Can You Keep a Secret?

“Mike’s here!” Jenny heard her mother yell as she swiped blush on her checks.
“I’ll be there in a second,” she responded, clasped her necklace around her neck, and grabbed her purse, double checking that her journal was safely tucked under her mattress. She plastered a fake, believable smile on her face, and walked into the living room. Mike was standing at the doorway, looking nervous.
“Hi,” she greeted him, and gave him a quick hug and kiss, and then hurried out the door, while her mother eyed them suspiciously. She hoped they don’t look as awkward as she felt. As she climbed into the passenger seat of his car and he pulled out the drive way they both let out a sigh of relief.
“Do you think she believed it?” he asked her as he turned off her street and headed down the main road.
“For now,” Jenny responded and sighed. They had been going on their mock-dates for a few months now, and she was convinced that her mother had believed they were real for most of that time.
“Are you going to see Brian tonight?” she asked him, and his whole face seemed to relax at the thought. His face always seemed to light up when he talked about Brian.
“Yeah, I’m going to pick him up and take him to dinner tonight, after I drop you off. Do you think Spencerville is far enough away?” he asked her, his face filled with anxiety again.
“Yeah, I think an hour’s drive is far enough,” she said and smiled at him.
He pulled his car into another driveway, and unlocked the car doors.
“We’re supposed to be having dinner at the pizza place and going to see a movie,” he reminded her, “in case you’re mom calls.”
“I won’t forget,” she answered and got out of the car.
“I’ll be back to pick you up at quarter to ten,” he told her as he pulled out of the driveway. She nodded.
“Have fun” she called after him as he drove away, smiling.
When he was gone Jenny walked up to the door and rang the door bell. Almost immediately a girl with brown hair and blue eyes opened the door and greeted her, a huge smile spread across her face. The embrace and kiss that Jenny gave her was much different then the one she’d given Mike, as she cradled the girl’s small frame gently in her arms. The brown-haired girl motioned her inside and closed the door behind her. Jenny slipped off her shoes, and followed the girl into her living room.
“My parents are out tonight,” Ashley told Jenny, who smiled and looked noticeable more relaxed then when she had arrived. “I rented The Pirates of The Caribbean” she added, slipping her hand into Jenny’s, “I know how you love Kierra Knightly,” she smiled, and they both laughed.
As they walked into the living room, Jenny had to smile at the fact that Ashley was such a romantic. She had covered the laps with scarves and lit every candle in the room. The soothing scent of the lavender filled the room. She sat down on the couch while Ashley set up the DVD, and then Ashley came and sat down next to Jenny, wrapping her arms around Jenny’s waist and resting her head on Jenny’s shoulder, who kissed her head lightly, and wrapped her own arm around Ashley. Being with Ashley made all the stress of trying to hide their relationship from their whole Baptist world worthwhile. The pressure of hiding their feelings from her parents and Ashley’s parents, their friends, and the other kids at school weighed heavily on Jenny, but Ashley always seemed to know how to make that weight seem to disappear.
  At nine forty-five sharp, the door bell rung, announcing Mike’s arrival. He was always nervous about dropping Jenny off on time, believing that her mother would somehow suspect their fraudulence if they arrived late. The movie having ended a little while ago, she gently pulled her lips away from Ashley’s, and slid her arms out from around Ashley’s waist. They both stood up and walked slowly to the door, holding hands, not wanting to be separated from each other. Ashley unlocked to door and opened it, revealing Mike standing on the front porch, his hair and clothes somewhat disheveled, a giddy smile on his face.
“I can tell you’ve had a good time tonight,” Jenny teased him, and she and Ashley both laughed. He stepped into the front hall, took a look at himself in the mirror hanging on the wall, and then started to smooth out his hair and straighten his clothes while Jenny put on her shoes.
“That’s better,” Ashley noted when Mike turned back around to face them.
