
-
simple and powerful
Oh I like this one. It's very simple! good work. I like it a lot! -
love it alot
you've bring out all of your emotion strongly within this poem hon I hope things work out I don't want you to suffer and have stress like this I'm worry and love you alot and you know that hang in there hon and don't take things to hard or it'll stress you out!love you always mom
-
*thumbs up*
Look babes a poem is not defined if it rhymes or structured in a certain way, it's the person's imagination what makes it a poem.
Now that my yoda speech is over and done with. Fantastic poem love the structure, basic but useable. Appealing to the eye and mind for me, well done thumbs up
Now
Edited on Aug 14, 3:03 because 'major typo error made seem like a hyprocite lol.'. -
Heya sis
Btw, it isnt rubbish!
It's simply how u feel. And well its written good, a good 8 liner.
luv ya
ya sis marz
-
This wasn't up there with forever lost but i still liked it. You don't over ryhme your stuff which is a big thumbs up. (Most but not all poems that rhyme a lot lose their meaning in the process)
Adding your comment:
1 - 16 of 16
