melancholy senses
touch me
warm my heart
innocence and experience know no better channel
my old self peels off now
now that its been touched by another strand of dismal reality
I am sick
not quite dying
just sick
my mind keeps changing
you are a lovely unknown
but please
dont approach me like you know me
I don't mean to mope
but this isn't a mask you're seeing
I'm not sick
I'm me
tattered ship soul sail on
damaged in the storm
nearly sunk in the battle
struggles to steady the keel
attaining comprehension
just once
for the journey home
where hopefully it shall be warm
Author notes
Written August 5th, 2005
What did you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
-
Very interesting form and technique. Kind of meandors down the path... the story so to speak. Enjoyable read, actually.
Nice work.
Don -
smashing
Wow Sol, your work is so approachable, so earthly I don't see how you call yourself amateur
. I think I'm fammiliar with your "sickness" and if not this poem surely suggests otherwise.
"you are a lovely uknown/but please/dont approach me like you know me"
very emotional and straightforward yet still open to interpretation. While the beginning was really anyones best comprehension (alot like my poetry
) the end grabs the reader by the horns and forces them to see and to feel, the ship metaphor was appropriate. Was the use of "soul" in the first line of that stanza intentional . Anyways absolutely touching work, it seems like a while youve been gone, welcome back and cant wait for the next installment.
-
Another enjoyable piece Mr. Sol, now is it Sol, S.O.L. hehe? I like the paradox in, Not dying just sick, and Im not sick, Im me. That speaks volumes to me, I wont even start, because Ill just end up rambling on and on . I like the whole metaphor of the ship as well, coming home to something, or attaining something long awaited, and then feeling as if it wasnt even worth it all the while is the worst feelinge ever...and the hope that accompanies it is one of the best. Good write, cant really complain on any sort of level, technically or literally, though if I had to change one thing, I would take out the space between the old self peeling off line, and the dismal reality line! Nice work!
-
this is a nicely written coming to the beginning of self-discovery nicely done
dont approach me like you know me... " for don't
love and light
blaze -
I enjoyed this poem! I really liked it...I liked the emotion that you put in it...very touching. Great write!!! Keep up the good work!!!
Cassie -
Greatly expressed emotion and I love the last stanza it was wonderfully descriptive in how you feel. You have written this so very well and I really enjoyed it, though quite sad. I hope things get better for you and thank you for sharing this.
-
as always i enjoyed your work. i think you are a wonderful writer .
-
Very touching and emotional you had me crying in the end.
Adding your comment:
1 - 8 of 8
3 old applause