Jenny scooped up her purse and gave Ashley one last hug and kiss goodbye. Then Jenny and Mike walked out to his car sitting in the driveway. As Mike pulled out onto the street, Ashley waved from the doorway.
Mike pulled the car back into Jenny’s driveway just after ten o’clock. On the ride there Jenny had checked her reflection in the passenger side mirror, and wiped off the last traces of Ashley’s lip gloss on her lips, and brushed her hair. They slid out the car together and Mike walked Jenny to the door. They quickly embraced and kissed again, in case Ashley’s mother was peering at them through the drapes, and then Jenny quickly said good-bye, and went inside, while Mike pulled away down the street.
Jenny unlocked the door and stepped into the front foyer quietly, slipping off her shoes. She tried not to show any disappointment on her face when she noticed a light on in the next room, and her mother reading a book next to it. Jenny tried to creep past her mother down the hall to her room unnoticed, but just before she entered the hallway, her mother spoke,
“Is Mike always that shy and nervous?” she asked stiffly.
“No,” Jenny answered carefully, “he’s just intimidated by you Mother.”
“Oh,” her mother responded sharply, trying to sound surprised. She had barely even looked up from her book. She remained quiet, and in the lull of the conversation Jenny tried to sneak away, and after only a few steps she quickened her pace, and made it safely to her room, shutting the door quietly behind her. She was bursting with happiness and she quickly pulled out her journal from under the bed and began furiously scribbling the exact details of the night she had just spent with Ashley. She had never been one to keep secrets very well, and writing in the journal felt like telling someone her secret. All she had to do was make sure her mother never found it, so she moved it to a new hiding place around her room every time she left the house. So far she had been lucky.

Over the next few weeks Mike and Jenny continued to “date”, but seeing Ashley only once a week wasn’t enough for Jenny. She began slipping into a deserted girl’s bathroom after school with Ashley a few days a week to be alone with her, and told her mother that she was helping out the theater with the new production. Since the two girls could not show affection for each other in front of the other kids or teachers at school, they passed a notebook between them, in which they wrote notes to each other.
Ashley began calling Jenny a few times a week, claiming to be having trouble with her Geometry homework. Jenny found it reassuring just to hear Ashley’s voice, even though they didn’t dare say anything that would reveal how they truly felt for one another.
Soon they were spending almost their whole weekends together, or Jenny was spending whole weekends with “her boyfriend”. Her mother seemed to be please that their relationship was progressing. After the night that her mother had waited up for her, Jenny told Mike they had better act more like a couple in order to satisfy her mother, so Mike began calling Jenny a few times a week, and Jenny left the house most of the weekend to spend with him, or so she told her mother. She had to admit that she like spending extra time with Ashley, who had told her parents that Jenny was tutoring her on the Saturday afternoons they spent together.
No mater how careful they were, though, her mother always seemed to notice something out of place. One night it was the smell of a different perfume on Jenny (Ashley’s), another time it was Jenny’s lipstick, which had clearly been wiped off, but with no trace to be seen on Mike. Another time she noticed the picture of Brian in Mike’s wallet, who he claimed was his cousin, though they looked nothing a like.  
One Saturday, when Mike had just dropped Jenny off at home, after she had spent the afternoon with Ashley, she noticed that her mother’s car was in the driveway, which was unusual since her mother always went to play bunko with a few church friends on Saturdays. Jenny felt sick suddenly as realized that she couldn’t remember if she had hid her journal before she had left, running late as she was and knowing that her mother wouldn’t be home before she was. She hurried into the house and tried to slip away to her room before her mother had realized she was home, so that she could tuck the journal away before her mother noticed it lying on the floor.
But it was too late. Her heart began to pound, and she could barely untie her shoes, her hands shock so violently. Sitting in the chair by the door was her mother, and although everything about her appearance was usual, her hair neatly combed and styled, her clothes ironed, and her lipstick applied with precision, she wore a smirk on her lips of satisfaction mixed with disgust which made Jenny’s blood run cold. And lying next to her on the floor was Jenny’s notebook.
