It was a Summer night on the beach,
The waves crashed through the sand.
A chill consumed me when I
Reached out to hold her hand.
I thought to myself
As the light mist barely fell,
If she could love me just a little
It would serve me just as well.
It was a Summer night on the beach,
The wind blew fierce and cold.
I had a vision of myself
Loving her 'til I grew old.
I thought to myself
As the moon danced through the sky,
If she could love me just a little
I would never need to cry.
It was a Summer night on the beach,
When the tide came rushing in.
In only a few short hours
She'll leave me again.
Then I wondered to myself
As the tears rolled down my face,
Could I be kept safe and warm
Just by the thought of her embrace?
Author notes
Our trip to San Diego served as inspiration for this poem. I was struggling with such strong but beautiful emotions. I didn't know where to go with it all so I wrote it down. Enjoy...
A contest entry
- The Last Contest From Me I am Leaving For Good by Flames-of-Furey.
800 points, ended September 13, 2007, 10 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - * SUMMERTIME* by wingsofgold25.
500 points, ended June 15, 2008, 21 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - From Your Head and Into a Poem by Hectic Michelle.
600 points, ended June 11, 2008, 13 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Love - i want it all! by eternitydemon.
332 points, ended September 16, 2008, 10 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Share The Passion In Your Heart by ennovy.
1100 points, ends December 1, 22 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest - contest by Midnight Breeze.
700 points, ended November 14, 38 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 31 of 31
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a nice mix of emotions and stirring images. plus, i like the sense of repetition used to build the feeling created. well done.
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beautiful!!! thanks for entering!!!
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some dynanic poem, thank you for entering our contest....
novy & brazos
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realy nice.. love it more
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Most beautifully stated, I can relate well to this feeling, thank you for entering and good luck, Josie
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This was really good. I enjoyed reading this piece. The background is very nice goes well with the piece. This was well done. Thanks so much for entering and best of luck to you in the contest.
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I like it
Really good imagery in your write. I really enjoyed it a lot. Thank you for entering my contest, best of luck to you.
Again thanks for entering my contest, i really enjoyed your write.
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Very pretty
This is very pretty. Thank you for entering my contest. Good luck. -
This is really good. the flow goes well with your words...I wasn't distracted from the message by any forced rhyme...and the repetition is very effective. Thanks for the entry.
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This is such a beautiful but mournful poem, congratulations on the gold trophy! I love the last two lines, they're so sad, but hopeful, in a way. Thanks for entering, and good luck in the contest!
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how very beautiful, such a thin line of hope too, nice write
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I liked this one baby....
This poem is so different than what you usually write. I like it.....It's beautiful with no blood.
M. -
This is lovely!!!!! So sweet and I remember feeling this way with my boyfriend!! Thanks for this lovely write!
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Aww, this was such a beautifully written poem! The emotions dysplayed here are not strong as in "I am cursing or writing in all caps strong" but more of a subtle way that lets the reader find out about the rest of how you're feeling. Nicely done! Best of luck and thanks for entering!
~Faithful-Star -
This was a beautiful and well written sure brought back a lot of memories of summer nights along the Chesapeak Bay. had a lot of emotion good imagery but the end seemed kinda sad. I enjoyed it very much.
Thank you for your entry and good luck in the contest. -
good use of imagery i loved how you brought in summer...i miss summer *sigh* great job
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this is beautiful.
Could I be kept safe and warm
Just by the thought of her embrace?
i love those last lines. very well done. thanks for entering! -
I really liked this poem. The ending was so sad. Very well written.
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Awww, it's sad! But that bittersweet taste adds a very nice touch to the story of this piece. I love how you wove the feelings of love for her and the heartbreak of her leaving into that last line, it's brilliant. Great work, keep it up.
Cj
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I really loved this poem, started out happy and ended sad too me great write! Thanks for entering!
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i love summer nights on the beach myself watching the waves crashing into the sand as your with the one that you love hand to hand , then it started t oturn sad when you began t ocry by not knowing if the one that you loved would leave you , thanks for sharing this with me and i can feel that it came straight from the heart
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This is a very touching piece, so very deep and the flow is incredible really hope things work out for you one day Thanks for entering and best of luck.
MxA
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I found this to be kind of sad, but I liked the sweetness in this as well. I enjoyed your rhyme scheme. I could picture it all. Hope it worked out in the end. Thanks for entering and good luck.
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Beautiful Baby Girl
This one was different honey, I like it. Not quite so dark.
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that was very good one of the best interpretations i have come across. thankyou so much the rhyme was perfect. and you hardky changed a thing it is fantastic
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Awe,
I allready love this just from the first stanza. :]
"It was a Summer night on the beach,
When the tide came rushing in.
In only a few short hours
She'll leave me again."
Ooh, that sort of clashes because of the tense change.
The first two lines are past and then the next two are future.
You need to change them to the past as well so it will flow better.
Awe,
this is a really sweet poem. :]
I liked the imagery of the beach - Soft and sweet.
Nice job and good luck! < -
OMG!
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beautiful
This poem has such a deep and sorrowful meaning to it. I liked how this background goes along with the poem too. This was very nicely written. Amazing job. -
love it
i really love this poem. i beautiful and sad at the same time. that was inspiring -
Absolutely amazing. Very well written and pieced together beautifully.
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It was a Summer night on the beach,
The waves crashed through the sand.
A chill consumed me when I
Reached out to hold her hand.
I thought to myself
As the light mist barely fell,
If she could love me just a little
It would serve me just as well.
Those r my fave lines- nicely done
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1 - 31 of 31