Jenny’s mind raced trying to formulate a story to explain the notebook, and her heart began to pound so hard in her chest that she was sure that her mother could hear it. Nothing she could think of she would have been believable to her, if she was Jenny’s mother, and panicking she spoke, trying to steady her voice, as she stood frozen by the door,
“I saw you’re car in the drive way,” she started, but faltered, realizing how stupid she sounded, and her voice wavering. She stood silent waiting for her mother to speak, wishing desperately that she could run away.
“I knew you weren’t really dating Mike,” her mother finally said, showing know emotion in her voice, “but this I didn’t expect,” she finished and kicked the notebook a few feet away from her, as if repulsed by how close it was. “Do you want to burn in hell?” her mother asked, not making any eye contact. Jenny opened her lips to speak, but no sound came out. Defeated she closed them again. “How could you do such a thing to you’re father and I? How could you disgrace us like that? What if other people in the church found out, our family, our friends?” her mother continued, pain and disappointment welling in her voice, and in her eyes.
Jenny could feel tears welling in her own eyes. She knew that nothing she could say to her mother would ever make her understand how pure and natural it felt to love Ashley. That she could never have the same feelings for a boy. Her mother remained silent for a while, and then finally she spoke.
“You are never to see that girl again,” her mother commanded sternly, “and you will burn that filth,” she finished, pointing to the notebook. Jenny’s could feel her heart breaking in her chest. She knew that her mother was going to demand that she never see Ashley again, but she couldn’t bear to destroy the notebook Doing so would be destroying the months she’d shared with Ashley, it would be destroying her love for Ashley. As a last cry she whimpered, “Please,” and then cowered against the wall, tears streaming down her face. Her mother slowly rose from her chair and turned to face Jenny, who cowered in fright from her mother’s face, now contorted in rage at Jenny’s defiance.
“You will burn it or you will leave this house!” her mother yelled, and all her strength gone, Jenny fell to her knees in front of her mother and began weeping, her feelings of shame, guilt, and confusion welling over inside of her. She hadn’t chosen to be like this. She had no control over her feelings or who her heart fell in love with. She was ashamed that her betrayal of everything her parents had ever taught her was causing her mother so much pain, but at the same time she felt that she was betraying herself if she denied that she loved Ashley. She was torn between the two.
Becoming impatient with Jenny’s silent weeping, Jenny’s mother grabbed her by the wrist and half dragged her to the kitchen, scooping up the journal on the floor. She dropped it onto the counter and handed Jenny, who had pulled her self together somewhat, the lighter for the charcoal grill. She reached over Jenny’s shaking fingers and flicked on the lighter, which emit a small flicker of fire at the tip, and then she lifted up the journal, thrusting one of the corners toward the flame. Jenny pulled the lighter away, and her mother spoke harshly in her ear,
“If you wish to stay in the house you will do as I say and burn this, otherwise you can leave now.” She said with such venom that Jenny shuddered. She knew that she had no choice but to burn the book, for she had no where to go, and no money to support herself. With warm painful tears streaming down her face she lit the corner of the book, and watched the flames quickly engulf the paper, and in a few minutes reduce it to a pile of ashes. At this her mother finally released Jenny’s wrist, and Jenny hurried away from woman she had once loved, now horrified to be so close, knowing that she could never forgive her mother for what she had done. She crept away slowly, and then, unimpeded, took off running. She ran out the door and down the street. With the hot afternoon sun shinning on her, and the wind blowing in her hair, she suddenly felt free. Even though she hated her mother for what she had done, the weight on her shoulders was suddenly gone. It was no longer a secret.
And when Jenny reached Ashley’s house an hour later, she smiled, and hurried into Ashley’s waiting arms, knowing that her mother finding out about their relationship had made it all the more real.